Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Guest Sara

Help Please..........

Recommended Posts

Guest Sara

Can someone help me? I'm finding things really hard right now. I am going through a lot of turmoil about what I believe/don't believe.

 

I was brought up in a really fundamental Christian home where there were so many rules to follow and I couldn't be part of "the world". There wasn't much love, only judgement. I was never good enough, told that someone like me could never be a Christian because I was so awful and was always told I was going to hell no matter what I did. I listened to endless sermons about hell and "wailing and gnashing of teeth" and my parents used hell as a constant threat and means of control. My dad believed that because I was female I was not responsible for my own soul until I had a husband who would then be responsible so he always told me that he would go to hell because I was so bad. As you can imagine, it was an extremely unhappy childhood with lots of fear and control.

 

The problem is, I believed all this and believed in Christianity, I think it has always been out of fear of hell and a terrifying God about to strike me down if I do anything wrong. I ended up getting extremely depressed and suicidal, am ok now but still get depressed and have to go on medication from time to time.

 

I have been to different churches from time to time and have found them to be full of hypocrites who don't really care about other people - apart from the odd few. The last one I went to knew I was struggling with belief and needed support. I was involved with a housegroup which I found very helpful but they threw me out because I didn't feel able to go to the main church. How supportive. I have never been back to a church since and started to question everything I was ever taught.

 

So, my journey away from all this has begun but I'm struggling and wondered if anyone who has been through a similar experience could offer any advice.

 

I've realised that there are so many contradictions in Christianity, especially the concept of a "loving" God and eternal damnation. I cannot believe this and can't accept that a "loving" God would send most of humanity to hell.

 

Now, I'm not sure if I even believe in God - I swing between being atheist and being agnostic.

 

The main problem is that I feel trapped. I feel psychologically bound to it through fear - of hell, that if I completely reject it all God will strike me down and make awful things happen. Even though I don't even know if I believe in God, the fear is all still there. Fear of death and eternal damnation in hell.

I also feel really really lonely because all my friends are churcy people and I'm now married - my husband is too. I've told him and another friend about my struggles but I feel my friends are pitying me and looking at me as a "blacksheep" who has been led off the path. I just want to make a new life for myself and not feel that people are now thinking I'm doomed to hell and that I'm led astray. I want to meet people where I'm valued for me - a normal person regardless of beliefs.

 

I just feel confused and unsure where to turn to and how to get free of all this. Religon has been so damaging in my life. Does anyone have any advice, thanks, Sara

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Can someone help me? I'm finding things really hard right now. I am going through a lot of turmoil about what I believe/don't believe.

 

............snipped for brevity's sake..............

 

I just feel confused and unsure where to turn to and how to get free of all this. Religon has been so damaging in my life. Does anyone have any advice, thanks, Sara

Hello, Sara, and welcome! You are indeed now among friends. I feel safe in saying that most of us went through the pain and confusion and isolation your suffering now. In time, it will pass. But until then here's what I recommend to get you started.

 

Go to this thread ==> http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=7771. We posted many excellent resources for the struggling unbeliever.

 

Next, return here often to vent. Bitch, gripe and complain ALL YOU WANT with us! The worse thing that happens to new apostates is not having a safe outlet to explore their unbelief and question religion. Thinking and talking it all through with people who have "been there, done that" is a GREAT help.

 

I don't know what your personal life is like, nor how old you are, but IF you can seperate yourself from Christian family and friends, then I suggest you do so IMMEDIATELY. As you've noted already, these people are poison for you.

 

However, if you're young and still living at home, or worse still married to a Christian, then getting away is probably not possible for you. In which case, you will have to learn how to either hide your unbelief, grow a thick skin and/or learn how to handle yourself when confronted by Christian retards. (Which is why it's important for you to study and talk with us. You'll learn some good combat skills hanging around with these people, I guarantee it!)

 

That's all I have for now. I'll yeild the floor to the rest of the gang, as I'm certain they have plenty to say on the subject.

 

And once again, welcome to Ex-C! You've come to the right (best) place on the web! :woohoo:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds as if you've certainly been through a lot. But you have to realize that fundamentalism is a type of brainwashing. It's very hard to break, especially if you've been indoctrinated from the time you were born. Think of it as the rope around an elephant's leg. The elephant could easily break the rope if he tried, but he doesn't. Why? Because as a calf a chain was put around his leg, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't break it. Now he associates something being around his leg with being unable to go anywhere. You just need to realize that you are now stronger than the belief that bound you as a child and are free to make your own beliefs. If you don't feel you want to leave a god belief, there are plenty of people here who still believe in a god of some sort. If you feel that a total rejection of all gods is for you, then follow that path. Just be sure to be true to yourself, and don't talk yourself into believing something that you don't really want to believe.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sara.

 

Welcome to ex-christian.net and thanks for posting. :)

 

I'm going thru the same thing as you are right now. I'm really unsure what I believe/what to believe. It must have really hurt to be rejected by so many "believers" when jesus was the one who commanded us to love others as ourselves. I;m sorry for what you've went thru.

 

Do you have any friends who are not believers who you know you can confide in?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome to the boards!

 

Even coming to the point you have in your beliefs takes tremendous courage, and you should feel proud that you are beginning to think for yourself instead of blindly following what you were/are told.

 

Mr. Grinch gave excellent advice. I would just add that you don't have to make your mind up about what you're going to believe right away; and it's okay to change your beliefs as you grow.

 

If you can gain intellectual freedom, then that is the first step in escaping the "trap". Be gentle with yourself.

 

Again, welcome.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sara,

 

I wish I could give you a big hug. It's terrible the emotional abuse you have gone through. I wish I could give you easy answers but I'm afraid there are none. If the biggest issue is overcoming your fears of hell and judgement, the best advice any of us can give is for you to spend time studying the issue. This site has some great resources if you follow the links. With no family or friends to turn to in this situation hopefully you will find the friendships you need here or elsewhere to give you some support. I'm usually not at a loss for words like this so sorry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sara, I wish I could give you a big hug.

 

And I thought my life in Christianity was bad!

 

Well, you have come to the right place. Coming her will be a wonderful support system for you being that you are inundated with fundamentalist zealotry.

 

Christianity is so terrible because it does not allow one to truly be his or herself.

 

Just go at your own pace. Deconversion is a process, and you should nurture your wounded spirit during this tumultous time.

 

I have been chatting her for three months and I am still in the deconversion process. I still, sometimes, have the hell fears although I no longer believe in the judeo christian concept of hell...

 

There are great people here who will aid you. In fact, some people here still believe in god(just not Christ Insanity)--I am one--we've just kicked the dogma out our lives, and are better people for it.

 

Congrats, you have taken the first step to true enlightenment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome, Sara.

 

You've come to the right place. Here you'll find a lot of great people to talk to and hear you out.

 

It was a long process for me when I deconverted, as it has also been for many of the members here. But this is a great place for support.

 

I wish you the best of luck in the road ahead.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Sara,

 

Welcome aboard! You're story reminds of why I really dislike

christians. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you had to

go through.

 

We've all had that fear of gawd striking us down for this or that,

and especially for unbelief. Once you've left the faith for a while,

you realize that good and bad happen to everyone, and there's

often no real reason why they happen, they just do. With time,

you learn to live with that uncertainty. It beats learning to live

with some psychotic deity who's got this sadistic thing for smiting

people.

 

Find new friends if you can, and hang out here. This is your

refuge from a society full of hate-filled, bible-spewing fundies.

And best of luck on the journey that lies ahead of you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sara,

 

Welcome home!

The rest of us here have also been screwed up by Christianity and in many cases, like mine, also screwed up by our parents who did it all in the name of god.

 

I had to reach out for professional counselling. The damage is too profound, too awful. Help is absolutely called for. A friend said to me recently that, in the past, people had friends, nowadays, people hire a counsellor.

 

As fatalist as it may sound, most people are lonely, not only you and I, so we must try to cope one way or another.

 

If you can't afford counselling, I highly recommend the book Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell. It helped me very much in overcoming my fears.

 

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good to see you here Sara. This is one of the few places where you can ask the hard questions and get the straight answers. Most of us have gone through the process of removing the web of confusion and frustration that religion (esp. Christianity) spun in our lives. I didn't have as bad experience as you, but I hope you'll find someone on this board that have similar background and can lend you a hand to get through the new patch in your life. It isn't easy, but it's well worth it. So, welcome, and I'm looking forward to see you in the discussions. :wave:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you Sara. Religious abuse is an ugly, ugly, and especially cruel form of abuse and you by all means did not deserve to be treated like that. I had the same message made clear to me when I was younger that I should be ashamed of myself just for exisiting, so I know how much it hurts.

 

A book I can recommend isn't really one on religion though it makes reference to it's influences on society. It's called "Breaking Free from the Victim Trap" by Diane Zimberoff. It really helped me open my eyes to the unconscious manipulative games people play with each other in our society and how to avoid them.

 

You're taking a very strong step for yourself and showing everyone that you are worthy. I'm proud of you.

 

No matter where your faith ultimately goes, the fear is ultimately man-made, not god made. You are safe and free to make your own choices. Keep focusing on that and don't anybody tell you "this is how things are." It's your personal decision and yours alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sarah,

 

I know how you feel. I have been going through deconversion for about 4 months. Though I know what I no longer believe, I still have moments where I repent of it all. I too am married to a strong fundy believer. I love my wife and am devoted to her and my family (3 children)

 

You wrote>>The main problem is that I feel trapped. I feel psychologically bound to it through fear - of hell, that if I completely reject it all God will strike me down and make awful things happen. Even though I don't even know if I believe in God, the fear is all still there. Fear of death and eternal damnation in hell.

 

I fear the same things. Though I have moments where it seems so rediculous, even apart from how mean and unfair it is. Think about it, "Lake of Fire" This big freaking Lake where God or Angels are chucking non-believers into. Bird like creatures in Revelation with like hundreds of eyes under their wings. I could go on and on you get the point. I think even when I was evangelical Fundy, I would have been shocked to die and wake up and have it all have been true.

 

You what strenghtens the conviction for me that is false? (second only to the Bible itself) Look at Christians, look at the weird stuff they believe, think and do and act. I talked to a Fundy friend today and he is quite simply rediculous. These are the people of God? Seriously, these people are the people of God? They are required to believe that Noah's Ark and the flood literally happened. Are you kidding me? The tower of Babel for where language came from? Adam and Eve?

 

 

 

 

Can someone help me? I'm finding things really hard right now. I am going through a lot of turmoil about what I believe/don't believe.

 

I was brought up in a really fundamental Christian home where there were so many rules to follow and I couldn't be part of "the world". There wasn't much love, only judgement. I was never good enough, told that someone like me could never be a Christian because I was so awful and was always told I was going to hell no matter what I did. I listened to endless sermons about hell and "wailing and gnashing of teeth" and my parents used hell as a constant threat and means of control. My dad believed that because I was female I was not responsible for my own soul until I had a husband who would then be responsible so he always told me that he would go to hell because I was so bad. As you can imagine, it was an extremely unhappy childhood with lots of fear and control.

 

The problem is, I believed all this and believed in Christianity, I think it has always been out of fear of hell and a terrifying God about to strike me down if I do anything wrong. I ended up getting extremely depressed and suicidal, am ok now but still get depressed and have to go on medication from time to time.

 

I have been to different churches from time to time and have found them to be full of hypocrites who don't really care about other people - apart from the odd few. The last one I went to knew I was struggling with belief and needed support. I was involved with a housegroup which I found very helpful but they threw me out because I didn't feel able to go to the main church. How supportive. I have never been back to a church since and started to question everything I was ever taught.

 

So, my journey away from all this has begun but I'm struggling and wondered if anyone who has been through a similar experience could offer any advice.

 

I've realised that there are so many contradictions in Christianity, especially the concept of a "loving" God and eternal damnation. I cannot believe this and can't accept that a "loving" God would send most of humanity to hell.

 

Now, I'm not sure if I even believe in God - I swing between being atheist and being agnostic.

 

The main problem is that I feel trapped. I feel psychologically bound to it through fear - of hell, that if I completely reject it all God will strike me down and make awful things happen. Even though I don't even know if I believe in God, the fear is all still there. Fear of death and eternal damnation in hell.

I also feel really really lonely because all my friends are churcy people and I'm now married - my husband is too. I've told him and another friend about my struggles but I feel my friends are pitying me and looking at me as a "blacksheep" who has been led off the path. I just want to make a new life for myself and not feel that people are now thinking I'm doomed to hell and that I'm led astray. I want to meet people where I'm valued for me - a normal person regardless of beliefs.

 

I just feel confused and unsure where to turn to and how to get free of all this. Religon has been so damaging in my life. Does anyone have any advice, thanks, Sara

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sara,

 

Welcome home!

The rest of us here have also been screwed up by Christianity and in many cases, like mine, also screwed up by our parents who did it all in the name of god.

 

I had to reach out for professional counselling. The damage is too profound, too awful. Help is absolutely called for. A friend said to me recently that, in the past, people had friends, nowadays, people hire a counsellor.

 

As fatalist as it may sound, most people are lonely, not only you and I, so we must try to cope one way or another.

 

If you can't afford counselling, I highly recommend the book Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell. It helped me very much in overcoming my fears.

 

Good luck!

great idea-

sara-you didn't say whether your father emotionally abused you in any other way-but it sounds like he could have very well have.

I would remember also that just because someone is a family member, you don't have to feel required to love them-you can hate them if they deserve it.

I'm sorry for what you went through, you have a right to be mad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sure as heck am at a loss for advice at the moment. :shrug:

 

At this point, all I will say is for you to jump into ExC, get as much of this mess off of your chest as you can, hook up with a few good ExC buddies and start taking steps on your new path.

 

It's definitely rough at first.

Plenty of ups and downs.

It takes time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Sara

Hi Everyone,

 

Thanks for making me feel so welcome, I'm very glad I found this place - everyone seems very supportive of each other.

 

I will have a look at those links and have a good look at all the information on the site. It's really good to know that it's not just me that feels like this and everyone goes through all this when they leave Christianity. It's just so hard right now but others are at similar or other stages on the path away from religion and Christianity.

 

I guess some of it is about trying to build a life away from it all and make new friends. My husband is a Christian, though he has gone away from it for a while and has just started going to church again. It's strange because he is on a journey back to it and I'm on a journey away from it. He knows what I think though and is fine with it. We have a lot of mutual friends who are Christians so I still have a lot to do with Christians. I just hate the way they look at me sometimes as if I'm on the wrong path and have lost my way! It really annoys me!

 

Thanks for the suggestions for books, I will check them out sometime. Lorena, thanks for mentioning counselling - I've actually been thinking about that recently to try and get rid of this fear that is constantly there. I've had counselling before to try and get over all the crap from my upbringing because it was really damaging but maybe it would be worth going back. My family were very emotionally abusive and manipulative. I think that's the thing that is so hard to get over and explain to people because it's so subtle.

 

I think the one thing about Christianity that infuriates me the most is Christians claiming this "loving" God then going on to tell you that it's the ONLY way to God and if you don't accept it then you will burn in hell forever. LOVING?????? Where's the "free will" in that? I don't know why I believed it all for so long. Sometimes I also find myself praying and saying "sorry" to God because I feel so full of guilt and fear that I am rejecting Christianity and might go and burn in hell. I guess this just takes time to get over the fear.

 

Thanks so much everyone - it's good to know there are people out there who are experiencing/ have experienced similar things and I look forward to getting to know you better. Sara

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

The main problem is that I feel trapped. I feel psychologically bound to it through fear - of hell, that if I completely reject it all God will strike me down and make awful things happen. Even though I don't even know if I believe in God, the fear is all still there. Fear of death and eternal damnation in hell.

I also feel really really lonely

 

Sara,

 

It looks like I am in the right place. I am going through a very similar thing as well. I feel so confused also since coming to see the many contradictions in the bible, which I thought to be free of error. I went through a couple years of investigating the bible, even though i was already a heavy bible studier for nine years. And then between bible errors and finding out that churches are little more than corporations (as they are literally structured as 501C3 corporations under the US code), my whole belief structure has come crashing down. I get so scared sometimes too--like you said--of going to hell. My heart is just that I want to know the truth...what is real. I do not want to hurt anyone. I have a lot of love in my heart. But, same as you, I have a couple friends who see me as a lost sheep. In fact, I am seen as having a demon. This can get me so depressed because I am only seeking to research things responsibly. All the good I have done in Christian circles and now I supposedly have a demon. I get so overwhelmed at it all sometimes. I do still believe that there is a Creator, but it is not necessarily that which we find in the bible (or what I used to call the bible anyway). I will tell you that I have seen first hand how fear is used by religion to intimidate and control. And I thought ony the devil did that?! Anyway, having been around JW cult members and married into one (and then later got saved and now......I don't know what to call myself), I have seen this theme of mental control over and over. I thought truth was supposed to set me free. I just want to know what the truth is. I think sometimes i have a lot of anger too. Did anyone else feel very very angry when they found out that the bible wasn't perfect or whatever? I am angry because I didn't pursue avenues in life that I should have because we all figured that the tribulation was coming and the Lord would be returning so it seemed that my earthly pursuits would be a waste. Well, now I am paying the price for holding that belief for almost ten years. you live and learn I guess. :(

 

All I can say is hang in there and know that you are not alone! I am new to this process too and if I can help somehow, PM me or whatever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is so sad to be reminded of how many people have suffered through religion. Our lives should not be that way. Personally I was comforted by the opinions of some of the great minds who openly rejected religion. Bertrand Russell was pretty convincing. I also think it is reassuring to read the testimonies of former pastors like Dan Baker. For me, I just asked myself if this universe was made by a truly loving conscious being. I came up with only one possible answer. Hope you find peace soon.

 

Regards

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We have a lot of mutual friends who are Christians so I still have a lot to do with Christians. I just hate the way they look at me sometimes as if I'm on the wrong path and have lost my way! It really annoys me!

 

 

you get used to them looking at you that eventually. Me, I personally find those looks amusing now, since they are the ones who have really lost their way....eventually you'll be able to just move on. It takes a while but you'll get there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest OnTheFence

Hi Sara,

 

I completely recognize pretty much everything you said about your past. I have been through all the fearmongering, the 'control', the bouts of being suicidal, medication, etc.

 

I could list all of the negative crap about all this, and do a whole lot of (probably justified) finger-pointing, but I thought I'd try to just mention what I have come to believe is important and positive:

 

I was brought up in a really fundamental Christian home where there were so many rules to follow and I couldn't be part of "the world".

'The world' is a great place. Why would God create the world, then create churches to tell people to have nothing to do with it?

 

The problem is, I believed all this and believed in Christianity, I think it has always been out of fear of hell and a terrifying God about to strike me down if I do anything wrong. I ended up getting extremely depressed and suicidal, am ok now but still get depressed and have to go on medication from time to time.

I'm still amazed (dumb-founded) that a religious body can take a whole body of work (ie. the bible) and lose one fundamental concept: 'God is good'. That is, one is just another name for the other. I don't use 'god' when I think of things, but I still hold onto the fact that there is 'good' out there.

 

I've realised that there are so many contradictions in Christianity, especially the concept of a "loving" God and eternal damnation. I cannot believe this and can't accept that a "loving" God would send most of humanity to hell.

The essential problem, as far as I see it, is that 'people' represent a church, and those people can be completely flawed. I have gone through a long process of decoupling 'people' from an 'ideal'. Unfortunately, people can be lousy representatives of what they are supposed to believe and pivot around.

 

Now, I'm not sure if I even believe in God - I swing between being atheist and being agnostic.

 

The main problem is that I feel trapped. I feel psychologically bound to it through fear - of hell, that if I completely reject it all God will strike me down and make awful things happen.

I've also experienced those feelings. I actually had a Christian tell me that this is due to being handed a 'poor theology', and in that breath he was fully acknowledging that Very Poor Theologies exist in the Christian church. If all that survives in you, regarding your concept of 'God/good', is an easily angered god poised to strike you down at the first fuck-up, I'm afraid you've been handed a whole pile of horse-shit. Excuse my French. It's what's been handed to you, but, surprise surprise, you have the good-given right to Choose. You ARE a free being; you have Every right to deem something as 'crap', something you don't accept in your life, and incur Absolutely No Penalty for. In all of this you have probably lost sight of this simple fact/right.

 

I also feel really really lonely because all my friends are churcy people and I'm now married - my husband is too. I've told him and another friend about my struggles but I feel my friends are pitying me and looking at me as a "blacksheep" who has been led off the path. I just want to make a new life for myself and not feel that people are now thinking I'm doomed to hell and that I'm led astray. I want to meet people where I'm valued for me - a normal person regardless of beliefs.

I've found that rejecting the people (Christians) outright, for what they believe, is possibly just as bad as them rejecting and scorning you for what you believe. But, in the same breath, I found that I *had* to distance myself from a number of Christians that were still in my life, to find what it is I *really* believed. You *need* to make non-Christian friends. The few Christians I still hang out with also believe this--that the diversity is good, if not 'Vital'.

 

I really wish you the best of luck. Just don't throw out the concept of 'good', because everything associated with 'god' has been so damaging. I hope you can discover, completely anew, all the things out there that are Good--like Art, movies, books, expression, freedom. All of these things live just as easily in the non-Christian world.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought truth was supposed to set me free.

 

It does, but it can hurt an awful lot in the begining. I could have written your post myself years ago. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I remember when I still believed I was so thirsty for truth and knowledge yet terrified by what I was discovering. I couldn't understand why I was losing my faith when my intentions were only what I believed was an honerable and prayerful search for truth.

 

This too shall pass. I'm living proof and so are many others here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I just feel confused and unsure where to turn to and how to get free of all this. Religon has been so damaging in my life. Does anyone have any advice, thanks, Sara

 

Hey Sara, greetings from Germany ;)

 

Now, I've never been sucked into the totally braindead type of jebus cult myself, so I guess my advice wouldn't be of too much use... but one thing I can say with conviction: If there's any "right place" for you to come to, it's this one. If you can't find good advice here, I trust you won't find it anywhere. :3:

 

 

I think the one thing about Christianity that infuriates me the most is Christians claiming this "loving" God then going on to tell you that it's the ONLY way to God and if you don't accept it then you will burn in hell forever. LOVING?????? Where's the "free will" in that? I don't know why I believed it all for so long.

 

The image just below these words illustrates pretty well the true nature of the judeo-christian monster (well, to be fair, I know a number of people who don't assume the babble to be literally true... but I trust you know that I take aim at literalism :fdevil: ).

 

Oomph2.jpg

 

(It's an ad for one of the recent songs of an unusual band here in Germany... let's see, jebus calls his believers his flock of sheep. Riiiight. What do you keep sheep for? To fleece and eventually slaughter them. The reaper man keeping them together fits in nicely, no?)

 

Thanks so much everyone - it's good to know there are people out there who are experiencing/ have experienced similar things and I look forward to getting to know you better.

 

Yup, this place is amazing. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sara,

Nice to see you still kicking.

You raised a fundamental question...for fundamental Christianity. It is the question that keeps Christians from asking questions - period. Hell.

And you're right... If you don't deal with that question, it won't matter how good all the rationales and arguments you find on the remainder of your quest, you'll always have this nagging spur in the back of your mind... So, be good to yourself, and deal with that issue at the start.

Here's some help. According to the New Testament, Jesus said "You fathers, being evil, give good gifts to your kids... How much more will your Father in Heaven, give...to His children?" (a little paraphrasing, but it did not change the substance or meaning). All it would take, is to find one other "Dad" on this earthly crust, who would not send any-one of his children to an everlasting "Hell"...to entirely displace the question of "If I get every other question right...but am wrong about this...". This is only a tiny piece of the proof...from the Bible itself (and it isn't even the best)...that Hell is a fairy tale.

Good luck. You've come a long way, just to stop long enough to read anything on this site (takes courage).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sara,

 

Welcome to this site.

 

I was a fundie. I would have been one of those people that give you funny looks. In fact, I gave 'Christians' funny looks, if they didn't toe the line (as I believed it to be). You want fundie? I was fundie. Funny, I never really lived according to the Bible though, because I couldn't. It's impossible to, because the Bible says so many things about the same subjects, it's confusing.

 

So I relied on what the 'teachers' told me from Sunday to Sunday; from sermon to sermon, from song to song. What a confusing mess. In the end, I found the truth by reading the Bible for myself, forgetting all the books I read about the Bible, and all the opinions I'd heard. That's what led me, most of all, to finally become an 'ex-Christian'...reading it for myself.

 

I used to fear Hell. I didn't want to be one of the ones that 'the Lord' said to "Depart from me...etc...I never knew you". Oh, how I prayed and prayed.

 

Sara, Fundyism is a form of brainwashing, or maybe rather mind control, and the worst part is, most people that do that do you (they think), do it 'for your own good'.

 

Christianity, you might note, isn't the only religion, or 'faith', that does that to people.

 

In my time here on this site, as an ex-Christian, I have made, I think, some good posts. But I'm sure the mods would agree that I have also called other posters 'hacks', I have posted things while I was seeing red, I have (as much in public as one can do on the internet), made of fool of myself, and I am only now getting over what I call "residual fundie anger".

So feel free to be yourself. So many here have been where you are right now. I once even flamed an atheist because that particular poster (I felt) had no business posting here because 'he had never felt the woe' as it were.

 

And you know what? No one banned me, no one kicked me out, and everyone was more than patient with me. I guess what I'm saying is it's OK here, to believe, or not believe, or not be sure. I recently changed my Any Gods? thingie from the angry 'none that showed up' to 'agnostic'.

 

It's easy to say 'you've found the right place', but I'm sure if you stick around, you will find that you really have. Or at least a very good, understanding place.

 

I wish I had some great advice to give you, but I don't. I will say, that you aren't so much leaving religion as you are finding truth. After that, you will find yourself. Honest.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest thehardtruth

Can someone help me? I'm finding things really hard right now. I am going through a lot of turmoil about what I believe/don't believe.

 

I was brought up in a really fundamental Christian home where there were so many rules to follow and I couldn't be part of "the world". There wasn't much love, only judgement. I was never good enough, told that someone like me could never be a Christian because I was so awful and was always told I was going to hell no matter what I did. I listened to endless sermons about hell and "wailing and gnashing of teeth" and my parents used hell as a constant threat and means of control. My dad believed that because I was female I was not responsible for my own soul until I had a husband who would then be responsible so he always told me that he would go to hell because I was so bad. As you can imagine, it was an extremely unhappy childhood with lots of fear and control.

 

The problem is, I believed all this and believed in Christianity, I think it has always been out of fear of hell and a terrifying God about to strike me down if I do anything wrong. I ended up getting extremely depressed and suicidal, am ok now but still get depressed and have to go on medication from time to time.

 

I have been to different churches from time to time and have found them to be full of hypocrites who don't really care about other people - apart from the odd few. The last one I went to knew I was struggling with belief and needed support. I was involved with a housegroup which I found very helpful but they threw me out because I didn't feel able to go to the main church. How supportive. I have never been back to a church since and started to question everything I was ever taught.

 

So, my journey away from all this has begun but I'm struggling and wondered if anyone who has been through a similar experience could offer any advice.

 

I've realised that there are so many contradictions in Christianity, especially the concept of a "loving" God and eternal damnation. I cannot believe this and can't accept that a "loving" God would send most of humanity to hell.

 

Now, I'm not sure if I even believe in God - I swing between being atheist and being agnostic.

 

The main problem is that I feel trapped. I feel psychologically bound to it through fear - of hell, that if I completely reject it all God will strike me down and make awful things happen. Even though I don't even know if I believe in God, the fear is all still there. Fear of death and eternal damnation in hell.

I also feel really really lonely because all my friends are churcy people and I'm now married - my husband is too. I've told him and another friend about my struggles but I feel my friends are pitying me and looking at me as a "blacksheep" who has been led off the path. I just want to make a new life for myself and not feel that people are now thinking I'm doomed to hell and that I'm led astray. I want to meet people where I'm valued for me - a normal person regardless of beliefs.

 

I just feel confused and unsure where to turn to and how to get free of all this. Religon has been so damaging in my life. Does anyone have any advice, thanks, Sara

 

 

My advice is to continue on your path of using simple logic to deconstruct Christianity (and other monotheistic ideologies).

 

A loving person isn't capable of half the acts that the Christian God is apparently capable of. If there are people that are capable of rising above the Christian God's low standard of love then what does that say about the Christian God? And we're supposed to believe that the Christian God's brand of love is the perfect brand of love? Hardly.

 

And why be scared of hell? This world shows us that our experiences are defined by the people and things we choose to surround ourselves with. If being in hell is all about being apart from the judgmental, juvenile people that you're attempting to separate yourself from, then how bad could it be?

 

All evidence suggests that we are the creators of our experiences, that we are our own "Gods" and the universe merely provides us the raw materials (the energy) to manifest whatever experience we choose.

 

Remember that you are in control. You are not a slave to some phantom being that has it in for you if you don't do as you're told.

 

You must find your peace by looking inwards. Not outwards.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.