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I came here with an earlier account as a Christian.  I read articles on the ex Christian website and later joined the forum.  I had a different screen name, my own name, but paranoia caused me to ask florduh to delete the account for me.  In retrospect it was irrational paranoia.  I didn't know I could have changed my name without creating a new account.

I went in and out of hypomania, mania, and depression.  My medication was inadequate.  I drove everybody crazy.  I had a fear of hell and the Christian god.

I started reading more about the inadeqacy of the bible.  I read a lot of literature criticizing and debunking the Bible.  But every time the manias returned I heard good and evil voices of demons, angels and God.  I saw visions, understood the meaning of the holy toungues I spoke.  I was overwhelmed and reverted to Christianity.

People on here were kind enough to answer my questions.  This site was much busier.  A lot of members.  Vigorous debate.  

I became a deist, then an agnostic, then an agnostic atheist.  I realise the psychoses were made by my own mind and not by supernatural entites.  This took some time. But the mania came again and again and I was derailed.  I could be Christian one moment and atheist the next.  I tried to convert people on this site and was not banned once.  The people here were understanding.

I obtained better medication.  The voices were gone.  I realized my mind was responsible for the auditory and visual halucinations.  I read more and debunked parts of the bible.

I am now stable.  I adjust my antipsychotic medicine whenever I feel a coming mania.

I am a content agnostic atheist and my beliefs suit a healthy mind.

I am free of religion and content.

Thank you ex-c.

 

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That's good news, SerenelyBlue.  I'm am very happy for the progress you have made; and I'm sure you're relieved as well.

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That's really good to hear. Religion can be a real mindf*ck to a person's sense of reality. Feelings are real, though, and a feeling of contentment is a hard-earned and wonderful prize.

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Yes, H, this is wonderful news.  Your journey is an inspiration to others.  I particularly am impressed with your rational mind coupled with your empathy.  That's a good combination to have.

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14 hours ago, sdelsolray said:

Yes, H, this is wonderful news.  Your journey is an inspiration to others.  I particularly am impressed with your rational mind coupled with your empathy.  That's a good combination to have.

That means a lot to, thank you.

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I've only had brief episodes with anxiety, but the feeling of my mind not being right was genuinely scary. I'm so glad that you found good help and were able to navigate your way back out. Welcome back!

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Hey @SerenelyBlue I’m so glad to hear you’re doing so well now!  Thank you for letting us know.  Sometimes we lose touch with people and wonder how they’re doing. 
 

I recall when you were much less clear-minded and more anxious.  People here might not have been sure how to help you but we were sure you were not trolling us or trying to be that way.  So good you got the help you needed.  I trust this community helped you look at Christianity objectively once you were in a position to do that.  

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6 minutes ago, TABA said:

Hey @SerenelyBlue I’m so glad to hear you’re doing so well now!  Thank you for letting us know.  Sometimes we lose touch with people and wonder how they’re doing. 
 

I recall when you were much less clear-minded and more anxious.  People here might not have been sure how to help you but we were sure you were not trolling us or trying to be that way.  So good you got the help you needed.  I trust this community helped you look at Christianity objectively once you were in a position to do that.  

Yes, they did.

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On 4/5/2021 at 12:53 PM, SerenelyBlue said:

I went in and out of hypomania, mania, and depression.  My medication was inadequate.  I drove everybody crazy.  I had a fear of hell and the Christian god.

I started reading more about the inadeqacy of the bible.  I read a lot of literature criticizing and debunking the Bible.  But every time the manias returned I heard good and evil voices of demons, angels and God.  I saw visions, understood the meaning of the holy toungues I spoke.  I was overwhelmed and reverted to Christianity.

People on here were kind enough to answer my questions.  This site was much busier.  A lot of members.  Vigorous debate.  

I became a deist, then an agnostic, then an agnostic atheist.  I realise the psychoses were made by my own mind and not by supernatural entites.  This took some time. But the mania came again and again and I was derailed.  I could be Christian one moment and atheist the next.  I tried to convert people on this site and was not banned once.  The people here were understanding.

 

Yes, and when this was going on we did understand to some degree what was happening with you.

 

And we also understand to some degree what similar episodes are happening right now to @JamesL they are different, but very similar. He joined under one name as a deconvert asking for help and then came back as JamesL. Possibly manic as well. This sort of thing happens. And can be part of someone's deconversion process. Note that as yet we have not banned JamesL. Instead we have kept the 'heat of debate' on him as he's going through whatever it is that he's currently going through. 

 

On 4/5/2021 at 12:53 PM, SerenelyBlue said:

I obtained better medication.  The voices were gone.  I realized my mind was responsible for the auditory and visual halucinations.  I read more and debunked parts of the bible.

I am now stable.  I adjust my antipsychotic medicine whenever I feel a coming mania.

I am a content agnostic atheist and my beliefs suit a healthy mind.

I am free of religion and content.

Thank you ex-c.

 

That is exactly right! 

 

Your mind began to see through it clearer and you started to balance out. You, like JamesL, once would have thought that christian apologists really have debunked any contradictions in the bible. Even to the extent that the bible starts off with light and days taking place 3 days before any celestial light sources were made and placed in the sky. When someone is manic like that, all reason is out the window. Blatant contradictions are nothing of the sort, if an apologist claims that they aren't contradictions. 

 

Except that they are and always were contradictions all along. 

 

You balance out and look at it objectively, there they are. The errors and contradictions are not actually excusable to someone of healthy mind. Such as in Genesis. There's no good excuse for any of it aside from the fact that it's just mythology. It never did make sense. It never was about the literal creation of anything. And can not be apologized into doing so. What is true of Genesis extends as true of the entire bible. All mythology. Not literally true. 

 

I'm glad that you were able to find a positive take away from our ongoing discussions and plugs for an agnostic atheist position. That just goes to show that people are listening. Even if at the time it may seem futile to be having the discussion. This content goes into the minds of those who are participating. The subconscious mind can then take over from there. And positive feedback is a possible outcome. 

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On 4/5/2021 at 11:53 AM, SerenelyBlue said:

 

I am free of religion and content.

Thank you ex-c.

 

Isn't it a great feeling!!  And the longer you are free, the more the whole system seems absurd. 

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I am so glad you are doing well. Sometimes I wonder how often religion gets mixed up together with mental illness. Not necessarily just with psychosis but also with anxiety disorders and things like OCD. Reading the Bible through the lens of mental illness makes much of it make a sort of sense that some of the obsessiveness of the biblical writers could have been born of their mental illness and some of the visions and things could be from psychosis. Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you’re not being tormented any more. Stay strong and It is awesome that people here were a source of hope and help to you.

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