Llwellyn Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 As you were leaving Christianity and desiring to eliminate that persuasion of relentless cruelty in the ultimate cause of all things, did you ever have a time when you obsessed about this and were therefore not much good for other things? I mean, the attempts to remove this parasite from your heart -- this bogey God with his black, insane revenges -- can be extremely difficult, so did you have a time when you were rendered disfunctional? Have you had bouts of unemployment, or hospitalization, or reclusion, or dereliction of duty, or neglect of friends and family as you attempted to chart out a new way of thinking about life or reality or God? Any days spent in bed, hours spent on the internet, weeks spent in the hospital? It is not always so easy for a person to fling that that old watching spider from your mind, and I was wondering if any people have had such serious difficulty that it absorbed an inordinate amount of your mental energies for a period. The thought of divine revenge is a pursuing suggestion, and it likely takes years or even a lifetime to recover, but I was interested in whether you have experienced any acute short term disruptions of your life in this process. Thank you for sharing your experiences! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicoleeann Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 i am still having disruptive thoughts to this day. But that's because i know that i still hold on to the belief in a all-powerful god. i am still trying to take back all victim type thoughts and take control of my own life. sometimes i think to myself: "if i turn back to xianity then at least i will have an excuse for my suffering, it will not be my fault, it will be "gods" Of course I know that nothing would change in my life except that i would shift the blaim of my shortcomings from me-to "god" i do spend hours thinking about it and trying to figure it all out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosingMyReligion Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Currently, I attend counseling sessions once every two weeks. Thankfully, this process has aided in my deconversion. When I first started breaking away I was a complete and utter mess. Even though I KNEW(emphasis on KNEW)that Christianity was a load of crap I still feared burning in hell. They program you from childhood to fear god completely. I used to be afraid of summer showers, because, as my elders told me, "The devil is beating his wife." The majority of my phobias derives from christianity. I have emetiphobia(a fear of vomiting), and I've discovered that this comes from the church. I get anxious about throwing up because I'm afraid it means that I'm possessed by a demon...Rationality now tells me that it is a natural bodily function... Presently, coming to this website and going to counseling has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I can honestly say that I am no longer afraid of going to hell and vomiting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curtdude Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I've never obsessed about it to the point of it being disruptive to my daily life, but my anger/bitterness about it does get in the way of personal relationships, particularly with the True Believin' members of my family and old friends from my churchin' days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misterspock1 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Quite a few disruptions for me. My fiancee and I broke up, my parents shunned me, and I lost many friends. Oh yeah, and I almost killed myself. I am seeing a counselor now about every other week, and he has helped a lot, but I still have quite a few emotional issues to work out. Even though I am starting to come to grips with leaving my faith (and am becoming more certain of it), I still fear that I am doomed for Hell. I have had that drilled into me from the time I was a kid, so I haven't known life without fearing Hell. I also have noticed that I have trouble hitting on a girl or getting a date just because of my Christian sense of chivalry and modesty. I don't know how much of it was rearing and how much of it was the Christian woman I was engaged to, but I do know that it is those Christian ethics in me still trying to control my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluescreen Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Yup yup, some comparatively minor disruption here. These questions have been devouring my energy for about the past year or two. There have been too many days I've staggered into school like a zombie because I stayed up so late reading and looking for answers, too much homework that got half-assed, and plenty of ruined days freaking out. It's also contributing with a nagging worry that my super-evangelical family is going to discover the fact that I'm about one step from concluding that there is no god. If those two events come to pass, you can bet there'll be a battle royale that will put sleepless nights and zombie days to shame! Oddly, I've managed to shut up the "am I risking Hell?" worry - for now, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Yes, my life *has* been disrupted by my deconversion. I've been using up insane amounts of mental energy playing a game of "fake-believe" for my parents. I've also become more withdrawn from them (possibly a good thing?). I still have crippling fears, and they only seem to intensify with time. So yeah, major disruptions have occurred as a result of changing my worldview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandrian Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 No. Leaving Christianity has made me feel much more at peace. Being around super Christians who loved to flaunt their piousness always made me feel as though I wasn't good enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 No real disruption, here. The worst of it is that I still fake going to church, so my old and not-in-the-best-of-health parents don't have to deal with the stress of me leaving the family religion, but that's about it. Otherwise, my life is more peaceful, my depression is WAY easier to control, many good things (notably, my impending marriage) have come into my world, and I expect that things will overall continue to improve. Xianity was just a ball and chain around my ankle. It's much easier to walk without it, now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regencybrougham Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I got kicked out of law school after my grades suffered due to too much time spent thinking about religion instead of law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dra_Mucd_Uha Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Yup yup, some comparatively minor disruption here. These questions have been devouring my energy for about the past year or two. There have been too many days I've staggered into school like a zombie because I stayed up so late reading and looking for answers, too much homework that got half-assed, and plenty of ruined days freaking out. It's also contributing with a nagging worry that my super-evangelical family is going to discover the fact that I'm about one step from concluding that there is no god. If those two events come to pass, you can bet there'll be a battle royale that will put sleepless nights and zombie days to shame! Oddly, I've managed to shut up the "am I risking Hell?" worry - for now, anyway. ditto - down to the last detail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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