What Am I'm Doing Wrong, Existing?

[nirrti]

What am I'm doing wrong? Why is it that even the teenagers at work (Taco Hell....er, um....Bell)get treated with respect but I, at 31 years old, can't?

 

Why is it they give me contradictory commands such as telling me to stay up front so I can be there to greet the customer yet tell me I must go clean up the restrooms or go to the back and bring something I really need...which will take me away from my register...

 

....and, god forbid, I'm away from my register getting said item or cleaning up, a customer comes...

 

...and I'm being accused of being neglectful since I wasn't at the register.....

 

..even when they just told me to go to the back or clean up.......or whatever countless duties take me somewhere else in the store?

 

Do they think I'm a Catholic saint? One of the requirments of becoming a Catholic saint is being seen miraculously several places at once.

 

And what the heck are teenage coworkers (not even managers) doing ordering (not asking, but ordering) me around like I'm their age? I'm a woman, not a child. I deserve to be treated the same, even though I have mild autism. And I didn't go through all I have these past few years with the lay-offs, job closures and the hospitalization for depression just to end up back at square one.....at the same job and same situation I was in when I was in college.

 

I know I must do whatever to pay the bills until I get something else more fitting my education....but fast food? I don't have much...and I don't want to lose the one thing I have, my dignity.

[Dianka]

I'm definitely feeling your pain with that bullshit. You can't do anything right when you work for a shitty mega-corporation. I hope things turn around for you. I know how hard it is to find a job lately. I've had to settle for way less, and kiss most of my dignity and respect goodbye for this shitty, poverty-wage, piece of shit job. EEERRRGGHHH!! Just hang in there, I'll commit to doing the same.

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

No offense man, but the lack of respect could be because of the fact that you are 31 and working for Taco Bell in a position for which 15 yrs don't respect you enough to not give you orders. If you're a 31 yr old Taco Bell cashier, it's hard to imagine any professional situation in which others will give you respect, unless you're the best damned fast food cashier the world has ever seen, and even then you only really deserve 8 dollars an hour and no benefits. Unless you're the manager, I would suggest a career change if respect is something you care about. Again, I'm not trying to cut you down. This is just how the world works.

[Lizard]

How long have you been there? Its a tactic of theirs to either get you to quit or give them a reason to fire you.

 

My daughter worked there 4 years, from 16 to 20..Promises of promotion throughout that time, and she even worked with her right arm in a cast up to 8 1/2 mos. pregnant.

 

Then, when it was time for the promised promotion..they did EXACTLY the same thing they are doing to you. When she snapped, and told them she couldn't stock, wash dishes and cashier all at the same time, they fired her.

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

Places like Taco Bell couldn't care less about you. You are surrounded by teenagers because fast food worker is often the only work a teenager can get, and if you are a company who is used to an immature transitory workforce, there isn't much room for adult human dignity. Move on as soon as you can.

[Dianka]

It's also incredibly hard to find a job right now. After looking for an ok job for almost 6 months, I had to settle for the piece of shit job I have now. I'm assuming that Nirrti is in a similar situatin, and when the job market (not to mention personal liabilities) allows her to leave that shit-hole she will.

[Taphophilia]

Why are you listening to them when they are not even above you? Why aren't you the one telling them what to do? One of the things I have learned in life, is that sometimes it's better to be thought of as a bitch than to try to be nice and let people walk all over you.

 

Taph

[Dianka]

I think I should sue them for making me chomp into a hunk of abused cow after I told them I wanted a ~~**REFRIED BEAN BURRITO**~~ Hey man, the Hindus did it to McDonalds. I can do it too.

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

We should all sue them for not telling us that their bean burritos contain about 40 grams of saturated animal fat. You're better off with a hamburger.

[Dianka]

We should all sue them for not telling us that their bean burritos contain about 40 grams of saturated animal fat. You're better off with a hamburger.

 

You know, I would sue those bitches. However, they do make a mean red rice. It's perfect for those times when you've had took much to smoke

[Lizard]

We should all sue them for not telling us that their bean burritos contain about 40 grams of saturated animal fat. You're better off with a hamburger.

They do? Never knew that, but I don't eat there. I do know they use instant refried beans. (think-instant mash potatoes)

 

I probably would sue if I asked for a nonbeef or nonpork item and still got one.

[Lycorth]

I agree with Shiva and Taph. Remind the kiddies they are still children and you don't take orders from kids. The more you let them step all over you, the more they will do it.

 

Granted, I may not be the best person for advice, as I've a history of telling people off on the clock. Colorful language, interesting gestures, lots of just walking off without a by-your-leave. If you want polite solutions, I will just keep mum, since I don't lean towards them.

 

But if you want my advice, write up a resume, send it to as many temp agencies as are within reasonable driving range, and when they get a suitable job lead for you, go to work and tell the little shits to go fuck themselves and walk away.

 

Feel free to quote me, there

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

We should all sue them for not telling us that their bean burritos contain about 40 grams of saturated animal fat. You're better off with a hamburger.

They do? Never knew that, but I don't eat there. I do know they use instant refried beans. (think-instant mash potatoes)

 

I probably would sue if I asked for a nonbeef or nonpork item and still got one.

 

 

They add lard to their instant refied beans.

[nirrti]

Why are you listening to them when they are not even above you? Why aren't you the one telling them what to do?

 

Taph

 

I have mild autism (Asperger's syndrome), which is when the brain is differently wired, making it very hard to sort out social situations, understand what someone's saying at times (since my brain sometimes makes spoken language sound like, "Waa, waa, waah!) and think of the right words to say verbally.

 

I'm articulate online because written communication is so much easier (hence the reason I studied print journalism rather than broadcast). But when I have to talk, especially when I'm under emotional duress, it's as if my mind goes blank and I don't know how to respond. Since social skills are impaired, I have trouble knowing when someone's saying I'm doing something incorrect because it's genually wrong....or if they're nitpicking and trying to bully.

 

I've always made due and tried to compensate for what I didn't understand but it seems as I get older, it's becoming more frustrating.

 

I always knew I was different but didn't know why until a couple of years ago. This is really the crux of the problem. Since I find it hard to discern if the situation warrents talking back is okay or something that will cost me my job, I don't, for fear of "getting it wrong".

[Dianka]

(think-instant mash potatoes)

 

I love instant mashed potatoes

 

 

I wish they made instant sweet mashed potatoes. <I should make those)

 

Nah, I'm too frackin lazy.

 

As far as Taco Bell, I wouldn't suggest going there if a person is not a meat-eater. That's why I've stopped. Fuck those fuckin lard-peddling fucks!

 

Nirrti,

 

Why don't you try a desk job? maybe like online customer service or something like that.

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

Why are you listening to them when they are not even above you? Why aren't you the one telling them what to do?

 

Taph

 

I have mild autism (Asperger's syndrome), which is when the brain is differently wired, making it very hard to sort out social situations, understand what someone's saying at times (since my brain sometimes makes spoken language sound like, "Waa, waa, waah!) and think of the right words to say verbally.

 

I'm articulate online because written communication is so much easier (hence the reason I studied print journalism rather than broadcast). But when I have to talk, especially when I'm under emotional duress, it's as if my mind goes blank and I don't know how to respond. Since social skills are impaired, I have trouble knowing when someone's saying I'm doing something incorrect because it's genually wrong....or if they're nitpicking and trying to bully.

 

I've always made due and tried to compensate for what I didn't understand but it seems as I get older, it's becoming more frustrating.

 

I always knew I was different but didn't know why until a couple of years ago. This is really the crux of the problem. Since I find it hard to discern if the situation warrents talking back is okay or something that will cost me my job, I don't, for fear of "getting it wrong".

 

Seriously, Taco Bell or any other fast food service is not for you. There are plenty of jobs where your strengths could be maximaized and your weaknesses marginalised. No matter what your situation, Taco Bell is a stop gap, not a permanent or even a tolerable solution to your professional woes. They will just chew you up and spit you out.

 

(think-instant mash potatoes)

 

I love instant mashed potatoes

 

 

I wish they made instant sweet mashed potatoes. <I should make those)

 

Nah, I'm too frackin lazy.

 

As far as Taco Bell, I wouldn't suggest going there if a person is not a meat-eater. That's why I've stopped. Fuck those fuckin lard-peddling fucks!

 

Nirrti,

 

Why don't you try a desk job? maybe like online customer service or something like that.

 

Honestly, receptionist at the local business complex or law firm might be the ticket for you, in the interrim until you find your dream job. If nothing else, it's a rung on the professional ladder that inherently carries with it more respect than is afforded to fast food meat robots (not that that's what you are, you are obviously underutilised).

[nirrti]

You're right. I'm extremely underutilized. After searching so long for something....anything better than Taco Hell, I turned up nothing and resorted to going back to have some money coming in, something I've tried my hardest never to do since I left six years ago the last time.

 

I guess having to go back, even temporarily, made me question whether I was competent enough to even hold down a "real" job. I felt if I had to sink this low for any reason, what good was I? The fact this is bothering me so much probably means my self esteem hasn't sunk too low (though I don't think it could go much lower).

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

You're right. I'm extremely underutilized. After searching so long for something....anything better than Taco Hell, I turned up nothing and resorted to going back to have some money coming in, something I've tried my hardest never to do since I left six years ago the last time.

 

I guess having to go back, even temporarily, made me question whether I was competent enough to even hold down a "real" job. I felt if I had to sink this low for any reason, what good was I? The fact this is bothering me so much probably means my self esteem hasn't sunk too low (though I don't think it could go much lower).

 

 

Your bad half is bullshitting you. Just from your posts I know you are capable of so much more than professional burrito assembly. If you can somehow convince yourself that this is true, and it is, then you'll be on the road to recovery. Capitolism is a fucking harsh jungle, but there is always room for someone like you somewhere in the middle class workforce. You just have to know that you're better than you've previously given yourself credit for. Weaknesses be damned, you have strengths. Work them out and get buffer than a muhfugga. You don't need kids giving you shit. We all hoped to leave that behind after highschool.

[godlessgrrl]

Aw, man, nirrti, that sucks.

 

Bottom-of-the-barrel jobs like that, man - they'll kill your soul. People treat minimum wage workers like shit, because they think that if you get paid crap, you're worth crap. Which is bullshit, but well - people kind of suck ass overall.

 

Get out of there as soon as you can. I'm with Shiva, if you have Asperger's I'd guess that fast food really isn't the best for you. Maybe data entry, if you have to start at rock bottom. If there are temp agencies in the area that might be a place to start - I sure found temp agencies very useful when in limbo times. A lot of the time you can just be there filing stuff and not even have to talk to anybody.

 

I dunno. Hang in there. You don't have to stay there forever and things can only get better.

[Curtdude]

jesus nirrti, what a drag. I really know what this feels like. Food service is just hell. People treat you like dirt, and the employees just turn on each other.

 

Do you live in a big enough urban area to sign up with a temp agency? I temped for law firms in between jobs and even though it's mind numbingly boring (document review), it pays the bills and you don't get treated like you're a second class citizen.

 

Just a thought. Too bad the journalism gigs have panned out. I know from your past posts that writing is really what you're interested in, and are obviously good at.

 

Take care.

[Lizard]

 

 

 

They add lard to their instant refied beans.

No wonder that crap made me sick..that and their practices of keeping the food longer than is allowed by the Health Department.

 

Dianka, I've had to become careful where I do eat..

 

Nirrti, sounds like alot of good advice here..I'd check the temp agencies, that's for sure.

 

Curtdude..you said it so well here:

Food service is just hell. People treat you like dirt, and the employees just turn on each other.

 

As one who works in Food Service, but not fastfood, it is so true. Its not an easy profession to be in..I stay for the pay (honestly, its excellent!) and the bennies..which I don't think I could find in alot of other jobs...like weekends and summers and holidays off. And leave..which I can't take, because there's no one to fill in.

[Vigile]

Hi Nirrti,

 

Why don't you check out technical writing as a career move? You have a degree if I understand correctly. Start with the US and state governments. There are tons of jobs in this field. You may have to move to DC, CA, or TX where most of them are, but anything is better than where you are at now it sounds. I worked as a writer in DC years ago and I still get a mail box full of job descriptions from recruiters every week so I know the demand is still out there. Since you can only effectively communicate through the written word, capitalize on that. PM me if you want some help tracking down the jobs.

 

Your bad half is bullshitting you. Just from your posts I know you are capable of so much more than professional burrito assembly. If you can somehow convince yourself that this is true, and it is, then you'll be on the road to recovery. Capitolism is a fucking harsh jungle, but there is always room for someone like you somewhere in the middle class workforce. You just have to know that you're better than you've previously given yourself credit for. Weaknesses be damned, you have strengths. Work them out and get buffer than a muhfugga. You don't need kids giving you shit. We all hoped to leave that behind after highschool.

 

Excellent post Shiva. These are life-changing thoughts for you Nirrti if you take them to heart. There's wisdom in these words.

[KT45]

I'd like to give the same advice as everyone else here and say get away from taco bell. But from there it's kinda hard to give you advice. I have no idea how your resume looks or if you even have the creditials to hold a middle-class job. My advice would be to go anywhere else besides taco bell even if it pays the same (of course go for the job that pays more). If you have the right creditials try going for a job in journalism or writing. If you don't go find the best job you can with the mentality that you will not stay there. Not only will you be getting another job away from taco bell you'll also have more expierence on your resume. While at your new job do whatever you can, take classes, community service, write a book just do something that shows you have expierence to exceed and excel in a company. I know it's scary, there is a lot of competition out there with young guys coming in and out from high school and college. But if you don't take steps foward you'll never get anywhere accept further from your goal

[nirrti]

Thanks so much, everyone.

 

I think this is just the motivation I need to move forward. I've always known I was meant to do more than just survive. I want the respect (and money) that comes from doing a job I enjoy and I love the feeling when my work gets published. Though I also write articles every so often for a small newspaper, it's just on a freelance basis, not enough to pay the bills.

 

Taco Hell....er, um...Bell was just to get me through the time until I did get something better. But I think the job was slowly taking a piece of me at a time and as a result, I was getting discouraged and losing confidence. I'm not going to let a chump job destroy me like I've seen it do to so many others. I think that's why people get trapped in a cycle of being in these low-wage jobs. Because it sucks you dry like a vampire and you don't have any energy left to try better things.