You'll Come Back

[stryper]

It's a phrase that we all have probably heard at one point. I have heard it from both my aunt, a preacher's wife, and my mother, a preacher's kid.

 

It upset me both times and I couldn't quite figure out why.

 

Then I got it one day. That one comment completely invalidates me. It says that every decision I have made after leaving religion behind was wrong. That somehow I will discover this and return to the fold. It's saying that all the shit you went through because of religion or because of some authority figure's religious beliefs didn't happen. That your thinking is just wrong.

 

From my aunt, I kinda expected it. Since I haven't seen that side of my family in about seven years I really have no investment in them. So I just dropped it and walked away.

 

From my mother, I should have expected it, even though she is from a more liberal church. But it hurt more. It was like being taken back to being a kid again and being told your thinking is just stupid. I was in such shock that she would say it, that I quickly changed the subject and got off the phone.

 

The worst part is they don't have a clue. Their arrogant statements are just blithely tossed about from either extreme ignorance or arrogance. Ignorance would be at least understandable. Arrogance would mean they know on some level that they are vulnerable. And if they are vulnerable then they could be wrong. But they "know" they are right. Yet they can't see past the fear and accept they might be wrong and actually have an open debate.

 

Sorry to just be re-hashing old stereotypes that we see living examples of everyday. It's easy to talk about it when just reading about someone else's experience. It's much harder when it walks up and slaps you in the face.

 

The irony is these same family then wonder why I don't visit more often. (I just noticed that this smiley's eye twitches after a few seconds. AWESOME)

[ConureDelSol]

Well, you'll show them when you die an atheist...er agnostic...not sure which you are, haha!

 

I'm expecting this response from my parents when I one day come out to them. My dad has already told me that before when he discovered I was doubting Christianity. He said my mind was in the wrong place, but my heart was in the right place and that "Jesus would guide my heart and convince my mind to be in the right place." As badly as I wanted to blow up at him I stayed silent instead.

[blackpudd1n]

When I was lost in fundyville, it was inconceivable to me that anyone would EVER want to not be a christian, or could ever lose their faith. It was a concept I didn't understand. I was also the last person my atheistic friends ever expected to deconvert, too.

 

I haven't actually had anyone say that to me *yet*. But it would royally piss me off, too, to the extent that a "fuck you" straight to their face would be a very real possibility.

[hereticzero]

It's the Borg mentality of the Christian collective. Assimilation is forever and if a Borg leaves the collective they will yearn to return. A Borg is at its best when the collective tells it what to do. Mindless Christians are of one mind, the mind that dictates their collective doctrines into the trash they regurgitate every Sunday. Without someone to tell them how to live, Christians are lost and wander about confused about life and their place in it, which is no where. They all have the same doe-eyed blank looks in their eyes if they have to concentrate on a subject too long that doesn't compute with their doctrines.

[bornnormal]

When I was lost in fundyville, it was inconceivable to me that anyone would EVER want to not be a christian, or could ever lose their faith. It was a concept I didn't understand. I was also the last person my atheistic friends ever expected to deconvert, too.

 

I haven't actually had anyone say that to me *yet*. But it would royally piss me off, too, to the extent that a "fuck you" straight to their face would be a very real possibility.

Sorry I just can't picture you as a non-fuckyou-sayer, holy-looking, innocent Christian lady.

[Luv2knit]

My husband and I were having a discussion about our beliefs this weekend. He threw around all the old tired arguments. I stood my ground though. At one point he had the nerve to tell me I need to not study the side against the bible so much. I neede to have a balance. I looked at him and said, "I've been studying the for the bible side for over 30 years! What more could I need to know!". He got quiet after that. He is a brilliant man, but sometimes he just doesn't get it. But that's okay, I respect him. He did say he is totally excited about where I am right now.

 

The things people say to us can be surprisingly hurtful. But I think it comes from spending so much time being concerned about doing things that we know are acceptable by god and this group of people. That's hard to overcome quickly. The Borg comparison is so true, I've always thought that. We are huge Star Trek fans. I also think of the Matrix. We just don't realize how much we have to overcome, we just have to deal with it one little piece at a time. Thankfully we have a place like this to help us work through all of this.

[blackpudd1n]

When I was lost in fundyville, it was inconceivable to me that anyone would EVER want to not be a christian, or could ever lose their faith. It was a concept I didn't understand. I was also the last person my atheistic friends ever expected to deconvert, too.

 

I haven't actually had anyone say that to me *yet*. But it would royally piss me off, too, to the extent that a "fuck you" straight to their face would be a very real possibility.

Sorry I just can't picture you as a non-fuckyou-sayer, holy-looking, innocent Christian lady.

 

lol I was once a very good girl. And very innocent- I didn't know what "schlong" meant until Year 12!

[stryper]

Thanks for the responses.

 

Yes, I do think the best would be to die as I am. Not a christian, but not entirely an atheist. I Usually try not to classify myself cause I really don't know what to call myself, and it doesn't seem important.

 

As to the Borg, very appropriate reference. I had always looked at it as technology run amok, but religion works as well. It could stand in for any totalitarian system.

 

I think that is where I was heading BP when I was typing that. Your experience is what I was alluding to but couldn't quite get into words. The simple concept of not believing is so foreign to them as to appear to be like believing that the reunited entity of over 1000 souls from the causal plane of existence communicates with us.

 

And yes Knit I am thankful there is place like this to work out these thoughts. It helps to have a place where people have experienced what you have or something similar to be able to learn and lean on those who have been there before.

[badpuppy]

I understand this bothers you. It bugs me as well. I once had a woman give me a gift that had a card in it that went on and on about how eventually I'd come back to Jesus and remember how good it feels to have him inside me. (It sounded vaguely dirty LOL!!) It helps to think of them as emotional children and move on. 5 year olds can't conceive of a world lived without parents standing over them. Fundamentalist Christians (and sometimes the more liberal variety since it's still based on a "cosmic parent figure"... just a slightly less abusive one) can't, either. It's inconceivable to them that you would get your own apartment so OF COURSE you will come back to your parents. How can you LIVE otherwise??? But that's about them, not you. I know it hurts. It has hurt me when it has happened as well. But just remember that small children insist a lot of things are THE TRUTH and that you will eventually see they are right. We don't get bothered by that because we recognize them as small children. It's harder to recognize when an emotional child resides in an adult body.