Learner Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 How have you found new ways to grown in character as an ex-christian (patience, kindness, etc)? As a Christian, the typical approach is to pray fervently, "Lord, please make me a more patient person"...and to meditate on verses about patience. As a Christian, a person feels more impetus to develop that character trait to be pleasing to the Lord and since it's what God requires. But as an ex-Christian, I don't know how to grow in things like patience. I now realize whatever growth I had before was actually as a result of my own efforts, not prayer or God. But there is a soothing effect as a Christian that prayer has when you're in the midst of frustration. So all that said, have you found helpful ways to grow in character as an ex-Christian? My heart's desire is to have even stronger character and (humanist) morals than I did as a Christian, but I don't know where to start or what resources to use. I know everyone's different, but if you could share some things that have helped you personally, that would really help me. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Uh yeah. I finally learned how to forgive when I became an ex-Christian. On top of that my morality and ethics grew as an atheist because finally I was acting without any outside motive. If I do something good now it is only because I want a good thing to happen. When I choose to not do evil it is because I don't want that evil to happen. There is no dictator in the sky watching me to punish or reward me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Its funny. When I was a Christian, I always heard the phrase "Character is who you are when no one is around". I think that this applies primarily to Christians or someone of religious beliefs rather than the general population. In Christianity, your thoughts and actions when you are alone define you. So when you have those dirty thoughts when an attractive member of the opposite sex pops up on TV or you drop an F bomb because you stubbed your toe, in the Christian realm, you aren't that high characteristically. I agree with MM, now that I am a Christian I see things differently. My character actually means something. I can be who I am all the time. I don't have to put on a façade and pretend that life is great all the time. I can be impatient. I can not like someone because they treat me like shit. I don't have to pretend. Christianity is all about the show. The services, the attitudes you can and cannot have. How you treat people. Being joyful all the time because of what jesus did for you. Vomit! As an ex-Christian, my character is real and genuine. I can treat people well because I want to, not because I have to. I can love and hate freely, regardless if the benefits or negatives are present. As far as building character goes, you can learn on the job. Treat people like you want to be treated. The Golden Rule is very good at this. Learning patience comes from practice. Having a different mindset about life makes things easier to understand, and therefore, can change the way you respond or act in certain circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Agreed with the last post. Plus, since you even inside Christianity were supposed to control yourself, I just skip the nonexistent middle man and do it myself as I always did ... only I'm not any longer creating a substitutive regular expression to replace myself with deity and give credit to the nonexistent. Truly, you can go with your conscience. Your conscience. Don't have a problem with homosexuals? Fine, you don't have to pretend that you do, or create a half-hearted apologetic to satisfy your own conscience and unconvincingly try to satisfy the Christians. Don't support the turfing of Palestinians by an imperial Israeli government? (Many of those Palestinians are Christian, by the way). You needn't be afraid of self-monitoring inside the narrative. You know it's not right, so you don't support it. I havfe a far clearer conscience on a whole host of issues, where I'm no longer required to pretend that I support some amoral pro-dogma constructs. I don't know if you're a humanist or not, or if you have yet checked out what humanism actually is. They lied to you about humanism, at least they did as far back as the 1980s. I put the greatest well-being for the greatest number of people possible as first prerogative, personally. Humans are not a curse of sin, and nor are we the virus of nature people like Green Peace would have you believe. We're a beautiful, sometimes chaotic, sometimes terrible, part of the universe, with amazing emergent properties, much of what you call character. There are no true relativists, the way the Christians argue against: That's technically impossible, and if truth be told, I knew that for the last years of my Christinsanity too. The short answer is, don't any longer violate your own conscience. You have to live with yourself afterwards, and our own consciences are as much a part of ourselves as anything else. To that end, I'm steering clear of all dogmas, because it's really easy to subscribe to things that you know or learn to be wrong and destructive, just to fit in, or out of fear of being ostracized. Dogmatic structures know this inherently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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