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My Personal Testimony

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I just love this forum!

I grew up in a christian school and church since i was 4 years old-i naturally assumed it was all true until i was 7. Thats when I had my first issue-this may sound silly- All the other kids in my class had these plastic ponies, but my mother wouldn't get one for me. So I prayed to god and asked that when i woke up one would be waiting for me. it wasn't there. That was when i first wondered-"Maybe god isn't real" But i kept believing or assuming rather for the next 7 years-I would pray everytime I wanted something or needed help-never got an answer. I kept re-"giving my life to christ" about once a year, each time hoping to feel better, or feel something at least-but i never did.

I prayed endlessly during my painful middle school years-not one answer.

When I was in ninth grade through 11th grade i pretty much abandoned christianity but in the back of my mind i just assumed that i was a rebel and was destined for hell.

The summer after 11th grade I went to church camp and as usual i avoided all religious activity. One of the camp councelors noticed that I wasn't a participant and saw fit to try to convince me to accept christ. As he rambled on about his testimony and such I asked him one question-"How are you certain that its real-that it's the truth?" his answer-"I don't know-I just have a feeling it is." then I said "Well I don't have that feeling and I never have. And I've tried really hard to feel it, but I don't." that was when I realized that I just didn't believe it because I had no reason to.

And like most of us-we really have tried to see it, to feel it-but we just don't

Over the next three years I spent some time actually reading scripture and realized that it just wasn't right-

inconsistancies in the bible,

the meanness of god-killing his children

free will and hell-impossible

sexism, homophobia, slavism, racism

god picking favorites (jews, also picking christians if you look at the bible literally)

god smiting and killing abundantly

original sin-unfair

VERY unfair if we all only were to have one chance then we should all be given equal lives on this earth-don't ya think? 80 years each-same wealth, living conditions, looks, etc-this is what really turns me off to it.

Well those are just a few things that I don't like about christianity-but there are many more where that came from!!!

I still suffer from some doubts and insecurities and guilt-its a long process-dechristianizing, don't feel bad if you suffer from these too.

Its like if you had a parent who abused you emotionally and told you, you are a bad kid, a mistake, you deserve to burn. It would take time to recover from that right?

right now I consider my self somewhat new age-but i really don't know-I believe that we should all be considered our own gods and that we all have equal worth-everything in life does really. I also believe that there could not be good without evil and vice versa. I also am looking into magic and the supernatural.

I'm looking forward to spending time on these boards!

best wishing to all on de-christianizing!!!

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Great post N!


I like how you were able to condense so much information using a low word count.


You said, "I believe ... have own gods." I never thought of that. But it reminded me that, when I was a christian, I had made a god of my own. I ascribed all kinds of good stuff to the christian god, and that's how I got by.


You made me think that what I had was a god of my own!

That's what I call an aha moment.


Thanks :rolleyes:

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Guest revpo

Agree with your statement, also read AGE OF REASON , you should enjoy that.

My of my praying to what, the old statement, prayer crouching before a god, who never answers and is probably not there.

I don't believe anyone like that has ever appeared...

I am glad you don't have a feeling..

revpo :close:

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