EyesOpened Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I find myself pondering how I would have lived life differently if i would have accepted Xtianity as a fraud earlier in my life. To the day I am still angry at what Xtianity has robbed from me in this life. I would have spent a lot of more time with my loved ones that are now gone. The mind set that "they are in a better place and one day I will be with them again" is so corrosive to life. It is almost like it gives people an excuse to put off relationships with their families and loved ones. I try to live my life in the present now and also keep in touch with family a lot more than i use to. It is just a shame i didn't come to this realization until after my mom passed. She was my first death after I started my deconversion process and the hardest. I still wake up somedays and kick myself for not being more involved in her life, but now it is too late. There is no life after this and I will not make that mistake again on the ones I love. Who was the first death you had to deal with in your deconversion process? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 For me the anger was a stage. I came to accept what I lost and my own role in joining that religion. That helped me get over the anger. As for death I lost my last grandmother as an atheist. Dealing with death is never easy but being atheist made it less difficult than dealing with the loss of my last grandfather when I was a Christian. Trying to deceive yourself into thinking that death is a wonderful promotion, that you will be reunited with them forever and that you should celebrate this separation is so awful. That plus my Christian relatives turned the funeral into a Christian spectacle and recruitment drive. It does annoy me how Christianity uses tragic events as opportunities to promote the religion; like vultures. So vile. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yunea Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I ponder a lot about that too. I'm angry that my health could be so much better now if I hadn't just believed that Jesus will fix me (or has fixed me) and let myself get worse for so many years. Plus all that time spent thinking I would one day "be" something God wants me to be, and my own tries "done in my own power" are worthless and doomed to fail anyway...right. Who was the first death you had to deal with in your deconversion process? Only pets so far. Still, some of the more precious ones passing away has brought back memories of my brother passing three years ago. At the time I already was my most depressed from burnout, and I'd also felt the call again a few months earlier and was diving back into religion headfirst (whew, burnout does strange things to you). And then he passed, and... I shudder to think of all those ways that I tried to figure out what his death meant and why it happened exactly then, as in, a "deeper" meaning to it, trying to rejoice that he was finally "free" while my heart was screaming for him to come back from death. The pets dying has been so much more pure in just the sadness. God isn't using them to change me or anything, they just died. I'm definitely taking my own life more seriously now and doing what I can to improve it. So far it's paying off, not appearing "worthless and futile and doomed to fail" at all, as long as I focus on what I want and what I am doing about it. If only I'd figured this out earlier, I could have a well-paying job now and actually own something else than a 17 year old car, some furniture, laptops and pets in a co-rented apartment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yeah, I just lost my grandmother the week before last. It was my very first loss as an atheist and it was so painful. The sadness and grief were so pure and so deep that I didn't know what to do. I had never felt sadness to that degree before. However, I do feel like I'm healing faster than I would have as a Christian. I look at life differently. I look at morality differently. I feel more responsibility to right my wrongs against people, instead of doing NOTHING and being all like, well Gawd forgives me so its all good. I feel a deeper sense of responsibility for suffering humanity now. I have an even greater desire to help, and a compulsive urge to fill a need on the spot, rather than just pray for them. All in all, I think I am a better person all around now that I've walked away from religion. I feel healthier. Even my grief feels more healthy now. But am I angry at religion? No. I am not angry at religion or Christianity itself. I was angry at specific Christians who hurt me in the past, but I've let it go. All the things that have happened to me up to this point has led me to who I am today. I like who I am today. So I regret nothing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 My grandmother died right in front of me when I was 4. My grandfather and dad were supporting her, trying to get her to walk to the car parked in front of the house and she slumped over and was gone. My parents were agnostic, so I knew she had died and I knew I'd never see her again. Since my parents accepted that as normal, so did I. Lots of my relatives died in the next few years; I had an old, ill family. I counted once and I went to 11 funerals between the ages of 4 and 9 (and only one wedding -- definitely old and ill family!). At the after-funeral parties, my entire family (smaller each time!), was really cool about it. I never heard things like "They've gone to a better place." I remember lots of "You never know when it'll be your time," and "don't put off things for another day, enjoy your life now." My grandparents have all been dead for decades, both my parents have died quite a while ago, most of my aunts and uncles are dead, and some cousins. When my mom died when I was 18, my dad, sister, and I were sitting in the hospital right after, recalling memories of her, and in a lull in the conversation, my sister said, "I guess that's what life is -- memories." We silently agreed, and nodded. Therefore, I am a proponent of enjoying today and making good memories. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Daaaaaaamn Amateur! That's some deep stuff. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesco Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 it's your past nothing you could do to change it anyway just focus to the future and glad that you have changed let it go let it goooo the chirst never bother me anyway 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I try to do that Francesco. My problem is i am with someone who is still deeply rooted into Christianity. Everywhere i look in my house are little Christian plaques like one says "Pray" and other ones. It eats at me and i see them in every room. I feel literally trapped. Even when i was a "Christian" i always thought advertising it was pretty cheesy. Now it is much worse than that, all of these religious plaques are a constant reminder of the lie that was fed to me and it is insult to injury. Could i ask my wife to take them down? Sure, but that would cause an even further problem. Sometimes I ask myself if it is even worth it. Deconverting makes more of a life change than some people realize. Now i see why some people stay in the lie. It is easier for them to do that than to start all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesco Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 if church no longer bother you anyway then no need to pay attention to the cross, pray, bible verse etc treat them like giant billboard in highway you use everyday to work, first or second time you still read it, few more times you won't even bothered by "those activities" near you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Lots of my relatives died in the next few years; I had an old, ill family. I counted once and I went to 11 funerals between the ages of 4 and 9 (and only one wedding -- definitely old and ill family!). At the after-funeral parties, my entire family (smaller each time!), was really cool about it. I never heard things like "They've gone to a better place." I remember lots of "You never know when it'll be your time," and "don't put off things for another day, enjoy your life now." I took the above for granted for most of my life because all of those deaths and funerals happened when I was so young, and my parent's and family's responses were so sensible and non-religious. Yes, there was crying and mourning and grieving, but it seems like it was a normal, healthy amount, not prolonged, and never worry over where someone's soul went. I never remember anything religious about heaven or hell or afterlife brought up; I simply don't remember that ever being in conversations. People being old and sick and dying were just normal things in my childhood, and I was well aware that I was ultimately heading to be old and sick and dying someday, too. After reading so many things here on this site, and realizing how bad some children (some of you) have it in overly-xian homes, I'm glad I'm the one that got stuck with the old, ill family and lots of funerals at a young age. Going through the exact same situation, but with fundy parents and family instead of my agnostic, laid-back, memory-loving family, would have destroyed my psyche, I am so sure, and it would have made me a very different type of person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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