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Am I An Asshole?


Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

My Dad, who is a charasmatic fundy with a domineering wife, thought Father's Day was this weekend, so he furiously emailed my sister and me one afternoon to try and spark our interest in this wonderful day for him.

 

Without writing a soap opera, religion has always been more important to my Dad than family or friends or facts or anything else. So, in the flurry of emails was this gem.

 

Jeremy,

>

> I just sent this below to Bek, so I'm forwarding it

> to you to see what I said.

>

> I want you to trust that I am saying this next in

> love and nothing

> negative from my end at all.

>

> As I note below, in the past you have sometimes

> shown up at church on

> Father's Day to please me. Now, while I like the

> idea of you being

> in church, based on our conversations this past year

> or so, I really

> don't think you'd attend church for any reason.

> But, just in case

> you have the thought that it would please me for you

> to come that one

> day, please know I release you from any pressure you

> feel I've put on

> either of you about this. Based on what you've told

> me the way you

> feel and think, it wouldn't please me to have you

> come just to be

> annoyed or angered by what you hear.

>

> I'm fine if we get together later that day, or

> whatever.

>

> I love you.

>

> Dad

 

To which I hastily responded...

 

Hey Pops, good to hear from you. Just so you know, I will never again in my life (if I ever did) require you to make a statement "releasing" me from anything. Rest in the knowledge that I am comfortable not ever coming to church even though I know it is something which might afford you great delight. Pleasing you will never override my love of the truth, so I choose to do what I feel maintains my intellectual and spiritual integrity. The pomp and presumption of "releasing" your 33 year old son from something you know is ideologically offensive to him is difficult to understand, but I'm probably not trying hard enough, I admit.

 

I release you from releasing me. Feel better?

 

Love, j

 

Yeah, it seems harsh, but you don't know all the retarded shit I've been through. Still, I feel kinda bad.

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After reading your second paragraph (right before the message), and an assumption on my part that harsh words may have been spoken between you two on the subject of religion at some point (assumption made since you spared us the "soap opera"), I don't blame you at all.

You got my not-an-asshole vote on this one.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Ah parents are weird, I just try to ignore mine lol. ;)

 

 

I know mine so well it's frightening, and as the years go on I have less and less respect for my Dad and his brainless faith. I beg my sister to come out of the closet because I think it might make him use his brain for a minute. She keeps saying she'll do it soon.

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She keeps saying she'll do it soon.
Get with her and make some plans for father's day. :scratch:

 

Neither of you go to church, but both of you show up at the house afterward. :Hmm:

 

Sound like a plan?

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

After reading your second paragraph (right before the message), and an assumption on my part that harsh words may have been spoken between you two on the subject of religion at some point (assumption made since you spared us the "soap opera"), I don't blame you at all.

You got my not-an-asshole vote on this one.

 

Thanks Fwee, the soap opera is long and boring.

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After reading your second paragraph (right before the message), and an assumption on my part that harsh words may have been spoken between you two on the subject of religion at some point (assumption made since you spared us the "soap opera"), I don't blame you at all.

You got my not-an-asshole vote on this one.

Thanks Fwee, the soap opera is long and boring.
So my assumption was right?
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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
She keeps saying she'll do it soon.
Get with her and make some plans for father's day. :scratch:

 

Neither of you go to church, but both of you show up at the house afterward. :Hmm:

 

Sound like a plan?

 

I really don't think she's ready to tell, and maybe her marrying this redneck flannel wearing bartender (who she wouldn't give the time of day if the bartender were a dude, and she's had way more boyfriends than girlfriends) will make her ready. If so I say bring on gay marriage (I say that anyway). I also say "sweet" alot.

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I see. Jesus flies, but that kinda shit doesn't at daddy's house.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Yea, I give it a no.

 

 

Well, so do I. But when I consider that this is probably going to hurt his feelings and generally bewilder him, I feel bad. On the one hand I don't buy the "old dog, new trick" theory, but on the other he has been so goddamned resistant to logic it nearly made my eyes cross to the point of deforming my face, and I get by on my looks. Ladies, the email is a fake. Lay off.

 

I see. Jesus flies, but that kinda shit doesn't at daddy's house.

 

 

Daddy pretends to be relatively progressive when there are women around. But when they leave, usually to fix him some food, he chortles about their inadequecies. Well, I guess we all do that. Go Dad.

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what do you mean the email is a fake? then don't worry about it then.

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what do you mean the email is a fake? then don't worry about it then.
That breeze that just blew by and messed up your hair was Shiva's joke, in case you were wondering. :HaHa:
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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

what do you mean the email is a fake? then don't worry about it then.

 

 

I meant my email addy, not the email I posted. Call it a misinterpretation based on my assumption that every woman aware of my existence would be emailing me until they died of starvation and sleep depravation. My recent classes at the institute have enabled me to understand your ridiculous objection to this fact of the universe. Good day.

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what do you mean the email is a fake? then don't worry about it then.
That breeze that just blew by and messed up your hair was Shiva's joke, in case you were wondering. :HaHa:

 

 

 

oh, shiva you're weird dude ;)

 

 

 

:grin:

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what do you mean the email is a fake? then don't worry about it then.
That breeze that just blew by and messed up your hair was Shiva's joke, in case you were wondering. :HaHa:

oh, shiva you're weird dude ;)

 

 

 

:grin:

Umm...

 

No he isn't.

 

You still didn't get it. That's all.

 

The message in the opening post is NOT a fake message.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
what do you mean the email is a fake? then don't worry about it then.
That breeze that just blew by and messed up your hair was Shiva's joke, in case you were wondering. :HaHa:

 

 

 

oh, shiva you're weird dude ;)

 

 

 

:grin:

 

 

Nuh uh! I don't care how many of you say it I'm normal DAMNIT!

 

Aw, who am I kidding....

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My Dad, who is a charasmatic fundy with a domineering wife, thought Father's Day was this weekend, so he furiously emailed my sister and me one afternoon to try and spark our interest in this wonderful day for him.

 

Without writing a soap opera, religion has always been more important to my Dad than family or friends or facts or anything else. So, in the flurry of emails was this gem.

 

Jeremy,

>

> I just sent this below to Bek, so I'm forwarding it

> to you to see what I said.

>

> I want you to trust that I am saying this next in

> love and nothing

> negative from my end at all.

>

> As I note below, in the past you have sometimes

> shown up at church on

> Father's Day to please me. Now, while I like the

> idea of you being

> in church, based on our conversations this past year

> or so, I really

> don't think you'd attend church for any reason.

> But, just in case

> you have the thought that it would please me for you

> to come that one

> day, please know I release you from any pressure you

> feel I've put on

> either of you about this. Based on what you've told

> me the way you

> feel and think, it wouldn't please me to have you

> come just to be

> annoyed or angered by what you hear.

>

> I'm fine if we get together later that day, or

> whatever.

>

> I love you.

>

> Dad

 

To which I hastily responded...

 

Hey Pops, good to hear from you. Just so you know, I will never again in my life (if I ever did) require you to make a statement "releasing" me from anything. Rest in the knowledge that I am comfortable not ever coming to church even though I know it is something which might afford you great delight. Pleasing you will never override my love of the truth, so I choose to do what I feel maintains my intellectual and spiritual integrity. The pomp and presumption of "releasing" your 33 year old son from something you know is ideologically offensive to him is difficult to understand, but I'm probably not trying hard enough, I admit.

 

I release you from releasing me. Feel better?

 

Love, j

 

Yeah, it seems harsh, but you don't know all the retarded shit I've been through. Still, I feel kinda bad.

 

You're not an asshole. At least not in this case, I don't know about the rest of your life :scratch:

I don't know your father but I am a parent myself so this is what I think. I think he was just trying to let you know that he appreciates you're efforts of trying to please him by putting yourself though hell. However, he doesn't want to see you miserable. He wants to spend time with his son while his son is happy and not the other way around.

 

It's good that you replied the way you did. Sometimes us parents need to be reminded that you're not that cute little boy anymore. I know its going to be hard for me to let go when my kids grow up. Even so, I've had experiences like this with my mother. Its harder for parents to let go than it is for children to let go.

 

I haven't read all the posts in this thread so I'm wondering what his reply was back to you. This sounds like you two need to have a serious talk about what's ok and what isn't.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

My Dad, who is a charasmatic fundy with a domineering wife, thought Father's Day was this weekend, so he furiously emailed my sister and me one afternoon to try and spark our interest in this wonderful day for him.

 

Without writing a soap opera, religion has always been more important to my Dad than family or friends or facts or anything else. So, in the flurry of emails was this gem.

 

Jeremy,

>

> I just sent this below to Bek, so I'm forwarding it

> to you to see what I said.

>

> I want you to trust that I am saying this next in

> love and nothing

> negative from my end at all.

>

> As I note below, in the past you have sometimes

> shown up at church on

> Father's Day to please me. Now, while I like the

> idea of you being

> in church, based on our conversations this past year

> or so, I really

> don't think you'd attend church for any reason.

> But, just in case

> you have the thought that it would please me for you

> to come that one

> day, please know I release you from any pressure you

> feel I've put on

> either of you about this. Based on what you've told

> me the way you

> feel and think, it wouldn't please me to have you

> come just to be

> annoyed or angered by what you hear.

>

> I'm fine if we get together later that day, or

> whatever.

>

> I love you.

>

> Dad

 

To which I hastily responded...

 

Hey Pops, good to hear from you. Just so you know, I will never again in my life (if I ever did) require you to make a statement "releasing" me from anything. Rest in the knowledge that I am comfortable not ever coming to church even though I know it is something which might afford you great delight. Pleasing you will never override my love of the truth, so I choose to do what I feel maintains my intellectual and spiritual integrity. The pomp and presumption of "releasing" your 33 year old son from something you know is ideologically offensive to him is difficult to understand, but I'm probably not trying hard enough, I admit.

 

I release you from releasing me. Feel better?

 

Love, j

 

Yeah, it seems harsh, but you don't know all the retarded shit I've been through. Still, I feel kinda bad.

 

You're not an asshole. At least not in this case, I don't know about the rest of your life :scratch:

I don't know your father but I am a parent myself so this is what I think. I think he was just trying to let you know that he appreciates you're efforts of trying to please him by putting yourself though hell. However, he doesn't want to see you miserable. He wants to spend time with his son while his son is happy and not the other way around.

 

It's good that you replied the way you did. Sometimes us parents need to be reminded that you're not that cute little boy anymore. I know its going to be hard for me to let go when my kids grow up. Even so, I've had experiences like this with my mother. Its harder for parents to let go than it is for children to let go.

 

I haven't read all the posts in this thread so I'm wondering what his reply was back to you. This sounds like you two need to have a serious talk about what's ok and what isn't.

 

 

My Dad annointed me with olive oil on my forehead when i was in my late teens becuse that's what he thought had been missing in my life. A fucking meaningless oil drizzle. To this day, even though I see him be loving to his step-grandchildren, it's hard not to realise how he wasn't there for us, and how that made us who we are today. Maybe he sees it. He gets less and less fundy the closer to death he gets.

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I don't know what to say to a letter like that.

 

My family dynamic isn't like that. My mom will e-mail me but my dad says less than nothing. Even when I call he pretty much drops me after a few minutes or hands me off to someone else. Last thing he said to me was how he was getting tired of seeing my truck on the property and that he was going to load it up with the tractor and throw it away.

 

He could probably go 10 years without calling anyone. He didn't even call when he found out my brother was being sued for several hundred thousand dollars. In fact, I wouldn't be suprised if I was on my deathbed and he didn't show up to wish me well.

 

So to say a letter like that from your dad is an alien concept to me would be an understatement. I personally would be glad to receive anything from my father that at least acknowledges my existence.

 

On the other hand, I don't see anything wrong with telling him the way you see things. It's not because of his church or beliefs that he has good memories of father's day - it's because of his family and his friends. I wish he could understand that.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

I don't know what to say to a letter like that.

 

My family dynamic isn't like that. My mom will e-mail me but my dad says less than nothing. Even when I call he pretty much drops me after a few minutes or hands me off to someone else. Last thing he said to me was how he was getting tired of seeing my truck on the property and that he was going to load it up with the tractor and throw it away.

 

He could probably go 10 years without calling anyone. He didn't even call when he found out my brother was being sued for several hundred thousand dollars. In fact, I wouldn't be suprised if I was on my deathbed and he didn't show up to wish me well.

 

So to say a letter like that from your dad is an alien concept to me would be an understatement. I personally would be glad to receive anything from my father that at least acknowledges my existence.

 

On the other hand, I don't see anything wrong with telling him the way you see things. It's not because of his church or beliefs that he has good memories of father's day - it's because of his family and his friends. I wish he could understand that.

 

 

Sorry jj. I know things could be worse for me. I'm a bit of a selfish prick if you hadn't noticed. Thanks for your post. :thanks:

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Sorry jj. I know things could be worse for me. I'm a bit of a selfish prick if you hadn't noticed. Thanks for your post. :thanks:

 

Not at all. I can agree with you that it's frustrating watching people do that like they've got their head on backwards. I don't think you're an asshole, or even selfish.

 

It's very fucking frustrating seeing people every day refusing to acknowledge where their good feelings are coming from and then assuming that other people, if only they shared their "vision", could somehow amplify the moment. That whole "strings attached" perception really cheapens an otherwise good idea or moment.

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Hell, I know that I'd be floored if my dad so much as sent me a morse code message saying, "I love you.". :shrug:

 

He's getting to be a fundy too. But he didn't start until much later in life.

 

 

Long, loooooong after showing us how to make paper airplanes out of the Sunday bulletin during mass. :Wendywhatever:

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