Eurasia Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 Hey everyone, I was wondering what sleeping arrangements are like when you visit family with your significant other, when you're not married? Me and my girlfriend (of 5 years) are going to take a trip which has a lay-over in the city my (christian) parents live in, in the Middle-East. We visited around 3 years ago and they insisted on us staying in separate rooms. The situation was awkward and my girlfriend absolutely hated it and refuses to do that again. We live together back home, which has been the cause of a few arguments with them. You are probably wondering, why don't we just get a hotel room.... Well officially an unmarried man and woman are not allowed, under Islamic law, to share a hotel room. The penalties if you are caught can be quite severe but a blind-eye is usually turned and most people do so anyway without consequence. However, my parents are not comfortable with us taking that chance, breaking the law and possibly getting caught. So with this trip coming up, I am left wondering whats the best way to play it. Insist that we be allowed to stay together, not visit them this trip or something else (I'm open to ideas!)? I'd love to hear how you handle these situations or if they happen at all. All opinions are most welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 24, 2017 Super Moderator Share Posted July 24, 2017 I guess my best advice would be to stay out of the ME altogether if you have no intention of complying with anybody's rules over there. You are not respected there, so take the hint. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted July 24, 2017 Moderator Share Posted July 24, 2017 You mentioned Islamic law - that in itself is reason to stay away! Either that or obey the laws for a few days. The saying goes, when in Rome do as the Romans do. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eurasia Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 Well the Middle East was just to point out why a hotel isn't really an option. I'm just curious how other people would handle the situation of being asked to sleep separately when visiting family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted July 24, 2017 Moderator Share Posted July 24, 2017 Right That's tricky. That might depend on your family. If I was in your situation with my parents I'm pretty sure trying to push to sleep together would result in cries of "no living in sin under my roof" followed by being booted out.... thus I wouldn't try it. However in your situation where the alternative is a hotel in an Islamic country, it may be well worth the shot to say that you are a couple, committed to each other and there is no reason why you shouldn't share a room. I'm not clear - is your parents objection because of safety due to Islamic law, even under their own roof, or are their objections religious? If religious you could say (If you don't mind risking confrontation... and I don't see any way of avoiding it if the objection is on religious grounds) you'll respect their wishes as soon as they demonstrate their particular of God to you with hard evidence. Until then their is no grounds for keeping you separate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 25, 2017 Super Moderator Share Posted July 25, 2017 2 hours ago, Eurasia said: Well the Middle East was just to point out why a hotel isn't really an option. I'm just curious how other people would handle the situation of being asked to sleep separately when visiting family. Again, you are not respected by anyone in that area of the world, family included. I would politely decline any invitation that insulted my relationship, my partner or my choices. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 It's their home and their rules. You should honor those rules if you are staying in their home. Quite simple, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ag_NO_stic Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 To me it seems there are two options: Decline the invitation to sleep in their home and just do a miserable all nighter at the airport with your honey and explain to your parents that you, out of respect for their rules, you will not be staying there (it will be sucky in the moment, but it'll be a memory later). Or get over the discomfort and respect your parents rules since you'll be in their house. You would expect them to "follow your house rules" so to speak, so it's just a person to person courtesy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eurasia Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 Thanks for the input everyone! I will talk to them soon and see if they are willing to change their stance. If not we will respect their rules by not stay there and seeing them somewhere else, another time. @LogicalFallacy Their objections are religious (christian) and not out of concerns of safety. I feel that a bit of (healthy) confrontation is coming up @ag_NO_stic I do agree with you, however on your last point, my mom doesn't have any problem insisting on doing things her way when she is over... but I'll hold myself to a different standard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I can't say what is right, but I can say what I would do. If it were my mother and father, I'd respect them and spend a couple of nights apart from my GF. It's not that big of a deal to do something like this for them I don't think. If it makes them uncomfortable, why make them feel that way? Does it really make you feel that uncomfortable to comply? Now, if they start wanting me to attend church or say prayers. That's a whole other ballgame. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 When you are in someone Else's house you respect their rules. Period. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 25, 2017 Super Moderator Share Posted July 25, 2017 I'm all on board with respecting the wishes of one's host. In my mind this demand is a bit different. You are being required to comply with a religious belief even though your normal sleeping arrangements would inconvenience no one. To me this is akin to objecting to the race or religion of your partner. It's an objection to who you are. I simply would not go anywhere my normal, harmless behavior is prohibited. Would they knowingly allow atheists, Democrats, Scientologists, homosexuals or others reviled by their religion to defile their house? I guess we all draw our lines in different places. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 1 hour ago, florduh said: I'm all on board with respecting the wishes of one's host. In my mind this demand is a bit different. You are being required to comply with a religious belief even though your normal sleeping arrangements would inconvenience no one. To me this is akin to objecting to the race or religion of your partner. It's an objection to who you are. I simply would not go anywhere my normal, harmless behavior is prohibited. Would they knowingly allow atheists, Democrats, Scientologists, homosexuals or others reviled by their religion to defile their house? I guess we all draw our lines in different places. I know a lot of non religious people from my parents generation that would see it the same way as religious folk. It may be influenced by religion, but it's a pretty common protocol. Pragmatism seems reasonable here. It doesn't hurt to use it, but not using it can. They aren't asking anyone to perform any rituals. That's different in my book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 On 7/24/2017 at 9:01 AM, Eurasia said: Hey everyone, I was wondering what sleeping arrangements are like when you visit family with your significant other, when you're not married? Me and my girlfriend (of 5 years) are going to take a trip which has a lay-over in the city my (christian) parents live in, in the Middle-East. We visited around 3 years ago and they insisted on us staying in separate rooms. The situation was awkward and my girlfriend absolutely hated it and refuses to do that again. We live together back home, which has been the cause of a few arguments with them. You are probably wondering, why don't we just get a hotel room.... Well officially an unmarried man and woman are not allowed, under Islamic law, to share a hotel room. The penalties if you are caught can be quite severe but a blind-eye is usually turned and most people do so anyway without consequence. However, my parents are not comfortable with us taking that chance, breaking the law and possibly getting caught. So with this trip coming up, I am left wondering whats the best way to play it. Insist that we be allowed to stay together, not visit them this trip or something else (I'm open to ideas!)? I'd love to hear how you handle these situations or if they happen at all. All opinions are most welcome Do the hotels check marriage licenses? If not, tell em you're married. Or tell your parents you got married. Other than that I'm with Florduh. The Middle East can bite me. You fart in one of those countries and end up being executed. You could also just get married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 3 hours ago, florduh said: I'm all on board with respecting the wishes of one's host. In my mind this demand is a bit different. You are being required to comply with a religious belief even though your normal sleeping arrangements would inconvenience no one. To me this is akin to objecting to the race or religion of your partner. It's an objection to who you are. I simply would not go anywhere my normal, harmless behavior is prohibited. Would they knowingly allow atheists, Democrats, Scientologists, homosexuals or others reviled by their religion to defile their house? I guess we all draw our lines in different places. If you CHOOSE to go to someone's home you respect their wishes or you don't go. Knowing that the rules of a host were repugnant would prevent me from accepting an invitation. This includes the Middle EAST! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 I think you guys are missing out on some of just how amazing the ME can be. If I could, I'd be all over that part of the globe. Minus the parts the US and its asshole allies are bombing of course. But, if you want to go to other countries and ignore all of their rules and traditions and act like a big ugly American, then, yeah, you shouldn't go. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TABA Posted July 26, 2017 Moderator Share Posted July 26, 2017 The region can also be rather dangerous for Russian tourists. Evidently the jihadists didn't get the 'America Bad, Russia Good' memo... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 21 minutes ago, ThereAndBackAgain said: The region can also be rather dangerous for Russian tourists. Evidently the jihadists didn't get the 'America Bad, Russia Good' memo... My wife used to go there once every year or two, but since the flight was shot down they shut down all Russian flights to Egypt and she's not on board with it herself anymore. Geopolitics has created a lot of terrorism in the ME for sure. My post above was more about the history and cultures. The average person there isn't a terrorist, despite popular opinion to the contrary. I've personally had nothing but pleasant interactions with people from Turkey, Iran, Egypt, Tunis, Lebanon, and maybe one or two others that I've forgotten. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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