What am I?

[Veralynn]

12 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

This doesn't stray from our discussion at all. You asked:

 

 

This is my answer to your question. That makes it part of the discussion.

 

I would never be able to pinpoint one source of information. Or one author. But I can say Bart Ehrman has been the most influential since my deconversion. But not before.

 

I honestly started searching for archeological evidence to support the bible and resolve lingering questions. In the hopes that I could return to church with peace of mind and a better understanding. My assessment of what had been discovered lead me to the understanding that what I once believed was not actually true. And here I am. Fully deconverted and at peace with it. Before I did that searching I was in a place a lot like what you described. It is a bad place to be. And I hope you find your answers as I found mine. 

 

DB

sorry. I think I got confused in the fray. I am impressed with the boldness of  your inner peace. Forgive my skepticism,  I'm just struggling to picture myself contented with oblivion. (Too bad oblivion much like nature doesn't care.) I've just heard that line of "once you have accepted all the things I have..." speech before and regretably in my youth I probably have given it. I know that's Not what's going on here but the similarity is unnerving. Thanks again for your patience.

 

Bart Erhman is interesting. Read him a bit ago in back in College. I enjoyed some things he had to say I think but sadly time has erroded the memory. 

 

Ok I trust you a bit so here we go:

 

I am not deconverted as you say. Because I have this relationship with what many would call God. I'm not Biblical literalist because that's silly and another tool for the tyrant bag. I never have been but I certainly grew up exposed to that culture. As I mentioned before perhaps on anothers comment I have first hand witnessed that abuse. I'm not unique in that but there is some empiracal data for me on that matter which has been coraborated by the witness of others. 

 

Similarly I have had countless religious experiences. Empirical data, corroboration. I cannot discount that experience as it has shaped who I am and is part of my identity. However I would say that none of those experiences has ever been a religious extatic experience ecclesiastical or miraculous. More like how I'm talking to you right now. Except I'm usually by myself or saying expitives in my head at the Creator for allowing the evil of crappy Ikea furniture to be spread accross the face of the earth. 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

10 hours ago, Veralynn said:

 

crappy Ikea furniture to be spread accross the face of the earth. 

 

Hey, the good thing about throwing Ikea furniture out the door, is that you haven't really lost anything.   WELCOME!

 

Also, anyone who has had to deal with a BPD for any length of time, deserves a medal of honor.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

On 1/2/2023 at 3:13 PM, Veralynn said:

 

Fourth, I want to know if anyone here feels the way I do. I’m at a very scary place in life right now and I need hope.

Is there anyone else out there? Or are we all just desperate to find that particular flavor of koolaid which provides us enough ethical cover to excuse our bad behavior? Jumping ship as soon as we see dissonance between our desires and our values.
 

There is no way we can know exactly how you feel.  But we have been in scary places.  Perhaps not as scary as having an alcoholic BPD mother, but I have worked with them and had one sue me for frivilous reasons.  You need hope?  If you have survived this far in life, and are writing to us, it is likely you will survive at least a while longer.  HANG ON!

 

Yes we are here, and are NOT looking for kool-aid.  We dumped that on the ground some time back.  And no, we do not jump ship with dissonance.  It is part of our humanhood.  

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Interesting you mentioned cuneiform.  I am presently reading some books on Sumerian writings. Very interesting stuff.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

19 hours ago, Veralynn said:

I'm just struggling to picture myself contented with oblivion.

No one wants to die. Death does scare me. But not because I fear hell. Its just that I enjoy life and I love my family. There will always be things I know I would miss if I passed. And I know the pain my death would cause my children. I hope I atleast live long enough to see my children all making it on their own without needing dear old dad, that I have all my arrangements worked out so they won't have to worry about it, and that the memories they have of me are mostly good memories that they will cherish. 

 

I also think that our mentality about death changes as we get older. Whether we are Christian or not. My great uncle passed last year, he was 93 and had survived pretty much his whole family, including his wife and only child. He got to the point that his body was failing him and he wanted to go. I think for him death was a welcome friend. So while you may fear death now. There may come a time when it doesn't seem so scary.

 

The best thing to do is not to worry about it. Thats a bridge that everyone must cross. But you can't live your life fearing it or you will miss out on what life has to offer. 

 

19 hours ago, Veralynn said:

Bart Erhman is interesting.

He is really good at explaining his findings. If you haven't read it yet, his book "Heaven and Hell" a history of the afterlife is a must read. He also has a new book about The book of revelation coming up in March. I'm looking forward to reading that. I've read a few small studies from other people about how all of revelation was actually talking about events that happened almost 2000 years ago. So it will be nice to read a full study from someone as thorough as Ehrman. 

 

19 hours ago, Veralynn said:

Ok I trust you a bit so here we go:

 

I am not deconverted as you say. Because I have this relationship with what many would call God. I'm not Biblical literalist because that's silly and another tool for the tyrant bag. I never have been but I certainly grew up exposed to that culture. As I mentioned before perhaps on anothers comment I have first hand witnessed that abuse. I'm not unique in that but there is some empiracal data for me on that matter which has been coraborated by the witness of others. 

 

Similarly I have had countless religious experiences. Empirical data, corroboration. I cannot discount that experience as it has shaped who I am and is part of my identity. However I would say that none of those experiences has ever been a religious extatic experience ecclesiastical or miraculous. More like how I'm talking to you right now. Except I'm usually by myself or saying expitives in my head at the Creator for allowing the evil of crappy Ikea furniture to be spread accross the face of the earth. 

Thank you I'm glad you feel comfortable talking to me. 

 

Not being a biblical literalist is good. It allows you to be yourself more. And that is the truly important part. If you can live your life, practicing your faith, and be happy. What more can you ask for? Enjoy it. And if anyone tries to force you to conform to more stringent beliefs tell them that God knows your heart and He's good with the way you are now, and let it be. 

 

Unfortunately I was a biblical literalist, fundy, and a believer that the Bible was inerrant. This is the one thing that all the churches I attended agreed with. Yet non of them taught the exact same thing .  Having that mentality set me up for a lot of questions and confusion when I began to think about certain things critically. And here I am

 

You mentioned that there were issues that troubled and tortured you in your OP. You said you need hope. What is it that your hoping to resolve or achieve? Is there anything specific that you want to talk about? What is causing the feeling of hopelessness? Is the prospect of death the main issue?

 

Sincerely,

DB

[alreadyGone]

On 1/2/2023 at 4:13 PM, Veralynn said:

 

"...I do not believe in reason."

 

"... I’m at a very scary place in life right now and I need hope."

 

 

 

 

Absent any belief in reason. what is there to discuss?

 

I truly wish you the best.