I've Always Known But It's Unacceptable in My Country

[Enlightenednow]

Hello everyone. I just decided to give up my beliefs 2 days ago but I've always felt something's off with Christianity. I was raised as a Catholic, being a Filipino, it's the religion of most people here in the Philippines. After I've graduated from Grade School, I was 13, my parents decided to become Baptists. So we we're born again. That was their term. And I thought that was the right thing to do because Catholicism has a lot of morale issues. So i was enlightened (or so I thought). Idolatry is something that Baptists don't do. Worshipping saints and Mother Mary, praying the rosary, kneeling down before wooden sculptures of Jesus or the saints are all forms of idolatry and I was glad I was enlightened. After a few years of going to church, I got depressed. I felt I was never good enough for God. Cause our pastor said God always answers prayers of deserving Christians. So when mine weren't answered, I thought I've always dissapointed God. I got raped when I was 15 and got pregnant. (I'm 36 now with 3 kids) Again, I blamed myself for not being a good enough Christian. I thought God was punishing me or letting the Devil do its works because I wasn't pleasing God enough to protect me. I didn't tell my parents right away. After 5 mos, they found out and they didn't do anything to punish the guy. They said, "let God punish him." So fast forward, I let my religion rule my life. When I decide on something I always think if I would please God or Jesus. But being depressed is something I can't get rid off. When something bad happens to me or my love ones, I always blame myself. Maybe I'm not giving enough tithes, maybe I should join more ministries, maybe I should serve God more. And then last Holy Week,  "Passion Of The Christ" was on HBO. I realized the story was so stupid. I'm a writer myself and for me the plot was just so plain stupid. Why would people punish someone just because he's saying he's the Messiah? Why would they let a criminal free and punish someone like Jesus instead? Why were they taking it too personally? So I've researched about it, about His desciples and so on. My conclusion is, the Bible is fictional. All of it. After that, I've gone to church still every Sunday, but I wasn't feeling it anymore. Gladly, my depression never came back. I've never felt freer than in my life. I'm a lot happier and loving life. I appreciate myself more. My career is better, my relationships have never been better. But not until 2 days ago, have I decided to completely forget my former beliefs and accept that this is who I am now. And whatever it is that I believe now, it just feels right. It's kinda scary but I'm happier, and that's what's important. In my country, people will judge or even condemn you if you don't believe in the Bible or even Qoran. It's either you're Christian or Muslim if you're from the South part of the country. So this is my own little secret. And now I'm sharing this to all of you. Tomorrow we will all go to church. And I will be smiling while they are crying, begging God to forgive them.

[DanForsman]

Congratulations Enlightened! Everything is so much saner and simpler when you admit to yourself that the bible and all other holy books are the constructs of fallible barely civilized men and answers to your real life problems of today are best resolved by your own reason and applicable secular sources. I'm very happy that you will be available to deprogram your children if/when needed and to provide a safe place for them to get honest answers for whatever questions or concerns they may have regarding their religious upbringing (indoctrination?). I used to feel that religion wasn't that bad but almost anywhere you look (patriarchy for example) you will see the detrimental things they have done to our civilization our children and ourselves. Being honest and straightforward, dropping the double standard and the fact rearranging required to placate our cognitive dissonance, are so freeing as you have already seen for yourself. Your on solid ground now and free to move forward in whatever directions seem best and discovering just how capable and special you really are. Sorry that you will have to deal with a familial and social environment so hostile to simple honesty. I guess you can take some comfort in the fact that you were able to free yourself. Certainly there are a few others like yourself that hopefully you will be able to link up with possibly through Google searches. Best of luck and thanks for sharing with us!   

[Enlightenednow]

2 hours ago, DanForsman said:

Congratulations Enlightened! Everything is so much saner and simpler when you admit to yourself that the bible and all other holy books are the constructs of fallible barely civilized men and answers to your real life problems of today are best resolved by your own reason and applicable secular sources. I'm very happy that you will be available to deprogram your children if/when needed and to provide a safe place for them to get honest answers for whatever questions or concerns they may have regarding their religious upbringing (indoctrination?). I used to feel that religion wasn't that bad but almost anywhere you look (patriarchy for example) you will see the detrimental things they have done to our civilization our children and ourselves. Being honest and straightforward, dropping the double standard and the fact rearranging required to placate our cognitive dissonance, are so freeing as you have already seen for yourself. Your on solid ground now and free to move forward in whatever directions seem best and discovering just how capable and special you really are. Sorry that you will have to deal with a familial and social environment so hostile to simple honesty. I guess you can take some comfort in the fact that you were able to free yourself. Certainly there are a few others like yourself that hopefully you will be able to link up with possibly through Google searches. Best of luck and thanks for sharing with us!   

Hello Dansforman. As i am typing this we're actually on our way to church. It will be difficult to tell this to my family. They will be heartbroken. But I'm confident i will have my own perfect timing. (Omg. I almost typed in God's perfect timing. Lol.) Thank you. I've actually read some people's posts here and I gained a bit of confidence. I'm looking forward to reading more. English is actually my 2nd language and it's kinda hard to express myself here but I think most people here understand what I'm going through. I'm glad I've found this site. Thanks!

[DanForsman]

Yes in god's perfect timing...for sure Enlightened! I am so sorry that you were raped and especially that your parents were unable to have a more loving protective response and, horrors, that you wound up pregnant. I'm sure that you still carry scars from that dehumanizing experience for the rest of your life. While the patriarchy Catholicism and the other Abrahamic religions promote may not be directly responsible for the abuse and victimization of girls and women it has in my opinion provided the fertile ground for despicable acts of this sort to be so common place world wide as they are to this day. If you have daughters I hope you will be able to forewarn them of the dangers they face being female in a world that has such a tendency to look the other way and even blame the victim. I am pleased to meet you and so glad you have come to our site to share your experiences. Your courage is truly amazing and inspirational.   

[Enlightenednow]

You nailed it DanForsman. I think my parents were too embarrassed to even admit that I was raped. They even convinced me to marry that guy. He actually asked for my hand and told my parents he's willing to marry me. It was absurd. Now that I am a mom, I can't imagine doing the same thing to my daughter. I'll protect her with my life. Society always blames the victims, you are correct. I thought this is only happening here in my country. Thank you so much and I'm pleased to meet you too.

[Guest]

Congratulations Enlightened on leaving the woo woo of Christianity behind! You are clearly able to put your rational thinking skills and reason to use in this arena. What a terrible experience with the rape and the way your parents treated that issue. It sounds like you were able to put it behind you in spite of it all, you're obviously a very strong woman. I also do some sitting in the church bench infrequently but with a tranquil and peaceful mind instead of inner turmoil, and that if anything has made me realize Christianity has lost its hold on me. Welcome and stick around here a bit longer, its a good place to be.

[Enlightenednow]

1 hour ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

Congratulations Enlightened on leaving the woo woo of Christianity behind! You are clearly able to put your rational thinking skills and reason to use in this arena. What a terrible experience with the rape and the way your parents treated that issue. It sounds like you were able to put it behind you in spite of it all, you're obviously a very strong woman. I also do some sitting in the church bench infrequently but with a tranquil and peaceful mind instead of inner turmoil, and that if anything has made me realize Christianity has lost its hold on me. Welcome and stick around here a bit longer, its a good place to be.

We're pretty much the same. When I go to church now, I just sit there and observe. And I look at the people there in a different light. I somehow feel sorry for them. Before, I can say I notice all the flaws, like if the pastor really cares, if they are just putting a show to get money from people, if who prays the hardest, if I am praying right, if God is pleased with me, with us..etc. You know what, in my church, there's a part within the service when someone would go to the stage and shout, "Are you ready to be blessed? Do you believe that God will multiply what you'll give to His church? Are you ready for the abundance that only Jesus can give? Well then if you are, I want you to raise your envelopes with your tithes and pray with me!" (Drum rolling, choir singing, organ playing in the background) Now I can't even start to think how I'd put up with something like that for years. I felt something was really wrong but I can't pinpoint what it was. They always encourage us to invite friends and family "to save more souls", but even I was embarrassed to invite my friends. Even my son who's a teenager felt it was off. Though he's still a Christian and still very active in church. Do you guys also feel that it's like we've been fooled all our lives and that we wasted too much time and effort into something so outrageously stupid? And it was right there in our face but we didn't see it or more of refused to see it? Now I find it funny. It was like being in a cult. Thanks truthseeker for welcoming me.?

[Guest]

Yes exactly. My church  culture was a lot more reserved, just the pastor up there telling you how it is and what you should believe, but of course the message is the same or a variation on the same theme. I feel incredibly sorry for those who are still stuck in it and are doing themselves more harm then good psychologically. Nobody deserves to go through life feeling like they're shit at their core and don't deserve anything. If you learn to look at yourself in a new light, that you have an inner child that's been pretty damaged by all that crap, than you can also learn how to heal that inner child and just give it some compassion, because it wasn't your fault.

I've been embarrassed my whole life to tell anyone about my religion let alone invite them to church or tell them they should also be believers. Somewhere, deep down, there was a lot of disquiet about it, and the message to just believe it and not use reason (a sin) didn't go completely through. Regret? Hell yes, there is a lot of regret and time wasted, opportunities lost. But it's better not to dwell on them, I can't get it back. If I'm lucky, there's still a good many year to put this behind me and make a good life.

[LogicalFallacy]

Hi Enlightened, welcome to Ex-C! Glad you found us and can be among like minds as an outlet since it appears you are rather isolated in real life (Like many of us)

 

On ‎23‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 0:41 AM, Enlightenednow said:

I didn't tell my parents right away. After 5 mos, they found out and they didn't do anything to punish the guy. They said, "let God punish him."

 

This is why some of us refer to religion as a virus. As Christopher Hitchens said "Religion poisons everything. It infects us in our most basic integrity"

 

On ‎23‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 0:41 AM, Enlightenednow said:

My conclusion is, the Bible is fictional. All of it.

 

Pretty much. Even the 'historical' events are blown up so much its hard to extract the kernals of reality from it.

 

On ‎23‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 0:41 AM, Enlightenednow said:

It's either you're Christian or Muslim if you're from the South part of the country.

 

Proving once again that religion is largely based on your parents and locality.

 

On ‎23‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 0:41 AM, Enlightenednow said:

So this is my own little secret. And now I'm sharing this to all of you.

 

Thanks for sharing!

[Enlightenednow]

Hello LF. Thanks! Religion really affects us psychologically. It makes people blind and make us more inhumane but in ways so subtle we won't even notice. About the bible, it's impossible to believe it if you're gonna read or study it academically, which i haven't done before. Thank you for making me feel I'm not alone. ☺

[DarkFlash]

On 7/23/2017 at 10:05 AM, Enlightenednow said:

We're pretty much the same. When I go to church now, I just sit there and observe. And I look at the people there in a different light. I somehow feel sorry for them. Before, I can say I notice all the flaws, like if the pastor really cares, if they are just putting a show to get money from people, if who prays the hardest, if I am praying right, if God is pleased with me, with us..etc. You know what, in my church, there's a part within the service when someone would go to the stage and shout, "Are you ready to be blessed? Do you believe that God will multiply what you'll give to His church? Are you ready for the abundance that only Jesus can give? Well then if you are, I want you to raise your envelopes with your tithes and pray with me!" (Drum rolling, choir singing, organ playing in the background) Now I can't even start to think how I'd put up with something like that for years. I felt something was really wrong but I can't pinpoint what it was. They always encourage us to invite friends and family "to save more souls", but even I was embarrassed to invite my friends. Even my son who's a teenager felt it was off. Though he's still a Christian and still very active in church. Do you guys also feel that it's like we've been fooled all our lives and that we wasted too much time and effort into something so outrageously stupid? And it was right there in our face but we didn't see it or more of refused to see it? Now I find it funny. It was like being in a cult. Thanks truthseeker for welcoming me.?

 

Mmm. .yes, I agree. The drums blaring throughout the building, people shouting with praise breaks eventually making themselves known as they'd call the 'anointing' or 'the spirit of Christ' flowing within them all. As of late from the time I arrived here up to now did I take a hiatus of my own to really, really study on the religious faith, each flaw in which I soon saw for myself, were plentiful and easily do they continue to grow. I visit this topic related to where I came from still and it never fails on what's found. On March of this year was I able to realize for myself that it was indeed time to go and yes, i'd be a liar to say things were just. .of relative ease. To escape the mental duels of seeing hell, God's return from the heavens, certain shows I couldn't watch, no longer giving my tithes and offering and most of all not attending church. Blow after blow were these thoughts taking toll emotionally and easily without fail, so I began to look into my faith. YouTube, I must say, began to assist strongly as the pivotal role toward soon opening 'the gates of thanksgiving' so to speak and most of all wiki pages on unraveling what i'll always call, and have called throughout this forum--the deluded amongst many. Sorrowful it is, but what you can tell yourself now is that though like myself that you fell prey can you now relive and truly know who Enlightenednow is and might I add, that with time even your son based on strengthened influence from you alone can also see things from a more. .clearer sky. I can honestly say that for him will it not exactly take long since even a child can locate nonsense no matter how far the distance and this goes for those sandwiches held at ransom as they've called for many years 'the book of truth, a source for the aftermath or this journey to the promise land' even. While you walk into that church or any, always ask yourself this from a very simple view. "Why?" 

In closing, you could tell yourself these words.

 

"Each time billions walk into those buildings of choice, they're condoning so much evil without true knowledge of themselves no matter what bible is of choice. Lost are these people but never will I be."

Or to simplify as well:

". .They've lost grasp of who they are.'"

 

And not at all a means of revisiting how you fell prey, since it is the past now and you've done what most have either failed to do, or never will think to do and that's trade faith for a reality check. Each time you step into those doors (temporarily) for the sake of your child tell yourself each time that he'll see for himself and throughout his youth up to now he'll no longer allow one religion among over one thousand to conquer his way of thinking or freedom in likeness to myself. If I can do this then so can he. You're done and so is your son. You made the best decision that'll give you guys a much better future and also i'll recommend? Go on YouTube also and watch how parents like yourself and even others there became Atheists. It'll make quite a bit of sense and some could mirror your ways. Remember. It was right, not regretful. Welcome to Ex-Christian. 

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

This is an awesome and uplifting post! Its nice to see someone who has moved past the depression of deconverting. Thank you for sharing your experience with us ?

 

DB