I'm Not An Ex-Christian. I'm A Human Being.

[Jaseph]

Now that my eyes have opened and I am convinced that christianity is not true, I want to move on; I don't want to live for christ anymore. Nor do I want to build my identity and life around the fact that I am an ex-xstian, for the simple reason that if I were to do that, religion would still (indirectly) play a central role in my life.

 

What I want is to live an enjoyable and meaningful life; I still can spend hours reading books, having conversations and watching Youtube videos and documentaries about atheism and this time could also be spend on other, perhaps more enjoyable or meaningful, activities; to me this is fine if it helps me to get rid of the xtianity in my mind, for which it is really effective (and in a way it is enjoyable and meaningful), but I don't want to do it excessively and sometimes I feel this is the case. I feel the time has come to reduce the time I spend on these activities, so that is what I will try.

 

Do you recognize what I describe? Do you see spending lots of time on anti-christian actities as not desirable (because you have better things to do) or do you think it's fine to you (perhaps because you really find it meaningful)? If not, how do you deal with it?

 

I'm not saying it's not fine to spend time on getting rid of the indoctrination of christianity in your mind. It does take a lot of work and I am glad that so many resources are available to help us on that journey.

[TrueFreedom]

I think that many of us obsess over atheistic sources during deconversion.  It's probably a good idea for most of us to find something else to focus our attention on eventually.  Sometimes we need a new community to replace our church community.  That could be a group of athletes to train with, a secular meetup group, a UU church, or a quilting club.  I hope that you find what makes you happy.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

It comes in waves for me.  Sometimes all I can think of is getting on this website and finding some moron to bash in The Lion's Den, or finding some really good anti-christian videos to watch.  Then other times I go for weeks without even thinking about religion.  There's an ebb and flow to it; and what I've found is that when I'm actively bashing religion, I learn a lot that I can use during the lulls.  Because it always seems like the Mormons, Jehovies, and Baptists want to knock on my door during the lulls; and I never fail to invite them in and tear their beliefs to shreds.

 

At the end of the day, though, you are in charge of your own deconversion.  If you feel like stepping away for a while, you should do so.  You can always pick up where you left off later, if you so desire.  This thing gets easier as time goes by.  Eventually, you'll find your own little groove that works for you.

[Guest Furball]

My deconversion symptoms are now happening less and less. Yeah, it's almost time to move on from all of this and get back to real life again.

[25YearsLater]

I very much agree with the OP on this one.  The bitterness, the determination to trash every aspect of one's pre-deconversion life, the anger and resentment - they're all very natural, and 25 (actually 27) years later, I can still feel the echoes of those things, sometimes not far from the surface.

 

But although some ranting against the past is natural, even desirable, maybe, there comes a time where it becomes destructive, since it constantly re-opens the wounds.

 

It has become relevant for me again recently, because I find myself in the position of contributing to the education of one of my best friends' children, and they're still Christians nearly 30 years later.  

 

So inevitably I'm revisiting things, and of course, since my passion for truth is just as strong as it was when I was a Christian, I would dearly love to convert my friend, just as I dearly wanted to convert non-Christians when I was a believer.

 

But I intend to find the middle way, if there is one.  Certainly I want to do no damage - being right doesn't entitle me to be unkind, and maybe I would love my friend better by not doing what I did to another good friend, from the other side of the fence thirty five years ago.

[florduh]

Do you see spending lots of time on anti-christian actities as not desirable (because you have better things to do) or do you think it's fine to you (perhaps because you really find it meaningful)?

 

I had an easy deconversion. When it finally hit me that Christianity is a load of meadow muffins, I just walked away. For a while I kicked myself for being so gullible, but religion quickly became a non issue. I didn't even think about it.

 

As the radical Christians redoubled their efforts of incursion into secular life, as they began to seriously infect politics, as they went on the offensive with their Creationism farce, I felt compelled to resist. If I can encourage any fence sitters to abandon the cult, if I can be instrumental in any way to keep religion out of secular society, I will do it.

[BrotherJosh]

I am Groot. 

[mikey101]

To me, ex-Christian simply means you aren't a Christian anymore.  

 

It doesn't mean you need to spend time on anti-christian activities, or have to be atheist or materialist. And it doesn't mean you're anti-Christian or any other religion.  It just means you're not a Christian now.  

[Deva]

I used to spend time over in Christian forums reading their arguments.  I have not done that in several years.  I feel that is progress. I think that. in general, to get all worked up and militant means one has not gotten past the programing; although there could be specific circumstances that would still trigger an outburst which would not mean a step backwards.  Of course, that is just my opinion.

 

I also think that to be able to attend a church service, if need be, without hostile thoughts would be progress.

[RipVanWinkle]

Deva: Getting through a church service without hostile thoughts is still difficult for me.  Rip

[Orbit]

I deconverted 6 months ago and spent the first few months obsessed with atheist material. Now I don't care so much. I got from it what I needed. I've moved on to building the identity that I want to have instead of defining myself by what I'm not. I'm figuring out how to have spirituality in my life, divorced from religion, and that takes up more of my attention these days.

[ClaraOlive]

I recognize what you're saying.

 

When I left Christianity, I wanted to give my father a good faith effort to read a Christian book that he wanted me to read. I put a lot of time into responding to the book as if I were discussing it with him (I sent him a 20 page letter) before realizing that he never had any intention of discussing it in that amount of depth. When I realized that, I also had the realization that spending so much time engaged with Christian vs. atheist arguments wasn't as the OP said, enjoyable or meaningful to me anymore.

 

It took me a long time to find my own identity though, and while I did so, I leaned on this board to have a place for my past to be heard. It's not all or nothing, black or white, where either you spend all your time wallowing in your Christian past or else you never think about it even once ever again.

[Woodsy]

Thanks, everyone, for this good post. I, too, see some kind of progression in my deconversion experience, thankfully. It is still difficult to shed all those things I was taught as a xian. Many old thoughts and beliefs rear their ugly heads at times. I was away for awhile tending to family matters recently during which I thought it was time to step back from all this for awhile. But I am finding that I still need this connection to learn more about what I am going through. Being in religion for most of my life and realizing all it did to me as I was growing up is very traumatic. And I am beginning to realize that I may never be free from some things. So, I try and get educated in order to cope. Thankfully, my husband and immediate family were never sucked into religion like I was. My hubby recently admitted that he tried the "church thing" just for me and found he just couldn't do it. He was very instrumental in my leaving religion. Presently, I am trying to come to grips with the brevity of life and the old conflicts of past beliefs regarding this. I am making some progress. Thanks to you all for sharing.

[ToHellWithMe]

This has lately been a question I ask myself as well.

 

One way to look at it is to trust your feelings: you will get bored of it when it's time. So, it is not necessary to fret about it taking your time now, as it will pass.

 

On another thought, you may be on to something. Maybe there is two different types of attachment. Clinging to something because it has just become a habit, even when you're not really gaining anything from it anymore. Another is when you're not getting enough of something because it just is so enthralling. Both types have their own good and bad sides that have to be balanced.

 

On a more concrete note, I've been de-converting for most of my life. From Christianity, from statism, from feminism, from male chauvinism (or patriarchism, if you insist) and from who knows what else. And it is ongoing. Based on this, I would tell you to prepare for a long journey.

[CDFree]

I deconverted 6 months ago and spent the first few months obsessed with atheist material. Now I don't care so much. I got from it what I needed. I've moved on to building the identity that I want to have instead of defining myself by what I'm not. I'm figuring out how to have spirituality in my life, divorced from religion, and that takes up more of my attention these days.

I'm interested to hear what kind of spirituality an atheist can have?

[Orbit]

 

I deconverted 6 months ago and spent the first few months obsessed with atheist material. Now I don't care so much. I got from it what I needed. I've moved on to building the identity that I want to have instead of defining myself by what I'm not. I'm figuring out how to have spirituality in my life, divorced from religion, and that takes up more of my attention these days.

I'm interested to hear what kind of spirituality an atheist can have?

See Sam Harris' book Waking Up: Spirituality without Religion for a full discussion of that

[Positivist]

I am at the stage where I am considering abandoning deconversion material. I am considering living my life as an agnostic or an agnostic atheist.

 

 

What I mean is, I think I have reached the point for living a normal life without constant atheist reading material. Do I really need more proof? No.

 

Same here, ES. When I first lost my faith (actually figured out that I was an atheist after a lifetime of being a fundagelical believer) I was addicted to Ex-C.net! Being here was like being in a healing program. Now that I am simply becoming "human" (that term sounds arrogant but any Ex-C will get it!) I find I spend less and less time here. Life is full of questions to which no one has answers (and beware the one who claims to have them!). The questions with which we wrestle have stumped the brightest of minds for millennia.

 

So yes, I too am becoming more "human" i.e. I identify less and less as an ex-C.

 

Take your time on the journey. 

[Voice]

Jaseph, it sounds like you're not exactly a christian either, or you don't feel you want to be one.  You could say "former christian."  Keep reading.

[Leo]

I like what everyon'e said thus far. I've been out since this past April. I don't really have a desire for spirituality of any sort, just have an atheist head with a humanist heart.

I go through phases also, of reading this site and not reading any atheist debates. But for those of us with believing spouses and family we are closer to it than perhaps one would be without that relationship. I really enjoyed Dale McGowen's book "In Faith And In Doubt."