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Started Taking Zoloft...


Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Well, not exactly, but I have been going through some difficult stuff. Actually it's exactly the same stuff I've been going through since I was 12. Regardless......

 

I had been prescribed antidepressants before, but I never took them in favor of my "herbal" remedy. But, as shameful as it is to say, my best friend recently told me that he couldn't hang out with me anymore because I was too angry and I'm bringing him down. This shocked me because I've been viscerally angry my whole fucking life, but I guess he just got tired of it.

 

Anyway, I present this animosity(those who see the best in me call it passion) wherever I go, it seems, this board included. But those who really know me see a slightly softer side. The one where I tear up at the feintest sign of emotion from another person, whether in real life or in the media. The one who can't look a bum in the eye without giving him a fiver. The point is my emotions seem mostly out of control and rarely manifest themselves in any positive way, I guess.

 

So, a friend gave me their old prescription for Zoloft a few days ago. I usually wake up, roll out of bed and smoke a joint. Not since zoloft. In four days I've consumed less than 800 food calories. Zoloft makes me not really taste food. I've listened to songs that usually meake me cry when I take the cd out of the case. No tears. I sort of feel them try to come, but they stop right behind my eyes. I've had several chances to ride my high horse, but I let it go.

 

Is this better? I think I liked the old me better even though it rubbed people the wrong way. It seems like the people who really love me unconditionally delight in some of the thing that this drug has taken away from me.....in just four days.

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I have taken all of the depression pills in the cabinet and none of them helped me..

I'm not trying to go all DARE on you but-I don't believe that doing drugs of any kind can really help you make feel better in the long run and even the short run really. The side effects of some of those depression drugs are murder-one time I fell asleep standing up. They do cover up the feeling of your emotions-but you are actually still feeling them and just supressing them. And we've all heard the stories of kids killing themselves when taking them.

I have found that the best thing to do is be honest with myself about how I'm feeling and not try to avoid any emotions.

Have you ever broken a priceless vase? its very enjoyable.

I would try letting the depression run its course-avoid any and all drugs(yes that means weed)

thats just my opinion though.

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Back when I was taking antidepressants (one time was buspar, the other time it was paxil), they gave me this funny feeling (slightly drunken) in my head along with a I-really-don't-give-a-shit attitude.

 

I stopped taking them once I realized that I was beginning to take them more often than I should because I liked how they made me feel. Part of me knew that if I kept that up, I would become an addict, and I wasn't going to let that happen.

 

Since then, I've dealt with my phases of depression mentally. I know that they come, and I know that they're usually temporary even though I have no idea of how long they'll last. So I just keep telling myself that it's a phase.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Depression has been in my backpack for 20 years, but as each year goes by it expresses itself as anger more and more, to the effect of arguing in a raised voice with nearly everyone I love. I am increasingly more intolerant of right wing ideologies, and my best friend is a staunch republican. I feel like I should be able to let it go, but when he tells me he's okay with 1 innocent man dying in order to kill 99 bad guys, even if the innocent man is me, I find that hard to just absorb and move on with the conversation. But, shit, the recent hullaballo over me being in the clubhouse was a direct result of my inability to let the small stuff go. This pops up all over my life, because I don't see it as "small stuff". Basically, I am taking antidepressants to fit in better with society. My soul is a fringe dweller and always will be.

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As a pharmacy student, reading your guys' experiences with these drugs is interesting. They don't tell us people have these kinds of reactions in school. And, I have taken these drugs too... and they don't make me that way. They just made me normal... not sleeping 24/7, not crying all the time, able to get motivated to go to class, etc.... they really helped me.

 

It's really interesting how drugs that fuck with the mind affect different people in so many different ways. :Hmm:

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Shiva,

 

Your post is heartbreaking and I worry for you. I know it's going to sound like the mother in me, but frankly it needs to be said. I'd like to stress the fact that Zoloft or any other mind altering drugs should be done under the supervision of a Dr. Taking a friends old left over medication can be extremely dangerous and unhealthy. Doses need to start off small and then they work up to your comfort zone and what not. Moods are suppose to be closely supervised. As an example If you're becoming depressed or thoughts of death or the vice could be anger and rage on the other extreme the medication is probably not for you. I find a huge amount of sadness and loneliness in this post. It could be just how I'm interpreting it and if I'm wrong I apologize.

 

I'm truly sorry for all that you've had to endure. I for one liked you as you were. Sure you're rough around the edges, but that's part of what makes you well.. you.. Anyways, Like I tell my kids, you have the power to change things you don't like about your disposition. I'm sorry I'm going off on a tangent of sorts. I wish the best of luck to you and miss you posting.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Thanks, Japedo. I'm on the lowest dose possible, 25mg. I'm sort of an amateur pharmacist and, since I've been 13, have never taken any drug without knowing everything to expect. I'm fascinated with all drugs, but especially the psychoactive ones, obviously.

 

At the first sign of anything grossly abnormal I would cease the med. It's strange how well I seem to know my own mind, and how loose my controlover ity seems to be in certain situations. In any case, the demeanor I seem to inevitably present to the world isn't the one I would like to.

 

I want to just enjoy life.

 

Back when I was taking antidepressants (one time was buspar, the other time it was paxil), they gave me this funny feeling (slightly drunken) in my head along with a I-really-don't-give-a-shit attitude.

 

I stopped taking them once I realized that I was beginning to take them more often than I should because I liked how they made me feel. Part of me knew that if I kept that up, I would become an addict, and I wasn't going to let that happen.

 

Since then, I've dealt with my phases of depression mentally. I know that they come, and I know that they're usually temporary even though I have no idea of how long they'll last. So I just keep telling myself that it's a phase.

 

But the reasons I'm taking this drug have been with me since I was 12. If this thing lets me see life for awhile without the heavy burden I've been dragging, I can't wait. I'm skeptical and hopeful at the same time.

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But, shit, the recent hullaballo over me being in the clubhouse was a direct result of my inability to let the small stuff go.
If it's any consolation, I was one of the ones rootin' for you in the club house. Even though I've never met you in real life, your "real" personality (the one your friends see) has always shown itself to me via your writings/music/whatever.

 

Even in your rants toward other people, there is some sort of brilliance there that doesn't go unnoticed by me. :shrug:

 

But hey! Who the hell am I? I'm just a mouse after all. :shrug:

 

 

It's really interesting how drugs that fuck with the mind affect different people in so many different ways. :Hmm:
This goes for any type of medicine, not just the ones dealing with brain chemistry.

 

I think that the differences in effects are there because everybody's brain is different and therefore that causes the medicine to react differently.

 

Well, the medicine may not be reacting differently, but people's brains do. :shrug:

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
Even though I've never met you in real life, your "real" personality (the one your friends see) has always shown itself to me via your writings/music/whatever.

 

Thanks Fwee. That means more to me than you can know. :thanks:

 

 

edit-

 

The question mark was a typo, fwee. :)

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Even though I've never met you in real life, your "real" personality (the one your friends see) has always shown itself to me via your writings/music/whatever.

 

Thanks Fwee. That means more to me than you can know. :thanks:

 

 

edit-

 

The question mark was a typo, fwee. :)

 

Ah what the hell.

 

There's character in your writing. It's good stuff. I know you're alive, and in some small way that helps me feel more alive, but you do what you gotta do.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

I understand where you're coming from, Japedo. I don't want to take any meds at all, but I honestly don't know why I do the things I do. I always have the opportunity to stop, but in the moment it seems like the only thing I'm supposed to do. My emotions take over and I regret it later. This happens when I am stone cold sober. I need something to afford me that clarity tha sees past my emotions in the moment. The ability of this drug to nearly instantly suppress my lacrimosity is more than promising for me.

 

You have no idea the state of my life. :grin:

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J...

 

I take Zoloft nightly now. Not so much as a *crazy pill* but for controlling some of the neuropathic problems caused by diabeties.

 

Find that when taken in mornings I tend to be zombiefied to popint that I don't do much but look at walls and ceiling fan.

 

Taken at night, the dope helps me sleep and when I awake it is usually clear headed and motivated.

 

Gonna take time for system to adjust and become used to the Zoloft.. Give self a month to get more used to it. Try the taking at night.

 

Go talk to a Doc if you can about the problem and this avenue of solution. Don't fuck around until Uncle Gun and the Muzzle want to sing that last song for your head..

 

I know mean.... It isn't anything you'll get over, but learn when to use it.

 

k, mean_old_fucking_man, L

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
Even though I've never met you in real life, your "real" personality (the one your friends see) has always shown itself to me via your writings/music/whatever.

 

Thanks Fwee. That means more to me than you can know. :thanks:

 

 

edit-

 

The question mark was a typo, fwee. :)

 

Ah what the hell.

 

There's character in your writing. It's good stuff. I know you're alive, and in some small way that helps me feel more alive, but you do what you gotta do.

 

Thanks, jj.

 

J...

 

I take Zoloft nightly now. Not so much as a *crazy pill* but for controlling some of the neuropathic problems caused by diabeties.

 

Find that when taken in mornings I tend to be zombiefied to popint that I don't do much but look at walls and ceiling fan.

 

Taken at night, the dope helps me sleep and when I awake it is usually clear headed and motivated.

 

Gonna take time for system to adjust and become used to the Zoloft.. Give self a month to get more used to it. Try the taking at night.

 

Go talk to a Doc if you can about the problem and this avenue of solution. Don't fuck around until Uncle Gun and the Muzzle want to sing that last song for your head..

 

I know mean.... It isn't anything you'll get over, but learn when to use it.

 

k, mean_old_fucking_man, L

 

 

Now I'm gonna cry. :grin: Thanks Kevin. :thanks:

 

Awww, whom am I kidding? I'm already crying. I need more dope.

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Now that I think about it, there's another reason that I quit taking the Paxil, too.

 

The headaches!!!

 

Oh God, the freakin' headaches!!! :ugh:

 

I also used them as a "gauge" to tell me when it was time to take more Paxil.

 

If the headache was comin' on, that meant that the medicine was wearin' off. :phew:

 

 

F, fucking_mean_old_men, T :HaHa:

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Now that I think about it, there's another reason that I quit taking the Paxil, too.

 

The headaches!!!

 

Oh God, the freakin' headaches!!! :ugh:

 

I also used them as a "gauge" to tell me when it was time to take more Paxil.

 

If the headache was comin' on, that meant that the medicine was wearin' off. :phew:

 

 

F, fucking_mean_old_men, T :HaHa:

 

 

So far I have experienced tiny little stabs of euphoria in a mostly stoic landscape. For me, I guess this is a good thing.

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So far I have experienced tiny little stabs of euphoria in a mostly stoic landscape. For me, I guess this is a good thing.
I don't know what you mean by the 'stoic landscape' thing, but yeah, I would get like little (albeit fleeting) puffs of pleasure while on the medicine. I think that's what made me take it more often than I should have. Even then, I realized that the feeling didn't really get stronger or come more often, but I still overdosed anyway. :shrug:

 

I know. It was stupid. But then again, that didn't matter to me at the time.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

"stoic landscape" was me being a pretentious artfag, I guess. I should have said "emotionless existence". Does that help?

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"stoic landscape" was me being a pretentious artfag, I guess. I should have said "emotionless existence". Does that help?
I guess. But it doesn't exactly explain the "euphoria" part. Unless I'm mistaken on the meaning of that word.

 

 

a feeling of well-being or elation - from Webster

 

:shrug:

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

I didn't misuse a word. I meant what I said. I've had "tiny stabs of euphoria in a mostly stoic landscape" for the last four days. I usually cry at least once or twice a day. Not anymore. I've had a few fleeting moments where I feel like I just snorted heroin, but they disappeared quickly.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

I'm sleeping more, but I still have plenty of energy. Actually, the freedom from emotion is rather refreshing. The problem is that I'm not eating but I'm still lifting weights. I know that's bad. But I'd rather the drug curb my appetite than stimulate it, as has been reported many times. I'm forcing myself to consume stuff.

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I didn't misuse a word. I meant what I said. I've had "tiny stabs of euphoria in a mostly stoic landscape" for the last four days. I usually cry at least once or twice a day. Not anymore. I've had a few fleeting moments where I feel like I just snorted heroin, but they disappeared quickly.
Oh, I see! :Doh:

 

So what you meant to say was that you felt stabs of euphoria in a mostly stoic landscape then, right? :mellow:

 

 

:HaHa:

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I've never had any problems with depression and only rarely issues with anxiety of any sort -- up until recently. Won't go into details here, but I was getting hit with alternating waves of anxiety and depression non-stop. I tried a few generic Xanax left over from someone else's prescription and they helped, but before I could get my own prescription I tried some herbal remedies. No, not that kind, the legal stuff. Any one who knows me would probably laugh because while I rarely take medicine of any kind I would gladly do that before I would go w/ herbal stuff. But I was desparate.

 

For anxiety I ended up trying this stuff called "Calm-u-nat" -- the active ingredient if passiflora, some sort of extract from passion flower I believe. It took the edge off so I could think clearly. It made a big difference.

 

I also tried St. John's Wort when I was feeling depressed and it again took the edge off.

 

My rational mind reminds me that this could have been a placebo effect, but it also worked for my wife so..........?

 

Just a thought.....

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Trashy,

 

If it works, does it really matter if it's the "placebo effect"? :grin:

 

 

Good point.

 

 

And also, just because something is herbal doesn't mean that it doesn't work. I've taken Valerian root to relax (for anxiety issues, spasmed back muscles, and to sleep better), and it works big time.

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