If I Was Jesus....

[midniterider]

1. I would make many appearances on tv, radio and in person in large stadiums as well as one on one. People could see me, touch me, etc.

 

2. I'd declare the bible a crock of shit and ask my peeps to throw it away.

 

3. I would declare tithing and giving money to churches to be unneeded.

 

4. I would request people treat each other well and that nothing is really a sin if it doesn't cause someone else harm. Using my name in vain would not be a sin.

 

5. I would not care if my creations didn't love me. I'd still offer them their own personal version of heaven if that's what they wanted, or permadeath or whatever. Even people who really really hated me, I'd still offer them some eternal pleasure just to piss them off.

 

6. It would be fun to pop in on pastors as they start lying to their flock and set the flock straight.

 

7. My central message would be #4 in this list. Be good to each other and, oh yeah, I'm not solving your problems for you. I might remove large scale weapons of mass destruction, nukes, biowarfare, etc.

 

8. I'm sure my new way of relating to people would cause many new problems. But oh well.

[Fweethawt]

Then there's number 9. ...

 

9. Thread never started because you don't exist.

[amateur]

Just the fact that people can come up with better ways than god did of revealing himself and making his needs known to his people takes away god's omni-omni's.

 

And if your new way of relating to people caused new problems, I bet you would do something to solve them, wouldn't you?  I bet you wouldn't just let people fight and kill each other because they heard your words in different ways.

 

You are much more benevolent than biblegod.

[Jeff]

I'd speak Spanish.

Notice how kids named Muhammad gets folks all nervous but all the Jesus's in South America just seem to float right past?

Sorry. Off topic. :/

[mymistake]

No legitimate reason for hell.  There would be no hell.

[SCM]

Just the fact that people can come up with better ways than god did of revealing himself and making his needs known to his people takes away god's omni-omni's.

This so much. to be honest its not hard to beat god/jesus's score. if i knew i was going to be absent for most of humanity's existance, i would bare minimum leave some very explicit rules saying "don't go to war in my name". there, one sentence and i can do better.

 

midniterider I think you would make an excellent jesus.

[mwc]

     If I were jesus I would sell ab exercise videos and make a shit ton of money.  I'd then use that money on perfumed-hair foot rubs.  Like a boss!

 

          mwc

[midniterider]

No legitimate reason for hell.  There would be no hell.

 

I agree.

 

Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?

 

How about leaving Jesus out of ordinary conversations?

 

For example:

 

Bill: Hey Hank, you got the 3/16ths socket over there?

 

Hank: You know, Bill, Jesus used tools. He was a carpenter.

 

Bill: (Oh fuck, here we go again)...

[Travi]

 

No legitimate reason for hell.  There would be no hell.

 

I agree.

 

Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?

 

How about leaving Jesus out of ordinary conversations?

 

For example:

 

Bill: Hey Hank, you got the 3/16ths socket over there?

 

Hank: You know, Bill, Jesus used tools. He was a carpenter.

 

Bill: (Oh fuck, here we go again)...

 

Is it bad that I read that in the voices of Bill and Hank from "King of the Hill?" I was waiting for Boonhower to step in: Manthatjesusguyisgreatandallbutijustdontunderstandwhyitssodifficultforhimtojustpopup know what I'm sayin?

 

Off topic, sorry.

[midniterider]

 

 

No legitimate reason for hell.  There would be no hell.

 

I agree.

 

Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?

 

How about leaving Jesus out of ordinary conversations?

 

For example:

 

Bill: Hey Hank, you got the 3/16ths socket over there?

 

Hank: You know, Bill, Jesus used tools. He was a carpenter.

 

Bill: (Oh fuck, here we go again)...

 

Is it bad that I read that in the voices of Bill and Hank from "King of the Hill?" I was waiting for Boonhower to step in: Manthatjesusguyisgreatandallbutijustdontunderstandwhyitssodifficultforhimtojustpopup know what I'm sayin?

 

Off topic, sorry.

 

 

Damn, I thought I was being original. Guess not. lol.

[LongWayAround]

If I was jesus, I would use my own name in vain after I hit my thumb with a hammer then watch the universe implode...

[disillusioned]

I'd be pretty pissed at my dad. Jerk had to torture and kill me to get over his anger issues.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

6. It would be fun to pop in on pastors as they start lying to their flock and set the flock straight.

 

To add on to that, whenever some Catholic priest decides to get a little too friendly with the altar boy, you could pop in out of nowhere and be like, "What the fuck you doing?!"

 

The priest's eyes would probably open wide as he says, "Jesus! It's you! This isn't what you think..."

 

The best response to that would probably be, "Of course it's what it looks like! You can't lie to me because I know everything, remember? You're just far too sexually repressed by this bullshit religion that your in and it's fucking up your head."

 

The solution would then probably be to teleport him away to some fantasy island where he gets to experience all of that healthy, grown-up sex he's been missing his entire life because of being afraid of it, as well as lots of alcohol to take down that religious barrier. Then, all of the priest's problems could be solved before the poor kid developed problems of his own.

[ironhorse]

"Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?"

 

~midniterider

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game, but I agree...please more ideas.

 

I would like to hear it.

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

[bornagainathiest]

"Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?"

 

~midniterider

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game, but I agree...please more ideas.

 

I would like to hear it.

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

 

And we would like to hear answers from you that don't rely on faith, IH.

[midniterider]

"Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?"

 

~midniterider

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game, but I agree...please more ideas.

 

I would like to hear it.

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

 

A great start would be to appear in person and be available at all times.

[duderonomy]

"Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?"

 

~midniterider

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game, but I agree...please more ideas.

 

I would like to hear it.

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

 

That's what they were doing, jackwagon.  Are you trying to be relevant or something by giving your blessing to them to continue?

[Guest Furball]

 

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

 

I never would have put the tree in the garden in the first place, therefore nothing would need to be set right. Problem solved.

[Guest Furball]

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game,

 

 

 

Nobody is playing a what if game but you. Your posts are along the lines of pascals wager. Please educate yourself on your own man made religion.

 

The Rejection of Pascal's Wager: Central Thesis

[midniterider]

 

"Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?"

 

~midniterider

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game, but I agree...please more ideas.

 

I would like to hear it.

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

 

That's what they were doing, jackwagon.  Are you trying to be relevant or something by giving your blessing to them to continue?

 

 

I believe IH's angle is that God exists but because he created rotten people there will still be problems on earth. I could be wrong though. Couldn't an all-knowing God create a utopia?

[bornagainathiest]

 

 

"Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?"

 

~midniterider

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game, but I agree...please more ideas.

 

I would like to hear it.

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

 

That's what they were doing, jackwagon.  Are you trying to be relevant or something by giving your blessing to them to continue?

 

 

I believe IH's angle is that God exists but because he created rotten people there will still be problems on earth. I could be wrong though. Couldn't an all-knowing God create a utopia?

 

 

Yes indeed, Rider.  He could have created a utopia, just like that!  (Snaps fingers.)

 

Here's how.

 

Since God is eternal, he's always known who will be saved and who will be damned.

He knew this before he created heaven and the physical universe.  (Using the word, 'before' somewhat loosely.)

So, instead of creating ALL of the angels and EVERY human being, he should have created ONLY those angels and humans he foreknew would want to be with him.

This is the perfect utopia.

 

Satan, the fallen angels and every human who doesn't want to be with god in heaven... never exist.

They remain unexpressed thoughts in the eternal mind of god.

A mind which knows good and evil, but which only ever does the good.  

Genesis 3 : 22  And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil."

 

In this utopia, god doesn't have to express the potential for evil in his mind by actually creating anything that will become evil.

Nor does he have to honor the free choices of the damned by sending them to hell for all eternity.

A non-existent person (angel or human) cannot have their free will violated.

Only a living, existing person with free will can have their free will violated.

 

In this utopia, everyone who exists gets exactly what god foreknew they would have chosen anyway - to be with him forever.

In this utopia, god only creates things which are good and which stay good... forever.

In this utopia, no human or angel ever does anything other than that which is good.

In this utopia, there's no need for an eternal hell where humans and angels suffer endless torment.

.

.

.

So why didn't Biblegod do this?  

 

Thanks,

 

BAA.

[Justus]

And then there is no 10

 

10. Justus posts preventing the souls of the posters from falling through the threads of the the space/time continuum and being lost in perpetuity to the abyss.

 

 

Wait a second folks, it looks like Justus is going back and deleting his post, that sorry bastard,  O dear LORD and wrestling fans  what can be said but the "O the Humanity"  but wait folks

whose to running into the ring, is it?  YES it is, it's the Night Stealer and he's got Justus in the middle of the ring and it looks like he asking him if he tried deleting his post, and Justus is shaking his head no,

and now Justus is down on his kneels still shaking his head as if he didnt'  "YEAH HE DID WE SEEN HIM!"  the fans are screaming as Justus continues to begging for mercy from the Night Stealer. but wait

O, Justus just delivers a low blow sending the Night Stealer to the canvas, O, the brutality as stomps on the Night Stealers head  before leaving the out the ring.  But wait the fans are chanting Psalms 119:89, Psalms 119:89

[bornagainathiest]

Ok Justus,

 

Just as you've stated.  

 

"There is no 10"

.

.

.

10. Justus posts preventing the souls of the posters from falling through the threads of the the space/time continuum and being lost in perpetuity to the abyss.

 

 

Wait a second folks, it looks like Justus is going back and deleting his post, that sorry bastard,  O dear LORD and wrestling fans  what can be said but the "O the Humanity"  but wait folks

whose to running into the ring, is it?  YES it is, it's the Night Stealer and he's got Justus in the middle of the ring and it looks like he asking him if he tried deleting his post, and Justus is shaking his head no,

and now Justus is down on his kneels still shaking his head as if he didnt'  "YEAH HE DID WE SEEN HIM!"  the fans are screaming as Justus continues to begging for mercy from the Night Stealer. but wait

O, Justus just delivers a low blow sending the Night Stealer to the canvas, O, the brutality as stomps on the Night Stealers head  before leaving the out the ring.  But wait the fans are chanting Psalms 119:89, Psalms 119:89

.

.

.

There!

 

# 10 no longer exists.

 

[Justus]

 

 

 

"Since Christianity is only in the mind anyway I think we can all come up with something better than the current version that has claimed the sanity of its adherents. Any more ideas ?"

 

~midniterider

 

 

You guys are playing this "What if.." game, but I agree...please more ideas.

 

I would like to hear it.

 

Please do post how you would deal (if you were Jesus) with humans, pain, suffering, evil, death, and how you would set things right.

 

That's what they were doing, jackwagon.  Are you trying to be relevant or something by giving your blessing to them to continue?

 

 

I believe IH's angle is that God exists but because he created rotten people there will still be problems on earth. I could be wrong though. Couldn't an all-knowing God create a utopia?

 

 

Yes indeed, Rider.  He could have created a utopia, just like that!  (Snaps fingers.)

 

Here's how.

 

Since God is eternal, he's always known who will be saved and who will be damned.

 

WRONG.  John 5:26

 For as the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself;

 

The Holy Ghost was born of the Eternal, but by departing the Eternal Nature he is him in 1 Tim 6:16

 Who only hath immortality, dwelling in the light which no man can approach unto; whom no man hath seen, nor can see: to whom be honour and power everlasting. Amen.

 

 

 

He knew this before he created heaven and the physical universe.  (Using the word, 'before' somewhat loosely.)

 

 Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: Col 1:15

 

 

So, instead of creating ALL of the angels and EVERY human being, he should have created ONLY those angels and humans he foreknew would want to be with him.

This is the perfect utopia.

 

Satan, the fallen angels and every human who doesn't want to be with god in heaven... never exist.

They remain unexpressed thoughts in the eternal mind of god.

A mind which knows good and evil, but which only ever does the good.  

Genesis 3 : 22  And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil."

 

In this utopia, god doesn't have to express the potential for evil in his mind by actually creating anything that will become evil.

Nor does he have to honor the free choices of the damned by sending them to hell for all eternity.

A non-existent person (angel or human) cannot have their free will violated.

Only a living, existing person with free will can have their free will violated.

 

In this utopia, everyone who exists gets exactly what god foreknew they would have chosen anyway - to be with him forever.

In this utopia, god only creates things which are good and which stay good... forever.

In this utopia, no human or angel ever does anything other than that which is good.

In this utopia, there's no need for an eternal hell where humans and angels suffer endless torment.

.

.

.

So why didn't Biblegod do this?  

 

Thanks,

 

BAA.

 

No wonder you're view is skewed. 

[Justus]

Ok Justus,

 

Just as you've stated.  

 

"There is no 10"

.

.

.

10. Justus posts preventing the souls of the posters from falling through the threads of the the space/time continuum and being lost in perpetuity to the abyss.

 

 

Wait a second folks, it looks like Justus is going back and deleting his post, that sorry bastard,  O dear LORD and wrestling fans  what can be said but the "O the Humanity"  but wait folks

whose to running into the ring, is it?  YES it is, it's the Night Stealer and he's got Justus in the middle of the ring and it looks like he asking him if he tried deleting his post, and Justus is shaking his head no,

and now Justus is down on his kneels still shaking his head as if he didnt'  "YEAH HE DID WE SEEN HIM!"  the fans are screaming as Justus continues to begging for mercy from the Night Stealer. but wait

O, Justus just delivers a low blow sending the Night Stealer to the canvas, O, the brutality as stomps on the Night Stealers head  before leaving the out the ring.  But wait the fans are chanting Psalms 119:89, Psalms 119:89

.

.

.

There!

 

# 10 no longer exists.

 

To late Justus already left the building..