Random Ramblings

[zuker12]

Hey guys, been a while. I wanted to share how ive been doing for the past 2 months. Turns out great, without god, aside from the arguments that nonbelievers are fully evil equal to worst killers miserable pieces of shhit ive heard from fanatic theists. However i still have some emotional baggage to work out.

 

2 months ago i made the decision that i dont want to spend any more time on the religion issue not evenon the offchance it turns out to be the truth. It simply is not the life i want to live. My feelings and thoughts and my whole persona is just not for some reason compatible with the idea of very strict, domineering contradictory and mentally abusive religion. I just am what i am. As are most humans. It dont make sense to fight against oneself. What do you make of the idea that one could be a christian if he just tried hard enough? Denying himself all the doubts and conflicting emotions and embracing christianity fully even when it seems unreal or inhumane. Just as long as you are "right".

 

Anyway one ox the hardest things for me is i am still emotionally invested in this religion issue. I do understand why atleast partially. I get a strong emotional reaction when i read up on christianity. I can list my emotional issues but my cellphone battery is running out. Dont get me wrong i dont view my emotions and thoughts as necessarily evil or irrational. I still fear irrationally if im wrong though. Ive always had an irrational fear of rejection. I wish i could just move on totally; just shrug on the issue and say "well thats what he thinks". Even on the chance that im wrong. I dont care about the issue or about saving the world. It is enough for me if i can make the lives of me and my loved ones better.

 

I need to write a continuation on this. Does anyone else still have problems with their emotions and religion? Because my emotions make me dwell on the issue and cloud my judgement. I realize im only human and i never wanted to be here. Everything seems to be arbitrary either way, god or not. I just wish my emotions didnt make me so invested i. The issue. I want to live my life without others telling me what to think. I still think you cant dominate human morality and take a superiour ground versus anyone else even if you were devoutly religious or ultrarational. We are human beings most of us have good will and respect but also commit rAndom acts of selfishness which just seems to be something ingrained in us. I hhave irrational nonreligious ideas about the world which seem to make me happy and hurt no one. Am i evil for having feelings like this? This is the lingering religious mindset i still have.