MightyLikely Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Before I was born, a group of families settled in an isolated location to await the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Though they expected to be on earth no more than seven or so years, they were still waiting when I was born about 20 years later. They rather dreaded the Second Coming because it was predicted there would be a terrible ordeal just before Jesus arrived: all the other Christian churches would join the satanic horde to try to destroy us. My people feared everyone who wasn’t ourselves. They were harsh toward the minor sinners among us while protecting pedophiles and overlooking an amazing spectrum of infidelity. We children were taught that we would face torture and interrogation in courts because of our faith, so it was important to have all the correct religious answers memorized. We had to set an example of perfect Christians no matter what secrets were shoved under the rug. I learned how to guard my thoughts so that they could not be read by the devil or the devil's angels. We feared psychic attack and demonic takeover. I believed everything they told me until the reality they gave me failed to hold up to my own perceptions. I don’t know why I was the only one to see that the stars they hung in the dome of our sky were just tacked on. First it was just a small rip in the fabric. Stories they told about the past didn’t line up with historical accounts. Their cosmology was off. Stars die. If stars die, then death isn’t unique to this one planet as they claimed. Perhaps these inconsistencies alone would have led me to where I stood one night, no, many nights, shaking my fist at the night sky, enraged to belong to an ignorant race that has never traveled beyond the orbit of its one lonely moon. But there was more. My mind was different. I experienced things not explained by the five senses. For me there seemed to be doorways in time and space, and I saw things that those around me didn’t see. I understood what Vincent Van Gogh saw when he painted the night sky. He seemed to paint at an atomic level, capturing pure energy, whirling and spinning, and I understood how it was that he fell into the vast spaces between the atoms and was lost. I didn’t want to be lost like Vincent, so I sought understanding outside the boundaries of my people’s beliefs. I faced my fear of the unknown, and in so doing, it seemed as though my soul had wings and many kinds of eyes. I saw music, I listened to light, I flew and changed shape, I had no limits. I was too big to fit into any church, and too small to be contained in any cage. Eventually my feet touched the earth again, and I knew that the thing that made me different was a gift, and that I was also a broken creature. I had to make a choice whether to fly away or to try to live in this world and in this body which was weakened by all I had been through. I chose the greater challenge, to be here now, but I was alone. When I was a young agnostic, I thought that by keeping an open mind and continuing to explore, that I might come across more knowledge that would eventually bring me back to my people. I have gone through denial, alienation, the “what if I’m wrong” stage, the “why me?” stage; and I think I’m finally to the acceptance stage. Unless I destroy a major portion of my consciousness, I will never again be a Christian. I have mourned gently the loss of my faith and connection to my roots and loss of family closeness. I seemed to skip the anger stage altogether -- until recent years. As time goes by and it becomes clearer to me how morally insane my people are, I have become increasingly cynical. It seems backwards to me that I was forgiving when I was young, and have become more intolerant of Christianity as I age. But then, reality never was what I expected it would be. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Welcome to ExC, MightyLikely. I enjoyed reading your creatively written testimonial. I especially enjoyed your interpretation of Van Gogh's painting of the night sky. I assume the attached painting is the one to which you refer. The group into which you were born which were awaiting end-times must have had a big impact on your life. Many ExChristians come here with lingering end-time fears. I hope you have come to terms with any such issues. Continue seeing the music and hearing the light as it seems to have served you well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoodAwakening Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Welcome, ML! "Unless I destroy a major part of my consciousness, I will never again be a Christian." Worth the read for that one sentence. Please keep your consciousness exactly as it is - your inquisitive and creative mind is what has made all the difference to you. Well done on coming so far, and good luck with the rest of your journey. We're all here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyLikely Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thank you, it is good to have company and conversation. And yes, Overcame Faith, that is the Van Gogh painting I was speaking of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Welcome! Such a great "extimony!" We're all alike in many ways but one way I can relate to your story is that I too, have less tolerance for Christians and Christianity as I age. I can't relate to those who stopped or never asked questions of their faith. I cannot muster up the respect for an adult who fails to voice their concerns about their theology. I'm just pretty harsh with regards to Christians and their faith. It also stems from the aggressive nature of many Christians. They want to judge and regulate others according to their faith but they don't get that luxury. Not until they first prove this god of theirs... But no, we're all to be subject to their fairy-tales due to their inability to reason like a rational human being. Fuck religion. (see, I'm not past the angry stage yet) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted April 8, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 8, 2015 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Welcome. Interesting post. You seem to have escaped a sect that is particularly loopy even by Christian standards. Well done. Is your apparent reference to synaesthesia metaphorical or do you experience this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyLikely Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 <Is your apparent reference to synaesthesia metaphorical or do you experience this?> When I say I saw music and listened to light, I am trying to capture an experience I can’t really describe because it doesn’t correlate with what we normally experience with our five senses. My journey has been a bizarre course in the nature of reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StJeffTheIncomprehensible Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Hi Mighty, good to meet you--I'll never be a Christian again either! Once you see through the rip in the fabric, it's hard to unsee. I hope you find much here to help you along your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 <Is your apparent reference to synaesthesia metaphorical or do you experience this?> When I say I saw music and listened to light, I am trying to capture an experience I can’t really describe because it doesn’t correlate with what we normally experience with our five senses. My journey has been a bizarre course in the nature of reality. Well, reality (whatever it may be) is capable of being pretty bizarre... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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