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My dad's condition is getting worst, he may even die...


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So, I am still out of town trying to get started on my own. Needed space from family drama and to finally get the ball rolling in life professionally and careerwise. Turns out my dad's condition is becoming critical apparently. I can text him, but no phone calls or visitors since he is intubated. My mom has encouraged me to text him, and also to let all the stuff of the past go. To be clear, I did text him saying I did love him and hoped he got through it because I was genuinely scared hearing how bad he had gotten(anything below 92 is starting to be hypoxic, and he was at around 75)

 

It could be bad, and I am worried about how my sister may react if things go south. Our cat even seems to have gone missing too so she's alone at the house since my mom is still out of town helping my grandma post surgery. I am almost finished with my EMT application(have my license, applying to the local 911 company) but I am considering going back home depending on how things go down at least for my sister's sake.

 

I don't hate my family. There has been much drama but it hasn't been the case that I needed to hide and go no contact so much as get my own space. But my dad is definitely someone who I am not invested in having a relationship with given his long history of dysfunction, and then my sister's emotionally unstable behavior with suicide and getting aggressive. But still something like this, it still feels awful. I had COVID back in December, but it was for me nothing more than a moderately severe cold(lack of taste was the worst, and I am nearly 21 with no prior illness) My dad is over 60, blood clots and heart issues, fake knees and is diabetic so it really seems things may be going south. Even my mom started crying on the phone despite how toxic their marriage was. I just don't know yall. ''There's always a bigger fish'' and fuck COVID...

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Only you know what serves you best. I am the only person I'm aware of who can cut someone loose with no regrets if they are not worthy of my affection or attention. I am described as pragmatic or even cold, but some people, even family and once close friends, have done things to remove themselves from me. Most people hesitate or even refuse to cut ties with toxic people. I do not, but everyone is different and I hope you find a place that satisfies your need for loyalty/empathy/sympathy while not making you feel like a chump. All the best to you!

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14 hours ago, ZenPaladin said:

My mom has encouraged me to text him, and also to let all the stuff of the past go. To be clear, I did text him saying I did love him and hoped he got through it because I was genuinely scared hearing how bad he had gotten


Even though he probably doesn’t deserve it, I think it would be good if you made the decision to forgive your dad, if you haven’t already done so.  This doesn’t mean letting the past go, it doesn’t in any way mean minimizing the wrong he has done, it doesn’t mean having a relationship with him going forward if he survives this.  But it would be a favor to yourself as you head out on your own.  You don’t have to tell him or tell anybody.  Just say it to yourself: “Dad, I forgive you”.  It won’t change your life but I think it will draw a line of sorts that needs to be drawn.   Just my thoughts for what they’re worth...

 

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My dad died a little over a month ago. He and I had been estranged since mid-2014. He couldn't grasp the fact that one of his kids had left Christianity, gotten divorced and remarried. Thankfully, on one of his most lucid days, he and I talked small talk for a few minutes, and also told each other that we were glad to hear each other voices again. The next time we "talked", he was not able to talk anymore, but I was able to tell him how much I appreciated the good things ( I prepared a letter ahead of time to read to him) that he had taught me, and done for me. He died a few days later. Due to a completely f---ed up ex-wife situation, I didn't go to the funeral, but went out a few weeks later. I sat by his side in the cemetery and wrote and cried for a couple of hours. I don't know why I'm writing this. Sometimes we have to do things that seem unconventional to others. But it's okay. Trust yourself that you are doing the best you can in the situation that you've found yourself in. Take care.

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