"hearing" From God

[Knightley]

If there was anything more idiotic, its the time that I took off from college trying to find out "god's will" for my life and trying to "hear" from xian god. I don't understand why xian god tries to get human beings to "hear" from him. Prayer is only one way, people pray to god, god doesn't pray back. God doesn't "speak" back in any way. Reading the bible isn't "hearing" from god, its just reading. I hate it when people say god "told" them something, most likely they told it to themselves.

[Matt]

So explain how u took off from college to find god. Sorry, but that sux. I hate how so many of us have cried, prayed, given so much and had so much inner warfare over such idiocy as christianity.

 

 

But i guess without it we never woulda met so great peeps. I spose it might not weigh it out but ay...lookin at the good stuff

 

oops great people on this site. (and yes i know my spelling is shocking. Im just CBF)

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

So explain how u took off from college to find god. Sorry, but that sux. I hate how so many of us have cried, prayed, given so much and had so much inner warfare over such idiocy as christianity.

 

 

But i guess without it we never woulda met so great peeps. I spose it might not weigh it out but ay...lookin at the good stuff

 

oops great people on this site. (and yes i know my spelling is shocking. Im just CBF)

 

Why is Matt listed as an apologist if he thinks xianity is idiocy?

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

If there was anything more idiotic, its the time that I took off from college trying to find out "god's will" for my life and trying to "hear" from xian god. I don't understand why xian god tries to get human beings to "hear" from him. Prayer is only one way, people pray to god, god doesn't pray back. God doesn't "speak" back in any way. Reading the bible isn't "hearing" from god, its just reading. I hate it when people say god "told" them something, most likely they told it to themselves.

 

I agree wholeheartedly. I always thought there was something wrong with me as a christian because I never "heard" from god. I would get "feelings" like I thought this is what I should do or say, but it was all ALWAYS just my own thoughts. There was absolutely no way to know if this was from god. Christians want to tell you that if it agrees with the bible, then it's from god and if it doesn't, it's not. This is their method of verification? Don't they READ the bible? Don't they LIVE by the bible? OF COURSE they're going to think things that correlate with their holy book....IF they read it.

[Amethyst]

So explain how u took off from college to find god. Sorry, but that sux. I hate how so many of us have cried, prayed, given so much and had so much inner warfare over such idiocy as christianity.

 

 

But i guess without it we never woulda met so great peeps. I spose it might not weigh it out but ay...lookin at the good stuff

 

oops great people on this site. (and yes i know my spelling is shocking. Im just CBF)

 

Why is Matt listed as an apologist if he thinks xianity is idiocy?

 

Just a guess, but probably because he listed Jesus in any gods.

[Guest revpo]

Hear from god, come on, he has never appeared or answered your prayers...no such thing.

 

If christians agree and say the bible told me so, or quote the bible..they must be out of touch with reality..murder, killingof woman and children, and god told me so...

Mental facilities zelch..negative..its like esops fables..make believe....only a limited sentence is correct and most of the history is wrong..

revpo

[Matt]

Oh i just havent changed my name yet lol. I came here to convert you all mwhahahha. Nar...but yeh....i did...but also wanted 2 hear other people views on matters. Seems things changed

[Knightley]

So explain how u took off from college to find god. Sorry, but that sux. I hate how so many of us have cried, prayed, given so much and had so much inner warfare over such idiocy as christianity.

 

 

But i guess without it we never woulda met so great peeps. I spose it might not weigh it out but ay...lookin at the good stuff

 

oops great people on this site. (and yes i know my spelling is shocking. Im just CBF)

 

 

 

I went to college right after high school. I went there for about two semesters and during my last semester which was the second semester, I got serious about God and having a serious relationship with this being, so I quit college. I withdrew.

 

 

 

I began going to church, praying for god's will and just praying in general, I immersed myself in xian media....magazines, books, cds, movies, etc. Began studying apologetic books, read christian fiction, read general non-fiction by xian writers, read a lot of C.S. Lewis. I even contributed to xian media like websites and print magazines, I eventually had my shit taken down by the webmasters of those xian websites. During that time, I made xian friends, etc. I mean I really was serious, and I threw away anything that didn't line up with the xian mentality. I thought Harry Potter was evil, that it was wrong to listen to secular music, and that made me miserable. Ugh.

 

 

 

I wasted three years of my life. My friends who weren't xian and even the xian ones, just went through college, they've graduated last year. Three years of my life down the drain, I was a ghost in my own life, just watching life passing me by. God's will never came. Now I'm back in college as a 23 year old. I should be at some entry-level job but no here I am with 18 year old kids all over again, no offfense but I do feel old next to them. I feel like a loser.

 

 

 

So I'm doing my best to take online courses and summer courses this summer to help me get my degree faster.

 

And I took off the years from college to get close to god and find out his will for my life. I didn't know what to major back then so I thought that I shouldn't be in college and maybe it wasn't god's will for me to go to college. Well I've experienced the real world and it sure sucks without a college degree.

[JGJ@ReligionisBullshit]

If God answered prayers at least one amputee out of millions would have his limb back.

[Matt]

Thanks for sharing that. Im still in highschool but i was planning to like spend a year or 2 to do nothing right after school just to find gods will and become strong in the faith etc. Luckily i started to think before ive finished highschool...Thank.....youz .......But things are better now yeh?...btw where do ya get ur avatar pics from. Ive seen some good ones aye.

[Knightley]

Matt, do take some time after high school to do whatever the hell you want. Have fun, I don't think its bad to take off a year or two. But don't do stupid things like do drugs or something shitty that will get you in real trouble but yeah enjoy your time off.

 

In Britain and in Europe, there's this tradition where kids take off one year and travel, hang out with friends, do whatever after high school. Then they go back to college and get serious and get their degrees.

 

I'm glad that you figured things out faster than I did, you'll save a lot of time, money and heartache from religion. Yes things are a whole lot better!

 

I go to various livejournal.com communities that's where I find them, I am a livejournal freak and I credit where I got the avatars from on my LJ but I don't do that on a forum.

 

Some of my favorites are

 

http://satc_icons.livejournal.com/

 

http://satc_graphics.livejournal.com/

 

I usually like to type an actor, movie, in the "interest" category and click on search, so many people there are icon makers, so yeah its pretty cool. Just make sure that you credit on LJ if you use their icons, otherwise they get all mad and you'll be a black sheep in the LJ communities. Word spreads pretty fast online.

 

Ahem, I don't bother crediting, on a forum. I just don't see the point, most of the pictures are paparazzi pictures, scans from magazines, etc and they're not theirs either. hehe, someday I plan on making my own avatars. When I get the money to buy photoshop

[jjacksonRIAB]

So explain how u took off from college to find god. Sorry, but that sux. I hate how so many of us have cried, prayed, given so much and had so much inner warfare over such idiocy as christianity.

 

 

But i guess without it we never woulda met so great peeps. I spose it might not weigh it out but ay...lookin at the good stuff

 

oops great people on this site. (and yes i know my spelling is shocking. Im just CBF)

 

 

 

I went to college right after high school. I went there for about two semesters and during my last semester which was the second semester, I got serious about God and having a serious relationship with this being, so I quit college. I withdrew.

 

 

 

I began going to church, praying for god's will and just praying in general, I immersed myself in xian media....magazines, books, cds, movies, etc. Began studying apologetic books, read christian fiction, read general non-fiction by xian writers, read a lot of C.S. Lewis. I even contributed to xian media like websites and print magazines, I eventually had my shit taken down by the webmasters of those xian websites. During that time, I made xian friends, etc. I mean I really was serious, and I threw away anything that didn't line up with the xian mentality. I thought Harry Potter was evil, that it was wrong to listen to secular music, and that made me miserable. Ugh.

 

 

 

I wasted three years of my life. My friends who weren't xian and even the xian ones, just went through college, they've graduated last year. Three years of my life down the drain, I was a ghost in my own life, just watching life passing me by. God's will never came. Now I'm back in college as a 23 year old. I should be at some entry-level job but no here I am with 18 year old kids all over again, no offfense but I do feel old next to them. I feel like a loser.

 

 

 

So I'm doing my best to take online courses and summer courses this summer to help me get my degree faster.

 

And I took off the years from college to get close to god and find out his will for my life. I didn't know what to major back then so I thought that I shouldn't be in college and maybe it wasn't god's will for me to go to college. Well I've experienced the real world and it sure sucks without a college degree.

 

Don't feel that way. I am 26 without a degree, and sometimes I feel the same way you do, but I know now that I've only gotten more intelligent as time has progressed. They've played the game, while I've disassociated myself from it and their Way. It's all religion, it's all dogma. You haven't missed anything.

 

All of us need time to decide what we want out of life. Few of us actually know what that is. Besides, time is immaterial. Four years can go by in the blink of an eye. In the Game, you are ahead of me. Don't feel bad for making the journey of self-discovery. That road's yours.

[Knightley]

Yeah I sometimes wonder if a college degree will be worth it. Part of me understands the value of education and I like to learn, another part of me is doing it for my mom who wants me to have a college degree and thinks that its dear life. Thing is that she has her degree, but now owns her own business, so she doesn't ever use it. lol. She got into business without ever going to business school or majoring in business.

 

I'm a business major and taking all the classes for that. I'm actually more interested in artistic things like filmmaking, writing, drawing, etc. That's where my passion lies in life. I was accepted to a writing program, some of my writing has been accepted by media print and websites. This happened back in my xian days, I contributed to christian media. But its hard doing that, so that's why I am going into business.

 

A girl's gotta have a roof over her head, eat, and well have health insurance and a car. I don't want to be a pauper. So we'll see, my mom tells me all the time, "well try out different things, see what you like but get your college degree." lol.

[LosingMyReligion]

I did the whole "sabbatical from school' thing after I graduated highschool...

At the time it was good for me. I was too emotionally disturbed to go off to college.

 

Then I finally started going and now my family wants me to quit because, "I am becoming too intelligent for my own good..."

 

Yeah, whatever...go read a book outside of the bible.

[jjacksonRIAB]

Yeah I sometimes wonder if a college degree will be worth it. Part of me understands the value of education and I like to learn, another part of me is doing it for my mom who wants me to have a college degree and thinks that its dear life. Thing is that she has her degree, but now owns her own business, so she doesn't ever use it. lol. She got into business without ever going to business school or majoring in business.

 

I'm a business major and taking all the classes for that. I'm actually more interested in artistic things like filmmaking, writing, drawing, etc. That's where my passion lies in life. I was accepted to a writing program, some of my writing has been accepted by media print and websites. This happened back in my xian days, I contributed to christian media. But its hard doing that, so that's why I am going into business.

 

A girl's gotta have a roof over her head, eat, and well have health insurance and a car. I don't want to be a pauper. So we'll see, my mom tells me all the time, "well try out different things, see what you like but get your college degree." lol.

 

What's wrong with being poor? I was a pauper for over four years, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to be more inventive to get by. Now I can go wherever I want, because I'm not afraid of failure. I'm not saying your college will be a waste of time, but what I am saying is that people should think about why they're doing what they are doing.

 

My main motivation for going to college is to meet people, to learn how to take my time figuring out what I want out of life, to slow down a bit and try to appreciate the arts by offering my best effort at understanding them. I might not get everything I want, or I might change my mind about what that is, but I'm not worried about a degree. The degree just symbolizes what I already know about myself, and what I wish others would understand.

 

I want to be someone, but I could never condense my life experience into an "I am" or "I have" without betraying myself somehow. Anyway, I think it's great you know where your passion lies, but that doesn't mean that you have to abandon it altogether. I program, but don't really consider myself a programmer. My skills as a programmer are in the top 20%, and would be higher if I wasn't half-assed about it because I'm more interested in other things that are very difficult to implement. That's just what I do to pay the bills, and what time I have left over I want to dedicate to art. I don't know the wisdom of starting on a backup plan, but I hope it works.

[Knightley]

Well I like money, but who doesn't?

 

That's what the business thing is for me, a way for me to make money. No I'm not giving up my art either, I love art. I love being artistic and I want to do something with that though I'm not sure what. Its just more fun to me than my business major, that's for sure. When my friend read my tarot cards for me she told me that I should go into it. The artistic stuff. I'm still figuring it out.

[Kurari]

Well I like money, but who doesn't?

 

That's what the business thing is for me, a way for me to make money. No I'm not giving up my art either, I love art. I love being artistic and I want to do something with that though I'm not sure what. Its just more fun to me than my business major, that's for sure. When my friend read my tarot cards for me she told me that I should go into it. The artistic stuff. I'm still figuring it out.

 

I'm a professional part time freelance artist/writer and I don't have a degree. I made the extreme mistake of going to college to satisfy others because I had no idea what I wanted to go to school for and I was ashamed and afraid I would look like a bum if I dropped out. Though I finally did end up dropping out because I realized I was just kidding myself. It took me a very long time to realize this was what I wanted to do. I've never been one of those people that school was really appropriate for. I love to learn and I'm more educated than a lot of people, but the current school system and I have never gotten along.

 

I have a lot of friends right now with degrees that are useless. All that work for doing the same exact job I can get. It's really pretty sad. I also have several friends who have degrees and art and graphic design, and I'm the only one who makes a consistant partial living at it.

 

Also, I realized something about finding your "purpose" in life. While I was elated to finally realize what I wanted to dedicate my life to, I kind of wish it was doing something like picking stocks, fixing computers, or doing something a bit more mainstream and secure. Still, I can't beat the feeling that I'm doing what I want with my life, even if it is really hard. That's worth MUCH more to me than anything else. Money and health care comes and goes, but if I'm going to be spending 8 hours a day of my life working for the next 40 - 50+ years or so, I'm going to do something I enjoy. Otherwise, I've wasted my life and I can't tolerate that idea.

 

Life's too short to settle for "safe" bets.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Life's too short to settle for "safe" bets.

 

You've got that right...if only I could go back and do it all over again. I'd be writing or acting or something along those lines. I might be poor, but I'd be happy!

[Ouroboros]

Oh i just havent changed my name yet lol. I came here to convert you all mwhahahha. Nar...but yeh....i did...but also wanted 2 hear other people views on matters. Seems things changed

Didn't they warn you in Sunday school about us? We de-convert people left and right. We are Satan's spawn y'know, and immoral and all that blues.

[Knightley]

Well I like money, but who doesn't?

 

That's what the business thing is for me, a way for me to make money. No I'm not giving up my art either, I love art. I love being artistic and I want to do something with that though I'm not sure what. Its just more fun to me than my business major, that's for sure. When my friend read my tarot cards for me she told me that I should go into it. The artistic stuff. I'm still figuring it out.

 

I'm a professional part time freelance artist/writer and I don't have a degree. I made the extreme mistake of going to college to satisfy others because I had no idea what I wanted to go to school for and I was ashamed and afraid I would look like a bum if I dropped out. Though I finally did end up dropping out because I realized I was just kidding myself. It took me a very long time to realize this was what I wanted to do. I've never been one of those people that school was really appropriate for. I love to learn and I'm more educated than a lot of people, but the current school system and I have never gotten along.

 

I have a lot of friends right now with degrees that are useless. All that work for doing the same exact job I can get. It's really pretty sad. I also have several friends who have degrees and art and graphic design, and I'm the only one who makes a consistant partial living at it.

 

Also, I realized something about finding your "purpose" in life. While I was elated to finally realize what I wanted to dedicate my life to, I kind of wish it was doing something like picking stocks, fixing computers, or doing something a bit more mainstream and secure. Still, I can't beat the feeling that I'm doing what I want with my life, even if it is really hard. That's worth MUCH more to me than anything else. Money and health care comes and goes, but if I'm going to be spending 8 hours a day of my life working for the next 40 - 50+ years or so, I'm going to do something I enjoy. Otherwise, I've wasted my life and I can't tolerate that idea.

 

Life's too short to settle for "safe" bets.

 

 

 

People tell me I'm smart all the time and I am intelligent, and I do catch onto things very quickly. But like you the school system isn't for me. I like to learn, to be educated, don't get me wrong. I like doing my own thing. I love to learn but college is so boring. Right now I have a telemarketing job where I have to work in a cubicle, the benefits are great, I work for corporate america, but at the same time, it doesn't really make me happy. Its such a boring job, its so stressful, between that and college, its very boring. I feel like I'm giving my soul to the corporation and the college system.

 

 

 

Honestly I've seen what not having a college degree can do to people, its ugly. I'm scared about that. I want to have that safety net, that if anything happened, then I at least would have a boring job somewhere. There's never an excuse to not work, even if its at Mcdonalds, but I need a better option than that. Do I think that I can make it? Yes I can. I really believe that.

 

 

 

Thanks for your input, it gives me hope.

[Kurari]

Good. If you believe you can, that's what matters. College degrees can and do give people a lot of oppertunity and advancement in their chosen careers. They are very good things to have, but what I don't like this pervailing belief in society that you can't get anywhere in the world without one or that it's going to guarantee you success and a good job because that's a really dangerous idea to have these days. Build on your personal skills, THAT is what will carry you reliably through life, not the degree. That's a tool and nothing more.

 

And whatever you do, don't quit your dreams! I read somewhere once that Disney was rejected over 300 times before he got funding for Disneyland. Col. Sanders traveled across America and was rejected by over 1000 restaurants before someone bought his chicken recipe. That's a lot of rejection to have to withstand. I don't know if those are true stories, but the principle is. It's standard in the media business. I went through it too. I went through years and a lot of nights doubting myself, wondering if I was kidding myself, and feeling hopeless, and depressed. Then suddenly, BAM. I suddenly had an international fanbase, publishing companys inviting me to work for them, and individuals asking me so often for commissions that I have to turn away work. I still don't quite believe it sometimes, although I've been doing this for four years now. It's still kind of overwhelming at times, and now I wonder if I can keep up.

 

I'm at that awkward stage right now where I'm still setting up to leave the corperate world for good and start doing my craft full time. I'm scared and not ready to do that yet, but I will be soon, I think. Right now I do temp work and my career both part time. Neither are exactly consistant, but one falls through, the other catches me. It's still a good way to live and I enjoy what I do.

 

Trust me when I say this, it's not failure you have to worry about, it's quitting.

 

 

 

 

People tell me I'm smart all the time and I am intelligent, and I do catch onto things very quickly. But like you the school system isn't for me. I like to learn, to be educated, don't get me wrong. I like doing my own thing. I love to learn but college is so boring. Right now I have a telemarketing job where I have to work in a cubicle, the benefits are great, I work for corporate america, but at the same time, it doesn't really make me happy. Its such a boring job, its so stressful, between that and college, its very boring. I feel like I'm giving my soul to the corporation and the college system.

 

 

 

Honestly I've seen what not having a college degree can do to people, its ugly. I'm scared about that. I want to have that safety net, that if anything happened, then I at least would have a boring job somewhere. There's never an excuse to not work, even if its at Mcdonalds, but I need a better option than that. Do I think that I can make it? Yes I can. I really believe that.

 

 

 

Thanks for your input, it gives me hope.

[Knightley]

Good. If you believe you can, that's what matters. College degrees can and do give people a lot of oppertunity and advancement in their chosen careers. They are very good things to have, but what I don't like this pervailing belief in society that you can't get anywhere in the world without one or that it's going to guarantee you success and a good job because that's a really dangerous idea to have these days. Build on your personal skills, THAT is what will carry you reliably through life, not the degree. That's a tool and nothing more.

 

And whatever you do, don't quit your dreams! I read somewhere once that Disney was rejected over 300 times before he got funding for Disneyland. Col. Sanders traveled across America and was rejected by over 1000 restaurants before someone bought his chicken recipe. That's a lot of rejection to have to withstand. I don't know if those are true stories, but the principle is. It's standard in the media business. I went through it too. I went through years and a lot of nights doubting myself, wondering if I was kidding myself, and feeling hopeless, and depressed. Then suddenly, BAM. I suddenly had an international fanbase, publishing companys inviting me to work for them, and individuals asking me so often for commissions that I have to turn away work. I still don't quite believe it sometimes, although I've been doing this for four years now. It's still kind of overwhelming at times, and now I wonder if I can keep up.

 

I'm at that awkward stage right now where I'm still setting up to leave the corperate world for good and start doing my craft full time. I'm scared and not ready to do that yet, but I will be soon, I think. Right now I do temp work and my career both part time. Neither are exactly consistant, but one falls through, the other catches me. It's still a good way to live and I enjoy what I do.

 

Trust me when I say this, it's not failure you have to worry about, it's quitting.

 

 

 

Thanks for the pep talk Kurari. You rock girl. I find myself growing up a lot lately. I used to quit a lot of things. Now I don't find myself doing it so much, my telemarketing job sucks but I find myself dragging to work just because I really need the job. I don't rely so much on my parents anymore for money and other things, and I'm learning to be more and more independent. In short, I'm learning what it means to be an adult. Its scary but at the same time, its cool. I like it.

 

 

 

Your post gives me a lotta hope. It sounds like you're talented and doing well. Keep on rocking girl.

[narcissist]

If there was anything more idiotic, its the time that I took off from college trying to find out "god's will" for my life and trying to "hear" from xian god.

I did a similar thing. I took a break from Uni to go and live in a Xn community for the same purpose. It set my social life and my career back several years.

 

My whole christian life was spent trying to "hear from God", and struggle "to do his will", but after leading me up the garden path so many times, as the above experience shows, I finally learned to stop listening.

[Guest AutumnDaysGirl]

What's scary is there are lots of people who "hear" from god who then proceed to kill other people, including their own children. Andrea Yates, need I say more? How can any sane, reasonable person "know" with 100% accuracy that they've "heard" from god? I was getting some lab work done one day at a medical facility, and I was certain that I had "heard" from god to go over to the man who was sitting across from me and pray for him. I got up, walked over, sat down beside him, and told him that I felt "lead" by the "lord" to pray for him. He told me there wasn't anything he needed prayer for, politely refusing my offer. Thankfully, right after that the man was called back to the lab. At the time, I felt sorry for him that he was refusing prayer or denying there was anything in his life that he needed prayer for. Now, I see what an ass I made of myself to presume this man needed anything! And some of the downright dumb things xtians do just because they feel "lead" to do it. A few years ago, a xtian friend at my former church "knew" she was going to be healed of breast cancer for the second time. I'm pretty certain that's why she waited so long before going to the doctor for treatment. Sadly, she passed away leaving her husband, children, and grandchildren. My being wrong about "hearing" from god, thankfully, was just embarrassing for me. Unfortunately, many times when people mistakenly think they're hearing from god, there are far more tragic consequences for it.

[Guest gnosis.sophia]

a few ideas i have ...

 

I went to college, and graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree. All the while wanting to change it to something else, more music related. .. I didn't, and as a result I have some pretty decent credentials to get high paying jobs that are boring as hell. Which is good and bad.. I can do pretty much whatever I want, when I'm not working, but really, do I feel like it after 8 hrs a day times 5 days? It's very oppressive for me.

 

I would TOTALLY take more risks and chances especially in your youth. I'm nearing 30 now, and wishing I would have tried more things in college and elsewhere. Realize that it's never too late to push "RESTART". The uni provides many opportunities that you'll not be able to find elsewhere. Study Abroad for example, is something I would highly recommend.

 

Even if you're getting a degree to add to your safety net, be adventerous, and take chances..

 

... but don't feel old.. you just make me feel older damnit! i am about to push the restart button myself, i just need courage. I have accumulated too many material possessions, and some of them are rather difficult to offload / release, both literally, and mentally. I'm addicted to material comfort.

 

and by the way, fuck telemarketing. if you don't HAVE to do it, ie, you have no kids, or gangsters who will kill you if you don't have moeny, don't do it. get your education. many times you can get paid big bucks to just sit around and post on forums like this.. hehehe. the corporate system is not equal to the academic system, unless you are going to a "for profit" school. I suppose you are in school for business.. and I was in it for science.

 

well, i don't know that this was worthy of pressing "post".. but its too late to think about that.

 

oh yeah, a last word of advise, if you're going to a regional commuter campus, I highly suggest moving away and going to the main campus of a large university, provided you have the financial ability.

 

--- gnosis.loves.sophia

 

 

People tell me I'm smart all the time and I am intelligent, and I do catch onto things very quickly. But like you the school system isn't for me. I like to learn, to be educated, don't get me wrong. I like doing my own thing. I love to learn but college is so boring. Right now I have a telemarketing job where I have to work in a cubicle, the benefits are great, I work for corporate america, but at the same time, it doesn't really make me happy. Its such a boring job, its so stressful, between that and college, its very boring. I feel like I'm giving my soul to the corporation and the college system.

 

 

 

Honestly I've seen what not having a college degree can do to people, its ugly. I'm scared about that. I want to have that safety net, that if anything happened, then I at least would have a boring job somewhere. There's never an excuse to not work, even if its at Mcdonalds, but I need a better option than that. Do I think that I can make it? Yes I can. I really believe that.