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I Realised Something


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Hi SeaJay,

 

I hope you’re already starting to feel a bit better, as often seems to happen as the day goes by.  
 

Your anxiety was busy doing its evil work this morning: trying to drag you down by making your obsess about and over-analyze your deconversion.  
 

I make it sound like anxiety is a conscious enemy, almost like an interloper in your mind, what in an earlier more superstitious age would have been called a demonic spirit.  But it’s nothing external, it’s just one of several sources of thoughts inside your brain.  Sam Harris and others have suggested that we are not a unitary “self” but rather we are the sum of all the thoughts that arise in our brains, some of them intrusive and harmful to our well-being.  
 

You have said yourself that you can never go back to an Abrahamic religion like Christianity, and you are absolutely right.  Anxiety looks for things to latch onto and exploit, and theism in general and Christianity in particular is chock full of threats, paradoxes and contradictions - a toxic witches brew if ever there was one.  That’s the bad news about Christianity.  The good news, as you’ve seen, is that there’s every reason to believe it’s not true, to realize that God, Satan, Hell, Heaven, sin and salvation are all concepts that sprung from the minds of humans over the millennia.
 

You’ve made important progress this summer and you’ve seen how it can be to be free of this religion.  Stay the course, realize this is just your anxiety acting up, the death throes of your old faith desperately trying to maintain its hold over you - and failing, because you’re stronger now.  You’ve got its number so to speak, and you’re not playing that game anymore.  

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12 minutes ago, TABA said:

Hi SeaJay,

 

I hope you’re already starting to feel a bit better, as often seems to happen as the day goes by.  
 

Your anxiety was busy doing its evil work this morning: trying to drag you down by making your obsess about and over-analyze your deconversion.  
 

I make it sound like anxiety is a conscious enemy, almost like an interloper in your mind, what in an earlier more superstitious age would have been called a demonic spirit.  But it’s nothing external, it’s just one of several sources of thoughts inside your brain.  Sam Harris and others have suggested that we are not a unitary “self” but rather we are the sum of all the thoughts that arise in our brains, some of them intrusive and harmful to our well-being.  
 

You have said yourself that you can never go back to an Abrahamic religion like Christianity, and you are absolutely right.  Anxiety looks for things to latch onto and exploit, and theism in general and Christianity in particular is chock full of threats, paradoxes and contradictions - a toxic witches brew if ever there was one.  That’s the bad news about Christianity.  The good news, as you’ve seen, is that there’s every reason to believe it’s not true, to realize that God, Satan, Hell, Heaven, sin and salvation are all concepts that sprung from the minds of humans over the millennia.
 

You’ve made important progress this summer and you’ve seen how it can be to be free of this religion.  Stay the course, realize this is just your anxiety acting up, the death throes of your old faith desperately trying to maintain its hold over you - and failing, because you’re stronger now.  You’ve got its number so to speak, and you’re not playing that game anymore.  

I know you are right, it's just that, these 'what if...' scenarios can feel so, real.

 

The encouragment helps though, and for that, thank you, thank you all - very much.

 

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SeaJay: you said "I'm worrying that, when I said back in July that I realised I never truly believed - what if I was just lying to myself?"

This struck a chord with me, although I'm not one generally to regret past mistakes.

Having been a preacher / minister / church worker for 40 years I suppose I have to find a way of coping with my strong non-theism.

For those 40 years I believe I was right. Although I now 'know' I was wrong, it doesn't negate my ministry, I think. I believed, I did what I thought was good and for the good of others. The fact that I have rejected this belief makes no difference to the past - it's done, it's gone, it seemed right at the time, for me it was right at that time.

I now concentrate of strengthening my non-belief...and I am still 'surpised by joy'.

Hope it goes well for you. Keep thinking, keep working at it. Enjoy the journey.

 

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  • 2 months later...

Hi SeaJay,

 

I'm new here, but your story is similar to so many, including my own. I hope you have more peace of mind since your last post. People don't often discuss the fears that come from deconverting. My own process took many years and I had a foot in both camps for the longest of times. Take heart. It gets easier and eventually you set aside the fears.

 

Humans of faith seem to suffer from an overblown pareidolia when it comes to attributing things to any kind of deity. And if it isn't brand-x deity, then it must be brand-y deity.

 

As for the "what-ifs," think about what if you went back to the closed minded thinking that religion dictates. One of the greatest freedoms I felt from giving up religion was the freedom from judging others.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/12/2021 at 10:53 AM, Narrator said:

Hi SeaJay,

 

I'm new here, but your story is similar to so many, including my own. I hope you have more peace of mind since your last post. People don't often discuss the fears that come from deconverting. My own process took many years and I had a foot in both camps for the longest of times. Take heart. It gets easier and eventually you set aside the fears.

 

Humans of faith seem to suffer from an overblown pareidolia when it comes to attributing things to any kind of deity. And if it isn't brand-x deity, then it must be brand-y deity.

 

As for the "what-ifs," think about what if you went back to the closed minded thinking that religion dictates. One of the greatest freedoms I felt from giving up religion was the freedom from judging others.

Hello Narrator, welcome to the forums.

 

I definitely cannot go back to Christianity. No way could I. I do get rough days, but even so, going back is not an option.

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