Rosa Mystica Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 But regardless, I don't think you should let fear of your parents dictate where you live. Doors have locks and phone numbers can be changed. They loom large in your mind because of all the abuse they did to you as a child, but you will gradually come to see them as just two people, no more powerful than the thousands of other people in your city. I know. I just bought a house recently, and I don't wish to give it up anytime soon. Also, I live in a neighbourhood where many of the residents are homosexuals/homosexual supporters (as evidenced by the many rainbow flags I see on the houses near mine). Maybe that'll keep 'em away, who knows. I know they're just two people. Intellectually, that is. But emotionally, they still seem very powerful at times. And like someone here said, if my dad shows up on my doorstep unnanounced the police *will* be called. I was afraid of calling the cops on my father for many years, but I think I could go through with it now. I have no ill-feeling whatsoever about him rotting away in a jail cell for assault/threats of me. Just a little off topic: the last death threat I heard him make was five years ago (against my mother). Is my fear still warranted despite the passing of five years? I think I know the answer, but just wanted to make sure. Thank you all so much for standing by me. Rosa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 It sounds like you are doing the right thing and taking time to think things through. I know how annoying it is when your concious is going, "This is rediculous! There is nothing to be afraid of!" and your subconcious is still having screaming fits. Keep going to your counseller and take the time to work it out. You're not going to be much use fighting your parents if you are crippled by fear. You should never put your life on hold for them or for your fear. Go, get married however you want when you are ready, and screw everyone else no matter how big a fit they pitch. And better to overestimate than underestimate. If you think your father is really capable of violence, then be prepared, but don't go overboard. Keep your head and keep thinking, and you should be ok. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I know. I just bought a house recently, and I don't wish to give it up anytime soon. Also, I live in a neighbourhood where many of the residents are homosexuals/homosexual supporters (as evidenced by the many rainbow flags I see on the houses near mine). Maybe that'll keep 'em away, who knows. That sounds like a cool neighborhood! I'd love to live someplace where I could know for sure that all my neighbors weren't religious fundies. Perhaps getting to know your neigbors might lead to another form of support for you. For example, they could keep an eye on your house when you were away, or just to let you know if your parents were there when you weren't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 That sounds like a cool neighborhood! I'd love to live someplace where I could know for sure that all my neighbors weren't religious fundies. Perhaps getting to know your neigbors might lead to another form of support for you. For example, they could keep an eye on your house when you were away, or just to let you know if your parents were there when you weren't. Certainly, I've considered that idea. The gay couple across the lane from me has a big dog. She's a friendly canine, but maybe that'll change if my dad tries to intrude. Rosa, Your father is a bully. The thing that you must do, only if he confrots you is to stand up to him. Tell both parents that if they don't like your BF, tell them that after you get married, you will never allow them to see any children you have and look them sternly in the eye when you say it. Like you mean it. My mother does not like my wife. She has tried to brake us up since we were engaged. We have been married almost 16 years. After awhile, I had to get in the face of my own mother, and scream at her so loudly, she was shaking when I got done. She had been rude to my wife to the point of making her cry. I wanted her to know what humiliation felt like. It worked. Don't get me wrong, she still does not like her, but she is not outwardly rude to her anymore. I told my mother, if she ever wanted to see her grand daughter again, she would take alittle more tolerant attitude or I would put a court order against her seeing the kid. Bullies need to be stood up to. If your dad threatens to beat up your boy friend. Tell him, you will no longer consider him your father and tell him loudly and sternly. You just tell him to forget he has a daughter. He probably will not back down immediately but the thought of not seeing grandkids or even you again will work on him. I guarantee it! Speaking of grandchildren, I'd like to keep any future child of mine as far away from them as possible. My folks will try to brainwash them with Catholic cultist ideas if given a chance. Don't want my kids being taught that that system of atrocity is correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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