New here and becoming an exchristian

[Jeankess]

Hi my name is Jeannie and I became a Christian when I was 19 had a conversion experience and got baptized. Got married to someone I thought God sent me to marry and it was god ordained. lol Then had two kids started going to church because I wanted them to have a moral life. I ended up going to different churches over the years and never settled in one for a longer time than three years. The last church I went to was about a year ago and I am done now. Tired of seeing hypocrisy and two faced Christians.  Been to many different denominations and found the ones I kind of liked the most were Arminian. So, went to one like that and stayed a year then they shut down due to funds. I kept searching in churches to use my spiritual gifts I thought I had and could never use them. My husband tried doing video because he loves doing that and nobody would let him help with it. they always pushed him to do the Audio which he hated. I was always asked to watch the two year old's because no body else would do it.  So, got tired of that charade. Got tired of praying for years for my husband to change and be more Christian and never got that answered because all my Christian friends had perfect marriages and I wanted a better marriage. Prayed for years like a prayer warrior that my kids would get saved and find the right person to be with. Well these prayers were never answered. Seemed like the only prayers being answered were normal every day stuff like provision for groceries or something we needed. Prayed for my other family members and some of those seemed to get answered in small ways but then later blew up and went the other direction.  Everything changed for me when I had a interesting experience after my Dad passed away and he was not a believer. I saw him in my back yard the morning after he died. He was just letting me know he was ok. He was a large orb glowing and dancing in the darkness. I knew something was wrong with what I believed after that. Then I came across some videos on Youtube about ex-military officials who dealt with Aliens! LOL and I was like what? really aliens? I thought these people have to be telling the truth! why would they whistleblow this stuff? It turned my life upside down when I came to the realization that what they were saying was true and that is what made me questions the Bible. I started looking more into it and that was 9 years ago and I was still going to church all that time struggling to make sense of what I was hearing that was contrary to what I believed. I prayed and prayed and cried show me the TRUTH! I didn't care if it made me uncomfortable or not. I just wanted to know the truth and now I am here saying this. I struggled for so long trying to understand why I was mistreated by other Christians and by family members and in-laws who said they were Christians even. I saw the worst in some people and it was like they didn't want to take responsibility for what they said and did to me. Guess they thought since they were saved God would show them grace because after all they aren't perfect. Now I haven't told my husband what I believe but he is suspicious. He said to me one day "I am worried about you?" because I was questioning beliefs in Christianity. 

[midniterider]

Welcome to the site, Jean. It sounds like you tried hard to make Christianity work for you but would appear that the God you prayed to let you down. Or maybe just doesn't exist. Were your parents Christian? Did you grow up in a Christian family? It sounds like you were non-Christian before 19. 

 

I grew up agnostic, converted to to Christian for a decade then switched back. 

 

The experience with your Dad sounds interesting. I hope you share more about that. 

 

Take care.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

Welcome to ExC!! Interesting story of deconversion. I guess we all different things that spark our awareness. I hope you study some secular work from people like Bart Ehrman or Richard Carrier. The more you know stronger you'll be against doubt. 

 

As far as your husband. I suggest easing him into it rather than just throwing it on him like a grenade. If you even decide to tell him. I messed up and dropped the bomb on my Ex and we ended up divorced. We are still living together. It's just complicated right now........ haven't got to the point I can really update anything about that. I'm still a bit messed up emotionally from the past year and a half of relationship chaos. So yeah. Be easy letting him know. 

[Jeankess]

Hi Midniterider :D, yeah I was basically an unbeliever before I was 19. My mom was a believer and taught me how to pray when I was really little but didn't teach me the bible or nothing. So when I had a conversion experience at 19 she even told me (funny) now don't you start preaching to me!! LOL. Wow and your a believer. So any hoo, I just yeah just recently have been deconverting based on just seeing how reality really is. I stopped going to church and listening to stuff and music that as Christian too. I really think it is brainwashing!. So trying to stay away from it. My Dad yeah very strange I think he showed up as like a bright disk like orb about the size of basketball in my back yard. it was weird because I woke up and had a good night sleep after three nights of getting barely any sitting by his side. I woke up early like 4 am and it was still dark in October. I went to the bathroom and came around to my side of the bed by the window and something clearly said in my mind "look outside". I stood there like what? I said Okay? so i walked to the window lifted the shade and looked out and didn't see anything till I saw something in the corner of my eye on the right hopping around. I looked over there and it was there about the height of a person hopping back and forth playing like. I was like OMG what am I seeing?! I took off for the outside deck and went out and there was nothing out there. I said "DAD!" and nothing was out there. 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

1 hour ago, Jeankess said:

I saw the worst in some people and it was like they didn't want to take responsibility for what they said and did to me. Guess they thought since they were saved God would show them grace because after all they aren't perfect.

One of the more frustrating aspects of the christian religion is the displacement of responsibility and the misappropriation of forgiveness.  The christian doesn't have to make amends with the one they've wronged because their imaginary friend offers them absolution with minimal effort on their part.  It becomes a damaging and vicious cycle of selfish behaviors, guilt, repentance, and false temporary relief... followed by selfish behaviors, guilt, repentance...lather, rinse, repeat.  It reminds me of addiction.

 

 

[Jeankess]

Hi DarkBishop, Yeah I read Bart Erhmans books. They are really good!. 

Thanks

[Jeankess]

Hi Redneckprofessor, yeah I understand. I understand a lot of what people on here are thinking and experiencing. I don't blame anyone for their choices. 

[Myrkhoos]

Hi,

 

Hope you are ok.

 

I mean no offense, but it seems way more probable that the "flying orb" was just your own mind after a period of sleep deprivation combined with emotional trauma. Those cases of seeing/hearing/touching loved oned which recently past away are very common.

    One medical explanation is that trauma is one of the triggers of trance/dissociated states, where the line between imagination and reality gets blurry. Actually a lot of religious rituals are trance inducing, that is why people report faboulous psychological experiences in my opinion. Just that we are not taught about our own brain and it's great ability for trance states. I don't mean to say for certain, but given what you described, that seems more probable. Probably the same cause as your conversion experience. I had one of those. You could research Yuval Laor and awe experiences.

    And aliens, it depends. The argument that ex military had no reason to lie is not a reason. Maybe they crave the attention. So that does not mean it was real or not. I really don't know what to say about this subject though. It is so messy :))

[TABA]

Hello @Jeankessand welcome to the community and to the ex-christian life!  
 

When you tell yourself you’re no longer a Christian, that’s the end of one part of the journey but it’s the beginning of a new and often much longer phase where you start thinking in a new way, without the dogma, cognitive dissonance and moral paradoxes that are the hallmarks of Christianity and other theistic religions.  It’s what I call becoming “fully deconverted” and I and many others here have gained a whole new outlook on life as a result of making that journey.  This community has made such a difference to me in that respect and I hope it will for you too.

 

I absolutely agree with @DarkBishopin his advice to take it easy with how you revel this to your husband.  After stepping away from Christianity it’s easy to underestimate the shock this can be to our nearest and dearest.  You may want to let him know that you are questioning aspects of Christianity at most, and it may be a long time - if ever - before you reveal the extent of your deconversion.  Ideally, this could lead cracks to slowly develop in his own faith, and for him to start questioning too.  Several members here have been lucky enough to have had their spouses deconvert along with them or some time later, but that’s a minority.  One thing seems consistent: the believing spouse only digs their heels in harder in response to the shock of learning the other has left the faith.

 

The good news is you can “live out” your deconversion to quite an extent by being in this online community.  Whatever you’re experiencing on the journey, chances are that somebody here has been through it.  Christians have many opportunities for fellowship with each other but many of us have found the ex-christian fellowship here to be invaluable.  If you stay around and participate I think you will too.  
 

Welcome to your ex-christian life - I hope it’s as good for you as it has been for me! 

[Joshpantera]

Welcome Jeannie! 

 

Yes, christianity is a lot of BS all the way through. You're on to it now. The two faced people, the church gossips, the idiots in general from the churches are all products of a false religion, basically. A demonstrably false religion that arrogantly parades itself around as absolute truth. Even though the whole thing folds in an instant when challenged. Seeing it with the blinders off and staying the course is the road to full deconversion, immunity to falling for it ever again, etc., etc.  

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

14 hours ago, Jeankess said:

Hi Midniterider :D, yeah I was basically an unbeliever before I was 19. My mom was a believer and taught me how to pray when I was really little but didn't teach me the bible or nothing. So when I had a conversion experience at 19 she even told me (funny) now don't you start preaching to me!! LOL. Wow and your a believer. So any hoo, I just yeah just recently have been deconverting based on just seeing how reality really is. I stopped going to church and listening to stuff and music that as Christian too. I really think it is brainwashing!. So trying to stay away from it. My Dad yeah very strange I think he showed up as like a bright disk like orb about the size of basketball in my back yard. it was weird because I woke up and had a good night sleep after three nights of getting barely any sitting by his side. I woke up early like 4 am and it was still dark in October. I went to the bathroom and came around to my side of the bed by the window and something clearly said in my mind "look outside". I stood there like what? I said Okay? so i walked to the window lifted the shade and looked out and didn't see anything till I saw something in the corner of my eye on the right hopping around. I looked over there and it was there about the height of a person hopping back and forth playing like. I was like OMG what am I seeing?! I took off for the outside deck and went out and there was nothing out there. I said "DAD!" and nothing was out there. 

 

I have had some experiences that I'm still trying to explain away if possible. One reason I remain agnostic/non-theist. 

 

I'm with @Myrkhoos it may be some delusion from stress or something. The last time I had an experience like that , I was taking some classes for a week. I was tired, and they were cramming a months worth of teaching into a week long class. So I can definitely see that there may have been some  trickery going on in my brain.

 

But those experiences are so real that it seems impossible to explain it away. 

 

It's an interesting subject for me at times. I like to think that there is something after this. But nothing without a possible explanation points to that. 

 

Maybe there is. Maybe there's not anything to it. But for now, I hope there are many years ahead before I cross that bridge to find out. 

 

 

[florduh]

Welcome! Now you can live your life with an open  mind. Just don't keep it so open your brains fall out! 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Jean, what ever it was, seeing your father like you did is a fairy common experience.  

 

I was a cradle Christian, but like you, I found some things just did not "add up."  I prayed to find truth and it eventually led me out of religion.  Hang in there!

[freshstart]

On 11/11/2021 at 5:03 PM, Jeankess said:

my Dad passed away and he was not a believer.

My dad (an agnostic) passed away and he had struggled for years to try to believe. He listened to a pastor (his brother-in-law) give sermons online every Sunday, poking holes in them as both a sport and a reassurance that confirmed his disbelief.  My biggest regret was that I never had the chance to tell him I had become agnostic as well.  I was still "in the closet" at the time of his death.  He was not a perfect dad, but he was not a monster either.  To think that his fundamentalist relatives actually believe he is burning in hell and deserving of it is mind-boggling.  (Actually my mom is convinced that he became a Christian before he died because of some of his correspondence with his brother-in-law.  She thinks his questions were a sign that he was "seeking god," a load of bullshit).  Anyhow, welcome.  I hope you stick around and continue to process your "deconversion."  I don't necessarily discount, by the way, your apparent supernatural experience as not real.  Perhaps you were able to "see" something in the moment (not yet explained by science) that others would not be able to see -  in the same way that you can see colors, while color-blind people cannot.  Whether it was real or not is  irrelevant.  The important thing is you are breaking free from a religion that has no substance and shouldn't rule your life.

[nontheistpilgrim]

freshstart: I don't necessarily discount, by the way, your apparent supernatural experience as not real.  Perhaps you were able to "see" something in the moment (not yet explained by science) that others would not be able to see -  .....  Whether it was real or not is  irrelevant.  

 

I think I agree. Yet I have a problem with it. I call myself 'nontheist' which, for me, means that I do not believe in any gods, that gods are created in the imaginations of people - which I am prepared to say are 'real' (or meaningful) for them but which, obviously, I do not believe are gods. So can these folk say that they 'see something that others are not able to see, whether real or not being irrelevant? What they call 'faith'?

 

Welcome Jeankess and I look forward to hearing more as you develop your beliefs.

[Margee]

Welcome Jeankess. You have found a 'home' where you are not alone. Pull up a chair and voice all your concerns. Take it all slow. Christians do not like it when we start to question the doctrine. Sometimes silence is golden. Do  a lot of research and when you feel totally ready you can start to let the cat out of the bag. Some of it won't be fun but it can be very 'freeing''. It's a bumpy ride. Be sure you are ready because they will always try to pull you back in. Keep reading all the literature on this site. There is tons of topics to help you along. Wishing you the very best on this new journey.

 

P.S. Make sure you have some fun everyday while you are investigating. We all need to laugh and have some fun. (hug)

[alreadyGone]

Jeankess,

Welcome.

 

Margee said all that I possibly could.

(and she said it better than I could hope to)

 

Take care of yourself.