There is no way I could type-ache-ly...Disclose all the things that have conspired since my last posting. I am sure that what I ever I would have to say will seem to be coming straight out of left field. And remarkably sure, but that is nothing new with me.
I am having several moments at the same time, you see.
Many different levels of thought one could amusingly get stuck in.
Lately I have watched some director's interpretation of John Steinbeck's wonderful human foray into the Adam and Eve story. Which gives the "mythology" certain validity beyond the talking snake.
Oh ha, how preposterous, them fools, believing in a talking snake.
Oh shame, oh thinker, who is so limited in vision that the ridiculous blinds him as he conquers "belief".
Also in my real life there has been the nursing of a TWO could be divorces of circumstances which , are nobodies bloody business... though I'd tell if it didn't just plain suck, and bore with drowning dramatic intensity.
one outcome of which was my quitting pot.
and i WILL to do so......(most of the time, now, seriously)
But i am imperfect in the face of the bore and stacking resentments that are natural to reality.
And I have been reading "The manipulated mind" by Denise somebody, and that Cialdini book "Influence, science and practice." I mistakenly bought the same book twice, so i have both old and new additions. These books are teaching me how easily duped the general human race is. And I wonder, why would a human be content with himself knowing he is so freaking Human? Would he not wish to evolve?
I have wondered that if I study too much, will I become like Freud, and hate humanity? I feel so alien to them now. I wish to be part of the Ex-Christian, site's regular posters. But suffer afraid of humiliation and lack of actaul non deluded intelligence.
So many of those chatters seen like very interesting folk, and with my desire to seek-out a god-positive argument, when I try to approach them they get defencive.
I wonder if god ever has this problem with me.. ermm humanity. And to Chat with these folk I have got to tone down my rather flamboyant and crazy writing style. But...I simply cant write well in a formal "clearly logical" stance. At least not without coming off as a troll, or a challenger, or a fool. Oh gawd, what if i am a crazy fool and my "questions" are impossible?
duuuuuudeee, i need a Zolft.
I have also been re-connecting with my inner self. And slowly growing, to be able to recreate the frames of mind that I so crave from .....Pot... the other master of me.
I have been meditating quite clearly upon some certain words.... but we will get to them later, maybe.
I am trying to stay on "topic". There is a dollar prize for the reader who has the eyes to discern what the freak my point is.
But these days I would rather have my 1 yen, turned into 12 dollars American...sooooo you should wish I was giving a yen prize so you can come to america and live like kings. (HA! we are the new mexico). And the yang will take care of themselves.
cooolllllllll...that last bit is like a koan.......there in is my hope for quitting pot. (for real)
I don't waaaannt to be a slave.. so I am teaching myself how to say no, to the impertinent guest and be a Host in my house. Well do know that i am "cheating" today. But I think of it more as training wheels. Now i can focus my fight against addiciton where i live... and besides it IS my birthday!
I can have the stuff, and STILL say no. ( so i thik it should be for me). It is my one toke test. Though I will confess it has been 15 days since I failed the three day test miserably (nic bag= 3 days, not bad; nic bag= 3 months, priceless)
SO lets talk about Adam and Eve for a while and how it is that God had to kick them out of the "garden". But it is ok to visit But only after they set up houses...... I also mean that I can live sober and take authority of the actions of me. And to not let my senses be pulled about to needful panicky extremes. And calmly say No to my Other Master.
WHY should I give up my freedom for the illusion of "connection", greatness, art? And why should it be that the only way to best enjoy such of my human mental attractions, be under YOUR control?
See I figured pot out. He can only employ mind control techniques on me; but I think I should have access to my OWN mind on my will, not His. I have sold my creativity and enjoyment of games, and the interactions with ultimate reality to the whim of my Other Master. What.... if my dealer isn't home, i simply CANT understand, connect, write, be motivated or LIVE.........WHAT!
IMPERTINENT GUEST.....I am Master and creator of YOU.
These are some thinks I like to dream upon and create weapons to live sober by willing force. This is why I had to be kicked out of the garden, and have my offering rejected. (ie the reason that i know that i dont want to live High and I want seek self control but i dont seek abstinence. To liberate the parts of me held captive my my other Master.) So that I could be productive.
And man, I enjoy my functionality while sober. I had never been allowed and able to be free before, though sometimes pure rebellion or irresistible opportunity wins over pride. Most people call that a cheat, or a failure. or ekk a re-lapse! ... especially because they have the same fault, and if EVERYONE would just behave according to "their" perfect idea of "how things ought to be" (especially themselves) there would be no damned-able problem!
This is in the nature of WHY humans need personal individual freedom, and need to balance law with considerable circumstance. There is no such thing as "zero tolerance." Perhaps there is no such thing as zero god or true atheist, as well as true christian etc. Every thing we label and try to attach "god" to is false. (if no true scotsman applies this way, might it also apply that there is no true..complete.. knowledge?)
Could it be because....well........this will sound odd but....maybe this physical place is evil, and purity or corect blissfull happening. CANT, operate omnipantly in this realm a a whole self but needs people to do the individaul bits of holy dirty work. (i might mean rather that god both acts and creates itself via our evolution) .... hence all the "rules" the physical people must go through to reach objectives. Things like meditation, diet, philosophy, logic, and pain. Perhaps we suffer so and god won't fix it because we actually need it to evolve for "god-self" to be able to fix it?
(post edit. hum it seems i can be countered with the question of " am i suggesting that if we find a proper way to exist here and relate to the higher self; IE the right religion trademark; that we should be able to not lift a finger to create our will? And that is a fine observation, but aren't we already attempting to remove the human work effort amongst all our other world domination desires?
So nature is as nature does. If i was better studied in philosophy, I wonder if I could reason and defend that telekinesis and technology are to human Being as knowledge and the understanding of functionally is to God being. But i am pathetically daft at defending my poetically rambled preposterations. _ end edit)
And the clearer in mind, the individual who "GETS, it unto them self" is; he is as if, removing more and more veils that separate purity and evil, knowledge and ignorance, control and freedom? Now purity does not necessarily have to MEAN, lack of bad things happening. In another word, deuality can't have one side conquer the other but can only achieve open balance and use of itself in whole. Many times no matter how non psychotic and perfectly logical you fancy yourself, favorable conditions with favorable meanings simply happen. And if you follow the logical series of natural events that where touched by your experience, you will find , in that chain, evil. If not for the starving child in africa, you would have never found the perfect wedding ring. Or the butterfly effect.
Hence all things ever created by humans, all mind-sets, all views are sacred. They all combined..... well it...... and this might sound a wee bit odd.. but they might be that thing that would be god.
SO like, We are the act of omnipotence yielding to limitation and ignorance.....ya know just like that Jesus Claimed he did...therefore... WE evolving is conquering the "other Master"...erm...wait for it...
damn i love my "functionality.".... but i honestly would prefer to live sober... this has been a nice trip to the garden of no sin... but dang it I have to live in the sinful..er real world with all the suffering I need endure. Or I can simply change the way I view things with the power of my own functioning entertainment machine that I just demanded back from my, impertinent guest! (IE gimme back my remote)
God kicking Adam and Eve out of the garden of perfection is because that was the only way "god" could communicate with himself. But somehow individual egos violently and ignorantly took over but that's not easy to explain and mankind has been trying to get the words out all of Anthropology, Psychology, Biology,, Physics and Cosmologically long for-ever.
But the "it according to you" has it's own eternity. Man may only guess what it is for others, and hopes he builds well his own.
Well it is time for me to proof read, likely when I come back my vein of muse will sifted into another gear. I do hope my humble ramblings might paint something and that be beautiful to you, as it seemed to me when i thunk the thinks with every fiber of my being. ( hint it was not here during my typing... nor even in the anxious fearful re-readings due to follow)
My wishes for the best to all, until i see you again.