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The Ascension Of Jesus


Mythra
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Okay now. Let me get this straight. The risen Jesus had a body. He wasn't just some kind of wispy spirit dude. He ate fish. He had people touch him to feel that he was real.

 

Forward the picture to the ascension. Bunch of people standing around, and up goes Jesus headed to the top floor. Only without an elevator. Not just a ghost kinda Jesus, but a real flesh and blood Jesus. Just kind of floated up into the air.

 

Now, I can understand a primitive, superstitious people buying this. Jesus was headed just above the firmament, the ceiling of the world. Going straight up to heaven wherein God resides.

 

But, we are a little more educated now. We've been up there, and there's no ceiling. Where in the world (or universe) do christians think Jesus floated up to? Maybe he's still floating through space headed to another planet somewhere.

 

Gotta say, sometimes I'm embarrassed that I bought off on this preposterous and stupid religion.

 

 

post-389-1150482927_thumb.jpg

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But, we are a little more educated now. We've been up there, and there's no ceiling. Where in the world (or universe) do christians think Jesus floated up to? Maybe he's still floating through space headed to another planet somewhere.

 

Gotta say, sometimes I'm embarrassed that I bought off on this preposterous and stupid religion.

 

 

ascension.gif

He's up there alrighty, but not like they presumed. Fast forward to today and we have Astronaut Jesus! :lmao:

 

 

 

 

 

And in glow in the dark nontheless!

 

 

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:lmao:

 

Good one, Antlerman! Not sure why Astronaut Jeebus is a ghoulish green, though....

looks like he got gene-spliced with the Incredible Hulk!

 

But, we are a little more educated now. We've been up there, and there's no ceiling. Where in the world (or universe) do christians think Jesus floated up to? Maybe he's still floating through space headed to another planet somewhere.

 

post-389-1150482927_thumb.jpg

 

 

If we're lucky, he headed straight up into outer space, and is now a large

chunk of ice circling the sun.

 

:HaHa:

 

 

Gotta say, sometimes I'm embarrassed that I bought off on this preposterous and stupid religion.

 

 

You're not the only one, Mythra, you're not the only one.....

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Mythra, you really are my spiritual twin brother! For the past two weeks I've been thinking about this VERY TOPIC, but I never posted anything. (I suppose I'm just tired of beating the dead horse. Xians never listen to reason, and the rest of you are in full agreement. So what's the point?)

 

But anyway...the fact that we've not only been above the clouds and have YET to bump into "God's Throne" (toilet?), but we've also been to the moon, Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn and beyond the edges of our solar system WITHOUT ONCE encountering god, you'd think that people would get the message...

 

THERE IS NO FUCKING GOD!!!!

 

I mean, shit. According to the Babble, "god" got pissed at mankind for building the Tower of Babel. Allegedly because man would then encounter heaven and see god taking a dump on his throne. But here we are, thousands of years later, not only with skyscrapers galore, but space travel, and "god" is not only silent, but notoriously MISSING IN ACTION.

 

How many clear fucking hints do religious people need, for fuck's sake? :vent:

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Tower of Babel. Huh. A story on its own level of preposterousness. Taken purely metaphorically, it's quite a beautiful fairy tale, a genuine reminder of the folly of arrogance and pride. However, I would love to smack anyone who could possibly, for a second, interpret it as literal truth. Wanna go to heaven, see god? Climb a mountain. They were far taller than anything the architecture of the day could come up with.

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AND ANOTHER THING..

 

If the book of Matthew was written by Matthew, the disciple of Jesus - he was there to witness Jesus floating up into the air waving goodbye to all his friends.

 

Funny he didn't mention it in his "eyewitness account". Had to have been a memorable time well worthy of at least a footnote.

 

I'm beginning to wonder if Matthew actually wrote that book.

 

:Hmm:

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AND ANOTHER THING..

 

If the book of Matthew was written by Matthew, the disciple of Jesus - he was there to witness Jesus floating up into the air waving goodbye to all his friends.

 

Funny he didn't mention it in his "eyewitness account". Had to have been a memorable time well worthy of at least a footnote.

 

I'm beginning to wonder if Matthew actually wrote that book.

 

:Hmm:

Seriously are the disciples even real people? Maybe paul was but I'm not sure about the apostles. They seem like they are there merely to be seen as a symbol. I'm there are 12 of them, there are also 12 tribes and also 12 signs of the zodiac (since we know the babble likes to steal other religions stuff). Seems like the babble just made 12 disciples to fit past symbols in the OT. All the characters and people in the picture just seem like fiction. Don't care if I'm wrong just here to learn anyway

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Seriously are the disciples even real people? Maybe paul was but I'm not sure about the apostles. They seem like they are there merely to be seen as a symbol. I'm there are 12 of them, there are also 12 tribes and also 12 signs of the zodiac (since we know the babble likes to steal other religions stuff). Seems like the babble just made 12 disciples to fit past symbols in the OT. All the characters and people in the picture just seem like fiction. Don't care if I'm wrong just here to learn anyway

 

Let's see. No two gospels can agree on the same names for the twelve. Paul talks about Jesus revealing himself (after the resurrection) to the 12 - after Judas was supposedly dead.

 

Jesus himself says that the 12 will be seated in heaven, judging the 12 tribes of Israel...

JUDAS MADE IT TO HEAVEN??

 

The story's full of big, gaping holes. If Jesus is not historical - and I firmly believe he was not - then I'm thinking that the 12 disciples are just as legendary as the rest of the story.

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