I think the greatest annoyance I have with people (and as a result, leads me to misanthropy) is the fact that if you’re not “normal” you’re an annoyance to them. People give others very little leeway when it comes to what others are going through and struggling with.
If however they are not completely heartless they’re brainless and do not comprehend even on an intellectual level what one is going through and what effects it has on them and what steps they can take to help the individual or what concessions they can give with knowledge of the fact.
I look at my own life and I as an individual often deal with either one of these reactions from people. Being an introvert (or more specifically an INTJ) I often get misunderstood and often have to deal with people attempting to force me to be someone other than myself. You see, I can’t be okay if I don’t want to socialize, if I am not the life of the party or if I am not all friendly and cheerful all the time.
People will either try and force you to be more socially engaging and more ‘fun’ or they will take you the wrong way and despise you. Neither result is fun and with both people explaining that you are not like them isn’t sufficient and it doesn’t go anywhere. People will always say they understand but they never do and their actions reveal their ignorance.
It’s like explaining depression to someone who has never experienced it. Quips like ‘be positive’ or ‘what do you have to be down about?’ are not only ignorant but severely aggravating and going through the rounds with every new person you meet is frustrating enough, let alone the fact that you have to do it again and again with people you know and with whom you’ve explained the situation to at least a 100 times prior.
For someone like me there is no solution just a grudging resentful acceptance of the facts. Each and every day new situations and scenarios come into play and you think “Surely this person is smart enough/wise enough/empathetic enough to understand” but they rarely if ever do.
I was explaining to a friend of mine about someone who I know who suffers from PTSD and how they have a strong emotional reaction to any perceived threat (real or not) and how those closest in their life do not seem to be able to comprehend that talking to or approaching them in a certain way will trigger their PTSD. Rather than realize this and approach them differently, they just go about things like this person was “normal” and then are shocked when they don’t react “normally”.
Yet, this person suffers not only PTSD as a hardship but also a lack of an emotional seal to protect them. You see, they live with the entire emotional trauma they’ve ever experienced with the same intensity as the day it happened. This is a rare trait that not a lot of people have, and unsurprisingly people with this emotional make up generally off themselves.
Yet, these loved ones still treat this person as normal and wonder why they have a breakdown over arguments. It’s these reactions that cause me to be greatly annoyed at people. I don’t go through what they go through but I have an intellectual understanding of what their triggers are and what the results will be. Simply put, logic and reason are not going to change people’s emotional or mental make up so don’t try to reason with them, just understand them.
So, why do people keep on committing the same mistakes with those they know aren’t “normal” like them? Is it because they don’t care, or because they don’t understand? Either way the results are the same and I have a real hard time believing they don’t understand. If you can understand that holding your hand over a fire will burn it, you can understand that so I can’t believe that as an excuse.
Ultimately, I’d rather people leave me alone if they are unable or unwilling to understand me and work with me on my level. I’m willing to do so for them, so I hardly see reason for them not to extend the same courtesy towards me.