Ranger26 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Hey guys,I haven't posted here in a while, so I don't many of you will remember me posting here a year or so back about feeling like i got "the call" to go back, and how I was in and out, but couldn't accept Christianity as the only religion and the only way to God anymore.I do however feel like a Christian on many days, and experience that bliss/high that I used to when I was a Christian, I get good thoughts about living a "pure" life, and even considered becoming celibate until marriage again. Basically I feel how I used to be when I was a Christian, and remembering those times brings me a sense of peace, comfort, but most of all bliss and high.It is strange because I still don't want to go to church, read or agree with the Bible, or believe that Christian God is the only true God and Christianity is fully true, I ignore the theological questions, so without going deep, i enjoy the shallow "relationship with God".I don't know if I have a quesiton or just wanted to share where I am, and see if anyone can relate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 So the high can be achieved without deep serious commitment to God. Keep up the practice and you will figure out how to keep the high without religion at all. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarflungWanderer Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I have to agree. Going back to something harmful because it gives you an emotional high has some equivalencies to going back to drugs. Focus your efforts, and you can pull that feeling out of a hat whenever you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StJeffTheIncomprehensible Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Hi Ranger26, I know the feeling, having ridden this same roller-coaster my whole life. Up till about 2 years ago I was always able to recover my lost faith--not knowing any other way to live, not able to even conceive of life without religion. But each time I had a crisis of faith, I think I lost a little bit more ground that could not be regained. I guess in the end I finally got tired of trying to haul my faith around and decided to leave it behind. If religious feelings make you happy, well, I suppose that's not too bad, especially since it doesn't seem you are grounding these feelings in any kind of formal dogmatism or scripture or whatnot. The previous commenters have a great point that I agree with fully. When I look into the night sky, or watch my little girl play, or read a great poem, I feel the same "religious" feeling I used to get when I prayed or read the bible. When I was still Christian I didn't see the similarities, but they are definitely coming from the same part of the brain. What's missing most for me after leaving faith is the companionship of people with shared interests, the community of believers. I'm still trying to figure that part out. I wish you well on your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiyana Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Ranger26.. I really, really relate to you about the "pure life" stuff. I first felt drawn to Christianity as a teenage girl. I had never heard the terms "saved" or "born again" until I got a magazine subscription to Brio (a magazine that used to be published by Focus on the Family for teenage girls). They had a HUGE focus on "purity" that I was EXTREMELY drawn to. The idea of being "God's princess"... living to a higher standard... living for a higher call... it all really drew my perfectionist, OCD-type personality. I didn't know any Christian teens IRL, only the girls I read of in the magazine, who seemed to be perfect. I was actually quite upset in my 20's, when I began going to church, to see that as we all became older adults, no one lived that purity lifestyle at all. Even though I was part of a crowd of very conservative Christians, they just didn't have that persona of purity that I was so drawn to. And so when I was in my early 30's, I became drawn to super-extra-ultra fundamentalism. I went seven months in 2011 wearing a skirt every single day, and I even started headcovering to an extent. I was going for the example of the purity culture "mommy bloggers", at that point. I am completely deconverted now, but the idea of purity still intensely draws me. I would love to sit on a psychologist's couch and figure out why. But, I just wanted to say that I relate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Ranger - something puzzles me. Is the position you describe rooted in having sought to throw over the doctrines of Christianity but having maintained a belief in the morality? The concept of what constitutes sin and purity? Does not the idea of sin depend on doctrine to make sense? On that basis, why the emotional response to an idea of moral purity that has no meaning if you have left the Christian fold? I may be misunderstanding you, of course. All the best on whatever path you decide to take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiyana Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Ellinas... I cannot speak for Ranger, but your words really struck me. You are totally right. Without Christianity making the standards, why do I see what I see as being "pure"? Damn. That gave me food for thought more than anything has in a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranger26 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 To be honest, most of my life I tried to keep myself to a higher standard. I grew up in an army family, played high level competative hockey since I was a kid, and tried being the best in school and my sport. I was also a kid who was also drawn to strong characters such as Maximus from the Gladiator, firemen, soldiers, etc. Basically anything heroic, and where you had to sacrifice your life in service of others. I, still to this day am ruled by that understanding of life. I don't go around looking for pleasure and consider sacrifice, discipline, and abstinance from certain things as the best way to live. Many of my friends say I am too focused on morals and doing the right thing, and have hard times relaxing and letting go.Besides, I don't want to get rid of the idea that God exists. No i do want to get rid of the Christian idea of Him, but in general i do believe there is something higher than us. It could just be an idea, which makes me to strive to do better, be better, something to look up to. Something that pushes us to be better people. Maybe that explains why I am so focused on morality, but also why I couldn't remain a Christian, considering the rest of the world and my family was going to hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranger26 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Ranger26.. I really, really relate to you about the "pure life" stuff. I first felt drawn to Christianity as a teenage girl. I had never heard the terms "saved" or "born again" until I got a magazine subscription to Brio (a magazine that used to be published by Focus on the Family for teenage girls). They had a HUGE focus on "purity" that I was EXTREMELY drawn to. The idea of being "God's princess"... living to a higher standard... living for a higher call... it all really drew my perfectionist, OCD-type personality. I didn't know any Christian teens IRL, only the girls I read of in the magazine, who seemed to be perfect. I was actually quite upset in my 20's, when I began going to church, to see that as we all became older adults, no one lived that purity lifestyle at all. Even though I was part of a crowd of very conservative Christians, they just didn't have that persona of purity that I was so drawn to. And so when I was in my early 30's, I became drawn to super-extra-ultra fundamentalism. I went seven months in 2011 wearing a skirt every single day, and I even started headcovering to an extent. I was going for the example of the purity culture "mommy bloggers", at that point. I am completely deconverted now, but the idea of purity still intensely draws me. I would love to sit on a psychologist's couch and figure out why. But, I just wanted to say that I relate. Ranger26.. I really, really relate to you about the "pure life" stuff. I first felt drawn to Christianity as a teenage girl. I had never heard the terms "saved" or "born again" until I got a magazine subscription to Brio (a magazine that used to be published by Focus on the Family for teenage girls). They had a HUGE focus on "purity" that I was EXTREMELY drawn to. The idea of being "God's princess"... living to a higher standard... living for a higher call... it all really drew my perfectionist, OCD-type personality. I didn't know any Christian teens IRL, only the girls I read of in the magazine, who seemed to be perfect. I was actually quite upset in my 20's, when I began going to church, to see that as we all became older adults, no one lived that purity lifestyle at all. Even though I was part of a crowd of very conservative Christians, they just didn't have that persona of purity that I was so drawn to. And so when I was in my early 30's, I became drawn to super-extra-ultra fundamentalism. I went seven months in 2011 wearing a skirt every single day, and I even started headcovering to an extent. I was going for the example of the purity culture "mommy bloggers", at that point. I am completely deconverted now, but the idea of purity still intensely draws me. I would love to sit on a psychologist's couch and figure out why. But, I just wanted to say that I relate. Thank you for your response, I guess we are all in this together. I too have/had OCD and my mind is very perfectionist and fixated on a lot of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Keeping or overthrowing the concept of god is a separate issue to personal morality. I just wonder on what you base your morality if you no longer accept the Christian concept of deity. Have you thought through a basis for your personal morality since turning from the Christian god? Have you tried to link it to whatever concept you have now? I just wonder if this process would be a benefit to you. , Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 To be honest, most of my life I tried to keep myself to a higher standard. I grew up in an army family, played high level competative hockey since I was a kid, and tried being the best in school and my sport. I was also a kid who was also drawn to strong characters such as Maximus from the Gladiator, firemen, soldiers, etc. Basically anything heroic, and where you had to sacrifice your life in service of others. I, still to this day am ruled by that understanding of life. I don't go around looking for pleasure and consider sacrifice, discipline, and abstinance from certain things as the best way to live. Many of my friends say I am too focused on morals and doing the right thing, and have hard times relaxing and letting go. Besides, I don't want to get rid of the idea that God exists. No i do want to get rid of the Christian idea of Him, but in general i do believe there is something higher than us. It could just be an idea, which makes me to strive to do better, be better, something to look up to. Something that pushes us to be better people. Maybe that explains why I am so focused on morality, but also why I couldn't remain a Christian, considering the rest of the world and my family was going to hell. Morality is a subjective adventure at best. people have killed tens of thousands of others based on their "morality" and I disagree with why and what they did. Does that make them right or me? The issue with subjective viewpoints which is exactly what morality is, is that someone else is always bound to not agree with you and then want to fight to make sure that you don't get your say or they can force you to their viewpoint or eject your so to speak. Focus on being healthy maybe and not so much on some fashioned morality. The universe is not bound by morality it is bound by physics. Physics in most forms is a practice in logic and balance. I think that to live a balanced life of moderation is the best way we can build from. If you are not excessive there is no reason you should not go out and experience the many things that life can be. It would really suck going to the death bed and not being able to look back and say that you did everything you could to experience your wonderful reality while you were here. To me our lives are a grand adventure, and a place to experience learn and grow until death comes and the mystery is opened to us. What comes after there is no proof of anything. I personally love mystery and look forward to my death and the possibility of nothing or something just as much as living for experience each day. I am guessing the day I stop wanting more here I will be dead. I hear you on living a clean life a "pure" life, just make sure that purity is a construct of yours and your desires and not that of some other group that has influenced you for the wrong reasons. Having a healthy skeptisism for religion is a safe bet. Any system that seeks to control what others say, do, and think is not to be trusted in my opinion. by the way the kind of bliss you describe is what an addict feels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 It is possible to have spiritual feelings without connecting those feelings to Christianity. I do. While religion is associated with those feelings, you can "rescue" them from religion and use them as a basis for your own spirituality. I do this through meditation. Consider this: Christian mystic Meister Eckhart from the 14th Century says, "I pray God make me free of God that I may know God in [His] unconditional being," Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts