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Goodbye Jesus

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Coming full circle



As an introvert, I tend to favour having few relationships that are deep over many that are shallow. While this is a strategy that works fine when you're younger, as you get older I've found that you still experience the attrition of friendships that you used to, but you're no longer getting new supplies. In other words, when you're younger you make and lose friends at roughly the same pace, but as you get older (especially as an introvert) you're still losing friends but not really making any new ones. It's to the point now where I don't have any friends anymore in my usual sense of the word. I am friendly with a bunch of people, but not particularly close to any of them.


This is something I need to do something about, but I am at a bit of a loss as to how to overcome it. I'm not sure if I'll ever have any meaningful relationships anymore and that's a bit concerning to me because we all need some lifelines out there, even us loners. While we're talking about meaningful relationships, I've slowly come to realise over the last year that some relationships that I had were more one sided than I had realised. Looking back, I held onto some relationships despite the obvious signs that I was not valued. It's funny for me to realise now how misguided I was about it all, and how concerns my parents raised were more valid than I considered. Which is really a funny realisation to have given my age.


I think I settled for what I could get, which it seems was not a lot. I didn't realise it until now, but I need some more self respect and that starts with not putting up with what I have been putting up with this whole time. 


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