Unhappy New Year

[Pinkbunion]

I feel like I need to get this out of my chest. My father started a case related to the ownership of land that went on for several years. He got arrested by one of the defendants/ally of the defendants, because of falsification of documents. Right now, my family is stressed and worried. What I did not like is that whenever something bad happens, my mother always says "its God's plan". To me, it does not make any sense. Even my elder sister said that "Is it really God's plan, if its like this?". She has some doubts about God, but is still Roman Catholic - which is my family's religion. Also, Im not close to any of my family members because me and my sister have different interests and personalities, and me and my parents have a generation gap. Also, I don't like telling anything bad or any of my problems to them, because they say "that's nothing compared to the gallbladder stones your mother has" or that they'll tell me that they have a lot of problems already and that I shouldn't add my problems to their own, I also have to keep up appearances of being ok and that everything's alright because the minute I say my problems or feelings or any negative thing, they just don't want to listen. Me, on the other hand, is forced to listen to their problems, because they might say that I don't care about them. I feel like Im just living with roommates and not with family, and that I have to hide a lot of things from them. I feel like Im forced to live with them. On the other hand, it's not like I'm in a bad situation with them, they provide my basic needs and I help pay the bills and necessities, and I also had moments with them, its just that I think I'm not compatible with them. I describe the relationship with my family as an ok relationship.

[pantheory]

10 hours ago, Pinkbunion said:

I feel like I need to get this out of my chest. My father started a case related to the ownership of land that went on for several years. He got arrested by one of the defendants/ally of the defendants, because of falsification of documents. Right now, my family is stressed and worried. What I did not like is that whenever something bad happens, my mother always says "its God's plan". To me, it does not make any sense. Even my elder sister said that "Is it really God's plan, if its like this?". She has some doubts about God, but is still Roman Catholic - which is my family's religion. Also, Im not close to any of my family members because me and my sister have different interests and personalities, and me and my parents have a generation gap. Also, I don't like telling anything bad or any of my problems to them, because they say "that's nothing compared to the gallbladder stones your mother has" or that they'll tell me that they have a lot of problems already and that I shouldn't add my problems to their own, I also have to keep up appearances of being ok and that everything's alright because the minute I say my problems or feelings or any negative thing, they just don't want to listen. Me, on the other hand, is forced to listen to their problems, because they might say that I don't care about them. I feel like Im just living with roommates and not with family, and that I have to hide a lot of things from them. I feel like Im forced to live with them. On the other hand, it's not like I'm in a bad situation with them, they provide my basic needs and I help pay the bills and necessities, and I also had moments with them, its just that I think I'm not compatible with them. I describe the relationship with my family as an ok relationship.

 

Don't get too emotionally involved in it. "it's God's plan" is a well-intended kindly saying, that as you suggest makes no sense. Do your best to have a great and happy new year anyway

[TheRedneckProfessor]

It's good that you recognize the toxicity of your family dynamic.  This will help you more easily heal from it; as well as identify and remove your own toxic behaviors, before they start to affect your future relationships.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

I don't know how old you are, but if you are an adult, you are similar to roommates.   Your situation sounds similar to mine when I was in college and living at home.  

 

I suggest sharing with family what you can, but don't depend on them entirely for emotional/social support.  It is tme to build your own support system and a life separate from family.  Do things that are worthwhile in life, and help you feel good about yourself.  Don't get focused on discussions about who has the biggest problems, etc.  That leads to everyone feeling worse.  Don't ignore problems that need attention, but don't make that your focus in life.

 

When family says it is Gods plan, remind them of the scripture Matthew 5: 45 that says it rains on the just, as it rains on the unjust.  Remember, if you look long enough, you can find a scripture in the Bible that justifies about anything you want to justify. 

[Dearnear]

On 1/2/2023 at 4:19 PM, Pinkbunion said:

Also, I don't like telling anything bad or any of my problems to them, because they say "that's nothing compared to the gallbladder stones your mother has" or that they'll tell me that they have a lot of problems already and that I shouldn't add my problems to their own,

If I hear someone say this to me, I might feel lonely and angry. I don't know how long  you've had to live like this, I feel bad for you. Why do you feel like you're forced to live with them? I would like to suggest you stop living with your family and try and make friends. A good friend can be good ears to listen when you need.

 

 

[Henndigo]

I would just focus on the things you can control.  Is moving out an option at all?  It will be much easier to become your authentic self if you have the space to do so.

[Pinkbunion]

Sorry for the late reply, but thank you all for the responses! Gratefully, my father is back home after the arrest because we paid the bail. I am thankful for them for raising raising me even though we have problems. My age is currently 25, and as of now, moving out is not an option, since doing so costs money and I am there to help pay the bills and day to day needs of the family and yes, I need to focus on the things I need to control. I think I could talk more to people in my workplace since I'm an introvert, and talking to people personally is a bit hard for me. Thank you all for the advice. I wish us all a Happy New Year!