NoOne Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 So I deconverted in December, and so far I can tell you it's been an enjoyable AND depressing transformation. Ironic? Yes I know, but let me explain. The enjoyable aspects so far have been the following: 1) I feel like I'm no longer chained to this illogical and hurtful belief system, and that I have my own morality that doesn't come from a book that condones slavery, misogyny, xenophobia, and homophobia. 2) I have more credibility as a (kind of) feminist. 3) I can sleep in on Sundays without feeling guilty. 4) I can spot logical fallacies all the time and it's kind of cool...okay, lame I know. 5) I'm more educated on Christianity than most Christians will ever be. 6) I can talk from serious and objective points of view than emotional and subjective ones. 7) I have all these plans for the future that I've always wanted but never thought I could do before! (Tattoos/piercings, dating/experimenting with both men and women, becoming a secular musician, doing philanthropic work without needing any religious movitation, etc.) The depressing aspects are the following: 1) I can no longer relate to Christian family and friends as much as I used to or wanted to. 2) I have to explain why I don't believe anymore to Christian friends. 3) I got into a religious fight with 2 Christian kids at school. We did make up and they apologized but still...it showed me that people have an unreasonable problem with us that they probably feel is so just and clear when it's not. 4) I have very few friends at school and I remember I used to ask God to remind me every time I felt alone that He was with me and that's all that matter. Now that I don't believe that and stopped feeling a made-up presence, it's been really lonely. I don't like going to school, I actually lied to my mom about having a stomachache so I wouldn't have to go today because this week has been pretty hard. I mean, I wasn't great anyway, I slept through dinner last night, and my stomach was cramping but I still could've gone. 5) when I'm upset and I feel like I have no one to talk to, I can't pray. 6) it's still very hard to acknowledge that I should be getting credit for my own hard work and talents, something still wants to recognize this higher power 7) I still believe in something after this life based on how you lived in this world and if you helped people or not, but it's not a messed-up system like heaven or hell. I find myself missing the idea of heaven and really worrying if I'll go to hell. So that's it. They're pretty balanced. I don't know what to do about the depressing stuff, so I try to revel in my enjoyables...which is not always easy, in all honesty. But I think I'll be okay. I just hope there's more good stuff down the road instead of bad stuff. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Deconverting is a lot like becoming an adult--and in some ways, that's exactly what it is. Part of growing up is learning to think for yourself, discern truth from fiction and fantasy, stand on your own two feet emotionally, and take responsibility for yourself. None of that is easy to learn to do. A couple of tips. All those times when you talked to god or he comforted you, you were comforting yourself. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation with someone in your mind. If you'd like to make real, live friends, try reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Some of the examples in the book are dated now, but human nature doesn't really change. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wertbag Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 It sounds like you could really do with some non-religious friends to talk to and have fun with. Depending on what is available in your area you could look for groups doing things Christians wouldn't like d&d, sci-fi, or pretty much any geeky past time. Alternatively start a club of your own to see who else around you has similar thoughts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thackerie Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 The title of your post could be slightly edited and would still be true: Life ... It's Enjoyable And Depressing 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Just looking at your negatives: 1) I can no longer relate to Christian family and friends as much as I used to or wanted to. Goes with the territory, I'm afraid. 2) I have to explain why I don't believe anymore to Christian friends. No you don't. There is no imperative upon you to volunteer this information and no right on their part to demand it. It's your choice. 3) I got into a religious fight with 2 Christian kids at school. We did make up and they apologized but still...it showed me that people have an unreasonable problem with us that they probably feel is so just and clear when it's not. Is this the result of 2 above? If so, might be worth thinking if you could have handled this to avoid the conflict. Also, can you find some non-Christian friends? 4) I have very few friends at school and I remember I used to ask God to remind me every time I felt alone that He was with me and that's all that matter. Now that I don't believe that and stopped feeling a made-up presence, it's been really lonely. I don't like going to school, I actually lied to my mom about having a stomachache so I wouldn't have to go today because this week has been pretty hard. I mean, I wasn't great anyway, I slept through dinner last night, and my stomach was cramping but I still could've gone.5) when I'm upset and I feel like I have no one to talk to, I can't pray. These two seem to go together as an issue of loneliness. The first thing in my mind is that you will make matters no better by hiding from school - after all, you won't beat loneliness by being more alone. Is there an issue of bullying here, though? Does it relate to the fight in 3 above? If so, you need to speak to someone in authority to sort this before it gets out of hand. More generally, are there any clubs or societies at school that answer to your interests? 6) it's still very hard to acknowledge that I should be getting credit for my own hard work and talents, something still wants to recognize this higher power Practice. You'll get there in the end. Or you could try acknowledging something else - your own spirit of determination, for example. 7) I still believe in something after this life based on how you lived in this world and if you helped people or not, but it's not a messed-up system like heaven or hell. I find myself missing the idea of heaven and really worrying if I'll go to hell. If you don't believe in a "messed-up system like heaven or hell" there is no need to miss the one (which you have never experienced anyway) or fear the other (which you believe doesn't exist. This sounds like you need to spend some time working out in more detail what you do believe, rather than what you don't. A clearer concept of the "something" that you believe may sort out the other issues for you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 MysteriousGirlyGoth: You are obviously very intelligent, but more importantly, you have both feet on the ground. Keep it up. Rip 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoOne Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Thank you all so much!! All the kind words and advice mean a lot to me There's really not a lot of irreligious kids in the area who I know of. There are kids who don't practice their religion or take it seriously, but as long as they still have a specific title, they want to be part of that religious group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 The title of your post could be slightly edited and would still be true: Life ... It's Enjoyable And Depressing ditto-though i find life tends to be more depressing than enjoyable - that's christian indoctrination right there folks. i was a happy cute guy till jesus got a hold of me and gave me a bleak outlook on life, now i am trying to get back to the enjoy side of life -boo to jesus - yeah to life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 27, 2015 Moderator Share Posted January 27, 2015 MGG.....When we believe in god, we believe in an 'all good god'. A loving god who protects his world and people. An almost perfect world filled with god's love. This is our dilemma. Many have discovered that evolution is probably true (even if we still believe in another kind of higher power) and this shows us that the world is all about survival. Humans evolved and had to survive. It was never supposed to be happy, happy, happy. I personally suffered from lopsided perceptions that this trip on earth was supposed to be all happy. Now my logical mind tells me that I must accept the way things are or I will be forever miserable. So I personally have come to the conclusion that we live in a natural world with beauty and disasters. We will all feel pain and we will all feel suffering to a certain degree. And we will all feel many moments of peace and happiness. I am working very hard on learning how to handle the suffering we have to endure. I try to work on solutions if I can. At the same time, also learning to take every moment that there is peaceful moments and trying to be totally grateful for those times during the day. I also think that it is important for all of us to take control of our emotions as best as we can as we go on in this journey in life. I have leaned that there are no negatives without positives, challenges without supports, or pains without pleasures. I just need to accept this and make the very best out of everything I have to encounter. It's a bumpy ride. I think that acceptance is a big deal when it comes to dealing with life. Acceptance helps me to breathe a bit of relief knowing that life does have it's ups and downs because it is life on mother earth.. I don't fight it so hard anymore. Try to take anything that you can that is nice in your life and concentrate on those things. Always remember that what you focus on, expands. So focus on the good things hon. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as your own best friend. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarflungWanderer Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 MGG, we're all in your corner. I know how you feel, and it is a jarring transition. I'm still working my way through it. I don't really have any real advice to give, as I'm still somewhat getting used to it, but I would say that you should find some friends. Here is a really good place to that; the people here are good people. They make good friends, and you'll always have a place to come to should you need a break from the world. That's how I'm doing it. Even when I'm through the process, I'll keep coming back here because this is where I want to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 29, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted January 29, 2015 Most people, especially the younger ones, need a group identity. The dominant group around these parts is Christians, but in another time or place it would be Shiites, Scientologists, Nazis or perhaps Communists. There is always great social pressure to be part of the dominant group, to support and agree with them. But what if you don't agree? Your options are to be true to yourself and do the right thing or live a lie. It's a pretty simple choice but both have their drawbacks in practical terms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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