I'm sorry that you have these periods of struggling I can totally understand how being surrounded by Christians all day can be suffocating, and bring this kind of "buyer's remorse" as you put it to the forefront of your mind. I honestly wish that all the ex christians there in the US either moved to a highly atheistic American city, or found a home overseas so they can see what things are like to be in for the most part, a secular community. I can't recommend Australia enough for that

Aw thank you Jaded. I noticed many folks seem to be going through their own version of dark days lately.  Maybe it's a moon phase screwing with us or the crappy weather?? LOL Overall, I am okay. I have reached a point that when I feel the regret (not in the lack of belief, but not being apart of a community), self analysis helps me pull through it pretty dang quickly. I rarely dwell on it more than an hour or two and move on. It's jealousy when one gets down to it, well, at least for me it is, but when I look at the fantastical package of mythology and ritual I passed up, I see how limiting it would be to actually live that way. 

Someday, I really hope atheists do a better job of getting together and forming their own communities. It's tough being female and an atheist. There is still a lot of sexism in the world, and I look forward to an existence where I don't have to keep proving my knowledge and understanding simply because I have a vagina. When we get to a point of all inclusiveness in our ranks, then I will no longer experience any regret at all. Atheism is a pioneering frontier right now.

Oh believe me I have this desperate heartache and loneliness that I can never be part of the community I thought I was supposed to be part of.  And although I've had it hard, I used to have this view of life as a fairytale (poison apples happen in life but in the end it's always happily ever after).  For me the fairy tale worldview was based on the eternal life I was going to have with my family and friends and loving god.  When that foundation shattered and I could no longer believe in it, when I came to the harsh understanding that not all endings are happy....believe me there was shock and fear, depression and loneliness.  Whatever happens in life, my a-family has the comforts of their church community and certainty of eternal life and loving god to get them through.  I don't have that.  Whatever road I'm walking, I'm alone and in the dark and there's no end in sight.  But even still, I believe I am on the right path.  I am not waiting for anyone to come rescue me or for false delusions to comfort me.  I am prepared for the worst, and that in itself is an advantage.

And remember you can always form yiur own circle of community. I am actively working towards that in my own local area so I have the joy of felliwship. I worry sometimes about the back lash from those who would see me as threatening their precious church fellowships (like I am only trying to subvert THEIR god), but I refused to be bullied into exile when clearly others are like me out there.