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Great Bastards Of The Christian Faith


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As something to add to my blog I am going to do a series on the great bastards of the Christian faith. I started with saint Cyril, a prize prick. I know at some point Calvin will be in there. Has any one got any suggestions?

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Absolutely.

 

St. Augustine. For being a whiny mama's boy who ditched his common-law wife and their kid(s?) in order to "find Gawd".

 

John Knox, for being a puritanical, judgmental, hellfire-and-brimstone bastard. Martin Luther, for being basically the same. Plus being a misogynist dickweed. In fact there were a number of loudmouthed Reformist jerks during the 16th century, extreme in their viewpoints because it was an extreme time. Heh, Calvin is another, as you've mentioned...

 

Any of the Borgia popes. And the de Medici popes. Tyrannical, sadistic, power-hungry bastards. (One of the de Medici popes, Leo X, is credited with the line, "How well we know what a profitable superstition this fable of Christ has been for us.")

 

Dang. Whoever was pope during the Jewish Holocaust. For thinking everything was okay and standing by while millions of Jews and other "undesirables" were tortured and executed. Dangit - who was that pope??

 

Hell, how about Torquemada? Inquisitor General for 15 of the bloodiest years of the Spanish Inquisition.

 

Or Mary Tudor (aka "Bloody Mary"), for becoming overzealous at persecuting Protestant heretics towards the latter part of her reign - stubbornly responding to new waves of outrage by burning more heretics as a supposed deterrent. (Worked about as well as the current US occupation of Iraq is at stopping terrorism.)

 

Or the assholes who killed the pagan mathematician and philosopher Hypatia of Alexandria: a mob of crazed Christians, who flayed her alive with either potsherds or oyster shells.

 

Or hell, why not the prophet and general Joshua? Genocider for Gawd, extraordinaire...

 

I could probably continue on, but those are the first ones I could think of.

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Jeezus™ - the bastard who started it all.

 

Or... was that really Saul/Paul of Tarsus? :scratch:

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Charlemagne, who had thousands of pagan Frisians and Saxons murdered in his rampage to convert Europe to Christianity.

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Karen wheaton for putting a damn building on my street were thousands of fundies walk up and down it and make the road busy and noisey. We got enough damn churches and damn how many parking places does that bitch need it's a damn fundy festival ever weekend. damn that cult leader

Or did you want historical people and well known people?

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Charlemagne, who had thousands of pagan Frisians and Saxons murdered in his rampage to convert Europe to Christianity.

 

As soon as I saw your nick on this thread, I thought Charlemagne. How could I miss the boat on that one?

 

I'd also like to nominate Olaf Tryggvason, who brought Xianity to Norway, and Mieszko I, who brought the same spiritual poison to my primary ancestral homeland of Poland. Thanks a lot, assholes :vent:

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Has anyone mentioned Savonarola yet? He was quite the bastard. Theodosius I should also be up there. William Carey, the steaming pile of crap that instigated many missionary activities which continue to this day. Any others?

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I have to agree with them saying it is Paul. Jesus was a jerk but who isn't?! We are all jerks at one point or another. Who doesnt' say go to hell from time to time. At least he tried to change the social structure. Paul on the other hand was a fundie cultist whose goal was to make sex evil and control women while also controlling people.

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Also, Herman Cortes and Francisco Pizarro, who destroyed the Aztecs and brought the deathcult to the New World :ugh:

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I suppose you've already thought of Constantine and Henry VIII - they're pretty low-hanging fruit.

 

How about Jonathan Edwards ("Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God"? I had to read that in 11th grade English, and it still freaks me out.

 

Can we count the Dubyah, since he claims god told him to go to war?

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St. Patrick, who "drove the pagans out of Ireland"

 

The Puritans, who's hellish dogma is still pervasive in our culture today.

 

Another vote for Augustine. That was a rat bastard, no offense meant to rats.

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Thomas Aquinas because he justifies that idea of those in heaven feeling joy at seeing the suffering of those being tortured in hell. He also supported the burning of heretics. To be fair he could use biblical texts to support his theology.

 

edit: added: Would also include Augustine of Hippo since he said that unbaptised infants went to hell.

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As something to add to my blog I am going to do a series on the great bastards of the Christian faith. I started with saint Cyril, a prize prick. I know at some point Calvin will be in there. Has any one got any suggestions?

 

How about all the fuckin pedophile priests who were fucking little boys(and who knows who else)? You were confessing your sins to these guys!

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Guest VorJack

Hmmmm. I'd say Augustine, St. Jerome, Origen and the other poster boys for Freudian analysis that make up the "church fathers." For wandering into temptation and then blaming the women who tempted them. For suggesting, in St. Jerome's case, that christian women scarify themselves so as not to tempt the men. Augustine, for never ditching the manichean spirit=good/body=evil duality from his thinking even after he ditched the Manicheans.

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  • 3 weeks later...

One more I thought of. The man who was later made a saint who murdered the woman in charge of the Library of Alexandria shortly before its destruction. I cant think of either of their names.

Cyril of Alexandria, he was number one on my list.

 

So far

1) Cyril of Alexandria

2) John Calvin

3) Mother Teresa

 

I'm thinking that Augustine should be next.

 

N.B. I'm not going to do Jesus, fictional characters would make the list too long.

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