Left Christianity. Now what?

[JasonPatch]

Hello. I am an ex-christian. Left the faith about 5 years ago. Now what? At 1st I felt so free & all the guilt/shame/condemnation I felt left me. However, now I have this emptiness inside, a spiritual hole I can't seem to fill. I still believe in Jesus & God but not in the ways I used to. I'm skeptical & maybe agnostic. I mostly beleive in the laws of the Universe & Karma. Anyone have suggestions for where to go from here?

[older]

Have you thought about checking out Unitarian Universalism? You might look at the Wikipedia page on it. This might be what you are looking for.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

For me, getting out into nature helps me feel more connected to the cycles of life and how life is expressed in a zillion ways above and below ground. Even the moon cycles are echoed in various kinds of life that evolved under its reflected light. I initially gravitated towards pagan traditions, though I balance that with a solid background in science and a distaste for religion in any form. This is the internal part of spirituality. That can be enhanced with certain entheogens, depending on where you live. I try to do things that enhance life on the planet rather than wrecking it. I grow plants and took care of pets until they died. That taught me a ton of patience. 

 

I take from my former faith the concepts of being kind and generous to others, particularly those who are different or in other need, except that I do this because it makes the world a better place the more each person chooses to be good. Much of nature does not act kindly at all, so kindness tends to stand out. I find others of similar perspective and we can get things done together than we can't do alone. 

 

Music is another aspect of "spirit" that I enjoy. I sing with friends at a piano bar most weeks, and occasionally do my own gigs with a trio. We share the same groove for a bit, and the audience participates when they feel that same groove. That connection between people can communicate and resonate the joy, lust, sorrow, and more that we all experience. I started out with no sense of rhythm and learning a lot of songs from scratch, but found musicians that were encouraging and kept at it until I became pretty good at it. 

 

Oddly, physical fitness is a part of it for me also. It takes consistent effort to see change, and the changes are beneficial for strength and being attractive which brings joy and better health. 

 

There is a non-comedy movie with Bill Murray called "The Razor's Edge" about a man who has been through war and more, and is seeking spirituality. I recommend it. 

 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

On 10/26/2022 at 9:30 PM, JasonPatch said:

Anyone have suggestions for where to go from here?

I don't mean to sound flippant here when I say that you are free to go wherever you'd like, but do you know who is doing the going?  It is much easier to get a gift for someone if you know that person well.  You walk into the shop, see an item, and immediately know that person will like it.  Because you know who that person is, not just facts about that person.  The same principle holds true in giving to ourselves, whether it be giving ourselves a new outlook on life, a new hobby, or even buying ourselves a new gift.  As christians, we are often told who we are, what we like, what clothes we will wear, what music to listen to.  Our sense of Self is lost in the scramble to become what "god wants us to be."  Our identity is exchanged for the likeness of christ.  The deeper the indoctrination, the shallower the Self.  I was the product of extreme childhood indoctrination; and although I have been able to successfully affect a series of convincing personae over the years, I have only come to a true sense of Self in the last decade or so.

 

I would describe my journey as one more toward Self creation, than Self discovery.  Unfortunately, having only begun the process well into adulthood, I was not able to start off with a blank canvas, or empty slate, as it were.  There were a lot of thought processes and behavioral patterns, which I unwittingly mistook for Self, that were in reality, merely hangovers from the heavy indoctrination under which I had been raised.  These had to be identified and recognized for what they were.  Some I found beneficial, such as the steadfastness with which I will pursue a goal.  Others were borderline toxic and the arduous task of eliminating them began.  Other aspects of my Self were unrecognizable to me; because they had become so familiar over time that it was difficult to accurately assess, or even identify, them.  In these situations, it became necessary to rely on people I trusted to point out and explain how these aspects operated.  Again, once recognized, the beneficial ones were kept and work was done to enhance and improve those qualities; the less beneficial ones had to be eliminated.  

 

I also began to discover gaps in my Self--empty spots, holes where it seemed something should be, but nothing was there.  In the early days, I did not recognize these gaps as being a part of my Self.  I mistook them for gaps in my life, in general.  I took them to be social or spiritual gaps; and I attempted to fill them accordingly.  I thought I could fill them by joining social groups or by enlarging my network of friends and connections.  I took to social media, joined clubs, took up hobbies that required interaction with others.  When that did not fill the gaps, I took to the more "spiritual" ideas.  At the time, I considered myself a strong atheist, so I read all the books, watched the YouTube videos, got involved in a secular humanist society, did some volunteering.  But the gaps remained.  The holes still seemed empty.

 

It was only when I realized that what I was missing was not something outside of myself that I began to understand those gaps were there for me to fill.  Those holes were my own Self making room to be filled with me.  Nothing outside of my Self would ever be able to fill those gaps.  Nothing outside of my Self will ever be able to complete my Self.  I am whole, already, holes and all.  I just needed to find those last little pieces of my Self to fill those holes.  I began to delight myself in the holes; because they were an opportunity to learn, grow, build a new part of my Self.  Be ye holey, as the Prof thy Mod is holey.

 

I eventually began to find the social and spiritual connections that felt right for me.  But only after I knew my Self well enough to identify the kinds of connections I would need and want.  Because the deepest connection I have is with my Self; and every other connection begins with that one.  

[pantheory]

On 10/26/2022 at 6:30 PM, JasonPatch said:

Hello. I am an ex-christian. Left the faith about 5 years ago. Now what? At 1st I felt so free & all the guilt/shame/condemnation I felt left me. However, now I have this emptiness inside, a spiritual hole I can't seem to fill. I still believe in Jesus & God but not in the ways I used to. I'm skeptical & maybe agnostic. I mostly beleive in the laws of the Universe & Karma. Anyone have suggestions for where to go from here?

 

Your first posting here, cool!  Welcome to Ex-Christ. I expect you will like it here and that this is the beginning of your many postings. Maybe the best value for being here is meeting, and talking with new friends. Seems like you have a spiritual void after leaving the church. My deconversion was much easier. It was more like wanting to laugh at all religions once I understood the facts.

 

anyway, good luck here and cheers

[Myrkhoos]

Take one small step. Every step then leads to the next. :)

[◊ Weezer ◊]

WELCOME!  It would also help if we knew more about you.  Age, education, profession, family, life experiences, etc, etc.  Go to introductions and tell us about what is going on with yourself, and how you got to where you are now.  Just the writing about all that may give you some ideas.

[Henndigo]

On 10/27/2022 at 12:30 PM, JasonPatch said:

Hello. I am an ex-christian. Left the faith about 5 years ago. Now what? At 1st I felt so free & all the guilt/shame/condemnation I felt left me. However, now I have this emptiness inside, a spiritual hole I can't seem to fill. I still believe in Jesus & God but not in the ways I used to. I'm skeptical & maybe agnostic. I mostly beleive in the laws of the Universe & Karma. Anyone have suggestions for where to go from here?

What about volunteering for a local organisation of some kind using skills that you have?  It would give you a sense of purpose and meaning to your life.  Christianity can be very “thoughts and prayers!” without making much of a difference unless the believer puts their actions into practice.

[MarkStonebraker]

It was just over the last couple of days that I finally broke through the last barriers of belief in a god. And from where I am now it sounds like you’re still grappling with the fundamentals of Christianity. I’m not judging here: I’ve been through that last stage of letting go of belief. It was the hardest stage for me. And now I can see how completely illogical religion is. Don’t be surprised if you go through a sad spell too. However, Each day gets clearer and brings more insight than yesterday. Stick with it. 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

5 hours ago, MarkStonebraker said:

It was just over the last couple of days that I finally broke through the last barriers of belief in a god. And from where I am now it sounds like you’re still grappling with the fundamentals of Christianity. I’m not judging here: I’ve been through that last stage of letting go of belief. It was the hardest stage for me. And now I can see how completely illogical religion is. Don’t be surprised if you go through a sad spell too. However, Each day gets clearer and brings more insight than yesterday. Stick with it. 

 

And the longer you are out, the clearer it becomes.  Even after 30 years I still occasionally realize another insight.  Welcome to the forum!

[MarkStonebraker]

Since my original post I’ve moved through yet another stage of letting go.  A friend sent a meme about god and Satan laughing together. It caused a bit of discomfort initially due to a lifetime of believing that “god will not be mocked”. After a few moments I realized the foolishness of a god being offended. A god that takes offense is no god at all. This journey of leaving mythological belief is a fascinating journey. Religion is powerful propaganda!

[◊ Weezer ◊]

1 hour ago, MarkStonebraker said:

 

 A friend sent a meme about god and Satan laughing together. 

 

One line of thought from ancient Sumerian history is that god and satan were actually "brothers".  Or at least fellow countrymen who worked together and were in charge of the slave race of humans that had been "created" through genetic manipulation.  So yes, that may have happened??   But according to the story, they eventually had a falling out.  Satan felt sorry for the humans and decided to help them out of their situation.  This led to eons of social struggle that has continued until today.