LongWayAround Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I have found at some point after deconverting my inner dialogue became much coarser. I am not saying this is a bad thing; it is actually kind of fun. I just didn't expect it but I guess without big brother monitoring my thoughts there is no reason to filter what I am thinking. Some examples: My co-worker explains how he has to have a document from me by tomorrow that isn't due for him for another week and a half. I think to myself as he leaves the room "What a dickhead." or I attend church with my wife to be supportive and one Sunday morning it was really hot outside. I am thinking how fun it would be to exclaim to other the other church goers as we approach the church "Jesus fucking christ it's hot! We sure as hell had better be good little christians because I don't want to have to endure this for eternity!" I never used to think like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 My inner AND external dialogue was very harsh during my deconversion. My inner dialogue still is since I am quite cynical now...and I find people to be incomprehensible at times. My external dialogue had to be, unfortunately, filtered after some time. I like friends and my parents and my girlfriend and rants and religious-bashing are not always acceptable. It's why I love my counselor. Remove filter, wash it out, re-install. Good for another few months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 If I didn't know any better, I'd say 'GraphicsGuy' IS my inner-voice and is posting on Ex-C without me knowing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Post deleted by online censor of profanity and blasphemy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 If I didn't know any better, I'd say 'GraphicsGuy' IS my inner-voice and is posting on Ex-C without me knowing. I hide our your split-personality medication among the cleaning supplies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I have always tried to stay true to myself. Never had much of a filter. I've had to slowly install one over the years, as my political incorrectness and blunt honesty has gotten me kicked out of many churches. Out of respect for my friends and family, though, I've had to learn to bite this tongue of mine. Since deconverting, I've felt less guilty and have no shame about my inner dialogue, although for the sake of keeping good company around me, I still gotta run thoughts through the filter before I let it flow out the mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 If I didn't know any better, I'd say 'GraphicsGuy' IS my inner-voice and is posting on Ex-C without me knowing.I hide our your split-personality medication among the cleaning supplies. That explains why my last dose tasted like Simple Green. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Yes. Actually, I've always thought this way, I just used to implement a "thought filter" because you-know-who was listening to my thoughts. Now IDGAF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Jeff Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Fuck, yes! I can remember the religious days of feeling bad about laughing at a dirty joke. I thought that was sinful. Now I laugh at dirty jokes all the time and say "goddammit" regularly and think nothing of it. And fuck, shit, pussy, cock, asshole, motherfucker, and other profane words as the Spook of Kryasst who is also somehow magically Him magically gives me utterance. Or would that be the Talking Snake magically causing me to utter such words? It's wonderful to be FREE! Glory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bedouin Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Actually LWA, I'm impressed that you have the ability to even go to church. I can't see myself being that supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Actually LWA, I'm impressed that you have the ability to even go to church. I can't see myself being that supportive. No kidding. My SO was never religious, so Christmas and Easter are just "nice times" for her and she likes the music and themes. I attended a "Singing Christmas Tree" evening with her a couple of years ago and, of course, they got preachy - she even admitted that it was too much - and I got pissed off. When this past Easter rolled around she said she was offered tickets to one of the local pageants. She asked if I wanted to go. I said, "I love you, but hell no. Remember the last one we went to?" There is no way I could possibly handle any kind of regular attendance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LongWayAround Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Actually LWA, I'm impressed that you have the ability to even go to church. I can't see myself being that supportive. I not sure it's anything to be impressed about. Religion is really important to my wife. When I realized I no longer believed, I decided before I told her that I would continue to go to church with her to lessen the blow of my deconversion. I still believe that was the right decision. I do hope the day comes when she deconverts or religion becomes less important to her so that I no longer feel like I need to go. I have to say though, church is a surreal experience for me now. It is really weird to be among hundreds of people and know that you are one of the few that is living in reality. It is like something out of a Twilight Zone episode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bedouin Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I remember about 10 years ago, before I identified myself as atheist, I attended a church service with my ex-wife. I was extremely uncomfortable, wanted so badly to announce to the whole congregation, in the middle of the sermon, that it was all BS. Now I'm wondering what it would be like to try and sit through a service, given that I'm far more educated, and outspoken, than I was then. Twilight Zone, indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traveller2 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I wouldn't say the dialogue has changed as it was often there but the "presence" of god lol has gone and I am no longer trying to press my true self down all the time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I watched my mouth when my kids were young. Now that they're young adults, I can talk normally again, and so can they, but none of us overdo it. I just thought that little kids saying "fuck" is sad. My dad used to say that he only swore a few times a year because that way, people listened! He said if you swear all the time, it doesn't mean anything any more. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casey Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I watched my mouth when my kids were young. Now that they're young adults, I can talk normally again, and so can they, but none of us overdo it. I just thought that little kids saying "fuck" is sad. My dad used to say that he only swore a few times a year because that way, people listened! He said if you swear all the time, it doesn't mean anything any more. Your dad was absolutely correct, I've known one or two Australian Army Warrant Officers who would tell you exactly the same thing, and they practised what they preached. They also, in common with their US counterparts, knew a greater variety of colourful language than most people ever will, so I took heed when and whereof they spoke. The constant use of profanity also bespeaks an ignorant, ill educated or intellectually lazy person who either can't be bothered to curb his tongue, or (and this is, sadly, becoming more and more common in recent times), truly does not know any better way of expressing himself. Casey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonTheDruid Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Yes, but I don't swear much at all around family outta respect, only with people who are comfortable swearing as well. But when I'm by myself or in my head, fuck yeah. Fuck's become my new favourite word thanks to how versatile it is I also love forms of 'goddammit' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheOutsider Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I watched my mouth when my kids were young. Now that they're young adults, I can talk normally again, and so can they, but none of us overdo it. I just thought that little kids saying "fuck" is sad. My dad used to say that he only swore a few times a year because that way, people listened! He said if you swear all the time, it doesn't mean anything any more. Your dad was absolutely correct, I've known one or two Australian Army Warrant Officers who would tell you exactly the same thing, and they practised what they preached. They also, in common with their US counterparts, knew a greater variety of colourful language than most people ever will, so I took heed when and whereof they spoke. The constant use of profanity also bespeaks an ignorant, ill educated or intellectually lazy person who either can't be bothered to curb his tongue, or (and this is, sadly, becoming more and more common in recent times), truly does not know any better way of expressing himself. Casey For the first bit, yes, the less you use profanity the more impact it has when you do use it, so long as everyone in earshot knows your use of profanity is a rare thing. The latter however, while it may apply in some, if not a lot of cases, it's hardly enough to judge someones educational status reliably. That has been a point I've heard almost all my life, and I can't find any reason to believe it. Sure, stupid people swear, so do smart people. Sometimes it's fun. https://youtu.be/b8AX7QN68bw A sequel. I can't say he isn't an exception to the rule, but I find the rule to be less than useful. As for the OP, you fuckin' bet it has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsathoggua Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I have noticed this phenomenon, as well. For a long time, I pretty much never swore at all. Now, I find myself doing it inwardly quite often. I will let out a damn or a hell from time to time. I won't call a woman a bitch, but I was joking with one of my male friends the other day, and called him a "whiny little bitch" when he was complaining too much about something. He thought it was funny! I think people do seem a bit juvenile and low-class when they do it so often that it seems that they can't form a complete sentence without swearing -- that is a bit much! But occasional use is fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogueScholar Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I've found I've experienced marked shifts in my life philosophy over the past few years. My inner dialogue, now that I feel more aware of it is often quite introspective and self reflecting. When I really focus inward, I often experience emotions and thoughts that bring me to tears. Not sad or happy but just a complex flow of thoughts. I do find that "coarse" language is a helpful tool for attempting to externally articulate complex or intense emotions but it isn't necessarily used in a negative or pejorative manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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