Things have officially reached critical mass in my family, guys. My dad is really dying...

[ZenPaladin]

TL;DR at bottom, but full read recommended.

Hello, my fellow heathens. So, if you haven't read my previous posts, my estranged father has COVID-19, and had progressed to the point of intubation over the course of 2-3 weeks. My family has a LONG history of dysfunction including parents fighting and arguing, sister's suicide attempts and running away, dad financially unhelpful and emotionally abusive(sometimes physically to my mom and me. 3 weeks ago I had left the house after another spat with my emotionally volatile sister, and drove over 3 hours to the city I was planning on moving too. I created an alternate email to send my mom a letter explaining why, and she seemed understanding of my need for space from all the fighting bullshit, at least just wanting to have some means to reach me in case of an emergency(changed my number) but we did still not see eye to eye on my reluctance to forgive my dad. 

I stayed in that city for a nearly two weeks getting used to the area such(stayed in hotel) and submitting my proper documents to the county office for my EMT license. But then I went back to see my dad when his condition declined and he went unconscious and was intubated. Another thing, more drama ensued since my dad's GF started acting funny with saying my mom couldn't come in the room to see my dad(keep in mind when my sister tried to overdose almost two years ago, my dad's GF was welcomed in the room). In addition to that some fuckery from my estranged adult half sister on my dad's side and a couple of my dad's relatives and yeah. Since then I stayed back at home waiting to hear back from the ambulance company I applied to. However, last night, is where shit all fell apart...

So last night, my mom and sister had gone to see my dad but I stayed and was chilling in the loft. They get home, sister badgers me about kisses and hugs. Now during our argument just before I left she called me ''rapist'' because a former ''friend'' from my early teens molested her behind our backs(i.e. I did not know until she told us), so during the argument(which was about forgiving my dad) she then said she wouldn't forgive me for letting it happen and so said I was her rapist by enabling. But it also can be a bit irritating with her persistence for attention at certain times(occasionally I return the favor) but what really set things off was suddenly I heard my mom and sister screaming at each other(sister was pouring some pasta down the drain that we just had unclogged) and it ignites a powder keg and then my sister threw some sauce jar on the kitchen floor, before then taking pictures from the upstairs banisters and throwing them downstairs, including a custom Disney Castle frame from my 5th birthday trip that my mom kept all these years along with our high school diplomas,etc. 

My sister then takes my mom's car and drives off, and my mom starts crying due to the momentos destroyed and not being able to take my sister acting out any more, not feeling loved by us(me and her don't get along too much, I tend to have this instinctive negative feeling to her, but my dad was by the most unhelpful when our mom was the breadwinner). She started considering putting my sister in a group home or something(she will be 18 in September) and my sister clearly needs some kind of help and she can't stay here anymore and sees why I want to leave. Later on, while I was tidying up the downstairs which was pretty much entirely blanketed with glass shards/fragments(kept the cat outside), when in the garage I hear my mom start whailing. Our estranged half sister(on my dad's side, never met her) had called my mom to say that the hospital said we should come say goodbye to my dad since his state is declining.

Cue my mom being inconsolable, crying, won't sit down and me the now licensed EMT trying to do damage control and not tell my sister until she is with us since it may have pushed her over the edge. I leave for 10 minutes to put gas in my car down the street but my sister is back and we drive in our mom's car that my sister uses ~40 minutes to the county hospital my dad is at. A relative from his side is there along with her BF, and she and my mom almost get into it with the relative giving my mom attitude(part of the previous drama) and I put my hand on her shoulder to get between them sensing a confrontation only for her BF to get in front of me and tell me to speak and not put my hands on her. They leave and we are allowed to go in two at a time to talk to my dad. 

Let me tell y'all, even with our strained relationship seeing my dad hooked up with machines just to take futile breaths not pretty. Mechanical breathing sounds cool when you think of Darth Vader and other fictional characters on life support, but the real thing is not fucking cool. I told him I loved him, and forgave him. The love part wasn't a lie, but I feel mixed on the forgiveness. I am not saying I would have never forgiven him but felt I never had the time or distance, or life experience to truly think on it. The last time I had actually spoken to him on the phone, he had that sense of not knowing why I wasn't warm and fuzzy with him. But still, it was haunting nonetheless.

We went home after awhile. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep, operating on Mountain Dew, some junk food and a Jamba smoothie. Mom and sister just had another little spat, and I spent over 2 hours cleaning the downstairs, and still finding little micro chunks of glass, so will have to wear flip flops and vacuum again later. If you are wondering how I am feeling, well I actually haven't shed a tear let alone bawl my eyes out. Not saying I won't since I had a delayed crying response upon finding out my former friend did things to my sister, but honestly I feel used to this shit by now. I went to get my second COVID vaccine shot today, and ran into my EMS class teacher who works as an EMS director. I confided in him about it, and he said that I had to stay on course, and had to do so since I couldn't help anyone else if I didn't have my self together and didn't need this negativity. I told him I wasn't looking to cut ties completely, and he agreed and doesn't think on e ever should(didn't ask him to clarify so don't read too much into it) but I am glad he understood where I was coming from. 

I didn't enjoy my childhood as much as I would have liked with being autistic and the family BS. But now I really am trying to get on track with my life. Start my online classes and EMT job, roommates and then an apartment, get back to martial arts, and for my desired career in law enforcement(fish and wildlife, looking to start application process next year) I definitely don't want to have anything on my record by trying to control my sister during her moods, and frankly I wonder how she is gonna manage relationships or roommates if she gets like this. But, this is just another installment in the story of my life. DEFCON 1 since before midnight...

TL;DR Dad is dying from COVID, sister has lost her damn mind with cursing and breaking shit, mom is at her wits end and giving up hope, house looked like a fucking warzone again and my family seems irreparably fucked up and seeking greener pastures is LONG overdue EDIT: To be clear I do absolutely intend to put distance between my family and me and go low to no contact for awhile.  This especially applies to my father, but my feelings about him are still somewhat uncertain so I at least wanted to do goodbyes, and money Money was also getting tight and didn't want to wear my car down too much doing Doordash as it has alot of miles as is. I am physically unharmed as well.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

45 minutes ago, ZenPaladin said:

To be clear I do absolutely intend to put distance between my family and me and go low to no contact for awhile.

 

If its eminent that your dad will die you will still need to do some grieving.

 

My real dad was a POS and was on drugs until days before he died. I still needed to work through some emotions even though he was more of a sperm donor than a dad. Absent for 16 years and when I saw him again he would still rather party than have a family. 

 

That whole side of the family is toxic for me, some similarities to your family, but your family sounds worse. I really feel for ya. I haven't been around mine for a year and a half now. Take some time for yourself and don't let them drag you down.  Its fine to love them but don't give them opportunity to hurt you. Keep an arms distance until your confident they aren't trying to do something against you. Especially if your sister is doing things like you described. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you can be falsely accused of something. 

 

It will probably be harder for you than it was for me. I barely know my sperm donors family other than my granny. But she is constantly in a state of depression and is religiously toxic. I can't handle being around her often. But she is a good woman so I make exceptions for her when I can handle it. But the rest......... I dont care if I ever see them. I dont like the gutter they crawl from. 

 

That may make me sound horrible. But I gotta do me. I've got my own life issues to deal with. And my own dreams and goals to chase. You do too! Do what you gotta do to live the life you want to live. You've only got the one.

 

DB