Just Broke The News

[AtheistMommy]

My fiancee and I are atheist and expecting a son very soon! We were very sure we didn't want him to be indoctrinated by our (almost completely) religious family. I have some charasmatic folk in my family, too, along with fundamentalist Baptists (which are almost just as bad because they cling so tightly to their brainwashed doctrine). We decided to write all of our closest family members a letter (3 pages) about how we are going to raise our son. It was mostly about our non-religion and the values we uphold as atheists. Some people think that one you've gone out of xianity you will act crazy and have no morals and values- this is simply untrue for most people. So we tried to let them know what we think is important. We told them how we intended to raise our son as far as discipline, nutrition, and religion. We told them that our son would be able to question religion openly and would know about it, but we aren't going to talk about it at too much length involuntarily until he is of an age where he can grasp abstract ideas (around 10-12, according to developmental psychology). We asked them to refrain from telling him Jesus loves him and all that stuff, not take him to church, and not to buy him religious gifts. We have already purchased some books about tales and stories from other relgions so that we can read those to him, along with some OT Bible stories, so he understands how they are all stories that different people have to explain the world around them. Of course the family didn't take it very well. My parents already knew, so they are okay, but my fiancee's parents said it was like being told your son has cancer and you have the cure but you can't give it to him. Yeah. Stupid. However, even though they disagree and think what we are doing isn't good, they've told us they will respect our choices on the matter. I don't know if explaining this to your mother would work or if she would just do it anyway. However, I would strongly caution you that they could possibly turn your son against you (probably unintentionally) or use him to get to you. Therefore, you're son's protection and the protection of your relationship with him is of utmost importance. If you have to move to keep him from being inundated with all this nonsense, do it. I know it would be hard to move away from them and see them less, but if it is for the good of you and your son it would be worth it, in my opinion. I think a child needs a secure environment in which to grow. If your grandparents are breathing one thing down his throat and you come back and try to say something different, he will become very confused. He is not yet at an age where he can grasp the abstract concepts they preach about in those churches much less god himself.

 

That's all I can think of. I hope some of it helps. I think it's great you told your mom. It is REALLY hard. I know it was for my fiancee and somewhat for me (I had been talking about it all along, though, so it wasn't a huge shock for my folks). I hope things go well for you and that you can make a decision that is best for you and your son.

 

Hey Young Atheist Mommy,

 

I'm not sure what books you've been reading about child development but my son is 4 and he's already questioning religion. Of course, this same boy started talking when he was just six months old. Seriously.

 

My advice to the person who posted this thread, your mom's not going to give up or in that easy. This isn't what she wanted for you. You're going to have to stand up for what you don't believe in and this means standing up to those whom you hold dear to your heart. Can you do that? Seriously, can you? Because it's not easy.

 

If you don't do this, expect more "you're going to hell" "I'm saving your soul" crap from your mother and a few other crazy religious family members.

 

My husband (reverend Atheistar) had major problems with his mother. And years later after we married they did try a few things after we had the baby. She actually bought him a religious book. Needless to say, it didn't go over very well. Point is, we stood our ground (no matter how hard it was) and they figured it out ( we aren't going to change our ways to please them).

 

When you're faced with a bully, the best thing you can do is stand up and fight. You earn respect.

 

I also want to say this, if your mother can't accept you the way you are then she's not a very loving mother. I'd love my son no matter what he did or said or whatever, simply because he like ripping a big chunk of me out. My son is my heart, without him I cannot go on.