“Why isn’t God helping you more”

[Questioningone]

Someone told me this a few months back. It was something I considered, suffering from depression and unanswered prayers. I wondered why God didn’t provide me a way out of my abusive situation. God being “all knowing” would know my limitations and issues in my life..surely he would help. Surely he would stop the situation or stop the emotional, verbal and even psychological abuse. Did I matter at all? Why couldn’t he make a way that I could help myself? Why didn’t he help? He knew all of my issues. He saw my tears and crying at night. Yet..always silence. Silence to everything I asked.

 

I didn’t ask for a mansion or money. I asked for human needs and spiritual help. I prayed for a support system in church and around me

 

nothing was answered. Not one thing

[sdelsolray]

A plausible explanation is this god you speak of is an imaginary human invention.

[NeverHealed52Years]

13 hours ago, Questioningone said:

Why didn’t he help? He knew all of my issues. He saw my tears and crying at night. Yet..always silence. Silence to everything I asked.

 

I didn’t ask for a mansion or money. I asked for human needs and spiritual help.

Please don't waste one more minute of life trying to get BibleGod to help you....he won't,,,, I wasted several hours EVERY day for 51 0f my 62 years of life trying and my life was literally hell on earth....no answered prayer.... and the more I pursued BibleGod and the more I tried the worse things got...I have had enough spiritual experiences with good and bad entities so I know their is something "out there" but  the BibleGod won't help us!

[Questioningone]

5 minutes ago, NeverHealed52Years said:

Please don't waste one more minute of life trying to get BibleGod to help you....he won't,,,, I wasted several hours EVERY day for 51 0f my 62 years of life trying and my life was literally hell on earth....no answered prayer.... and the more I pursued BibleGod and the more I tried the worse things got...I have had enough spiritual experiences with good and bad entities so I know their is something "out there" but  the BibleGod won't help us!

I’m so sad to read what you have gone through on your account here. I relate to what you say in regards to getting worse. I know the feeling. I didn’t ask for much, I just asked for support from God. I am now agnostic which suits me right now. 

[Questioningone]

I believe  Christianity gave me undue stress...worry and pain. I had spiritual nightmares, confusion, panic attacks, fear and so much negativity in it. It was like a sickness. So glad to give it up. 

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

I'm sorry to hear about the unanswered prayers and confusion. It really does mess with your head to be told over and over that the problems in your life are because you don't pray often enough or earnestly enough. I pretty much suspect half the time it's X-ians making excuses for why they won't help people in need even though they insist they're holier than the rest of the human race ("why, no", they insist "I would never think of myself as holier than non-christians", they say, "I am too humble and too purified by Christ to have such unhumble, wordly thoughts!")

 

I'm sorry to hear you've had to endure emotional abuse. I don't know what your life circumstances are but if you're able to don't take BS from anyone!

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

On 11/29/2018 at 1:27 PM, Questioningone said:

I believe  Christianity gave me undue stress...worry and pain. I had spiritual nightmares, confusion, panic attacks, fear and so much negativity in it. It was like a sickness. So glad to give it up. 

Yeah I don't think Xians in my life realize all the hell and damnation rhetoric actually gave me years of night terrors and depression. They think my problem is that I never took their beliefs seriously enough ; on the contrary I took their beliefs way too seriously - more seriously than then, for whom hell was just a convenient bludgeoning object to control people.

[TruthSeeker0]

On 11/28/2018 at 11:13 PM, Questioningone said:

Someone told me this a few months back. It was something I considered, suffering from depression and unanswered prayers. I wondered why God didn’t provide me a way out of my abusive situation. God being “all knowing” would know my limitations and issues in my life..surely he would help. Surely he would stop the situation or stop the emotional, verbal and even psychological abuse. Did I matter at all? Why couldn’t he make a way that I could help myself? Why didn’t he help? He knew all of my issues. He saw my tears and crying at night. Yet..always silence. Silence to everything I asked.

 

I didn’t ask for a mansion or money. I asked for human needs and spiritual help. I prayed for a support system in church and around me

 

nothing was answered. Not one thing

I dealt with this shit for 16 years, give or take. It doesn't do a thing except make it worse to believe that god will help you with your problems. You'll only be convinced if help arrives in some form (doctors, medication, social support, financial support etc) that you can then thank gawd for, when indeed you should be thanking those who helped you.

I'm free from all that shit, and so glad for it. My mind is free of all that undue mental stress these beliefs cause, and I hope yours is too.

[Questioningone]

10 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

I dealt with this shit for 16 years, give or take. It doesn't do a thing except make it worse to believe that god will help you with your problems. You'll only be convinced if help arrives in some form (doctors, medication, social support, financial support etc) that you can then thank gawd for, when indeed you should be thanking those who helped you.

I'm free from all that shit, and so glad for it. My mind is free of all that undue mental stress these beliefs cause, and I hope yours is too.

I got accused of treating God like a genie, not having enough faith and just some really rude responses. Basically saying God doesn’t work the way I want and I need to keep waiting and stop being selfish. The good ol “Job response” is popular. Like we are all Job right? 

I tried having faith, praying and asking God for mundane ordinary things. Nothing was responded to. I didn’t treat God like a genie, I treated him like the bible says, to ask in faith and just ask if you need anything. I listened to healing scriptures, read scripture (that ceetain verse Christians exploit annoys the heck outta me.l the one where Jesus healed our diseases... totally not why it means) oh and Jeremiah how God has a “plan for you” ... oh yeah.. so he has a plan to not fulfill all he tells me he will do for me in the bible? Give me a support system, health, joy... fruits of the spirit etc? That Jeremiah verse wasn’t even meant to be directed at Christians. 

I felt stressed after praying, trying to pray earnestly...wondering why after faith nothing happened. I asked for others healing too! I wasn’t selfish as soooooooooooo many Christians accused me of... I’m not joking! I didn’t understand why with all the love I had for God in my heart I wasn’t hearing from him at all. I tried hard. I sought help and even baptism.. when I did try it didnt eventuate then was told in so many words I’d go to hell for not being baptised. I couldn’t finish the bible or somehow keep reading... with reading issues and concentration issues it was impossible. I felt attacked spiritually within myself if I tried to do more than a line. I felt pressured to read the bible. I recently saw some posts of mine on worthychristianforums from like 2013 and I was suffering and needing help. More blame back on me. 

 

I was under stress in my heart so much...I wrote about that and accused then of “works salvation”!! Someone even said I wasn’t even saved. Even a pastor online made me more confused and questioning. 

 

I was constantly empty and unfilled. Churches were cliques...women snubbed me and even a high-up leader did. I wondered what I was doing wrong. I gave God my all. I did it with a true heart... not for anything from God. 

 

Now ive given up God I no longer have these spiritual panic attacks and ocd over it. All day I’d fret I was sinning and then have a guilt like feeling in my heart... sometimes I’d go to read the bible during one and then have another attack.  I recently had listened to Christian music and went into a sweat...some sort of panic attack. I felt like I was dying. 

 

I feel so free from the pain but lost all sense of hope now. 

[Questioningone]

12 hours ago, DestinyTurtle said:

Yeah I don't think Xians in my life realize all the hell and damnation rhetoric actually gave me years of night terrors and depression. They think my problem is that I never took their beliefs seriously enough ; on the contrary I took their beliefs way too seriously - more seriously than then, for whom hell was just a convenient bludgeoning object to control people.

I was under panic, confusion and terror over all the different beliefs of verses...

i was terrified of those “I visited hell” videos and then these contradicting arguments in groups if I asked a question.... I’d be so confused and tossing in my head. I was under terror for bible versions.. I felt evil inside me if I tried anything other than the kjv and go back to it and then not be able to read it. Others attacked me for not being kjv only. Studies said they were kjv only.. a board game was niv based... I got blasted by others for even reading any other bibles... I even got questioned over a non kjv verse in my fb header! I wondered what pastors were fake or real. Then they made me into a monster as I wasn’t yet 

“achieving my highest Christian self” and being like Jesus. I made notes to improve myself. I wondered why I wasn’t as smiley as Lysa Terkurst... (can’t spell her name) or glad as paralysed Joni Tada..or blessed like Corrie Ten Boom or successful as Twila Paris. They all spoke of the joy of God. I wondered what was wrong with me. I questioned constantly. I never got a response from God. I cried in bed at night. 

I got several self help Christian books I still own. Nothing helped. Basically they all just say how Jesus suffered... we must too or like my wealthy ex catholic psychologist “this is my allotment, deal with it” or point out just suffering verses. I have so many of these useless books. They don’t give real answers. 

 

I feel traumatised... I feel sick. I no longer have spiritual nightmares though. 

 

My abusive stepfather still watches Christian tv. It’s so contradictory it’s almost funny. He even prays. I had to endure “The Christmas candle” last night. 

[TruthSeeker0]

2 hours ago, Questioningone said:

I got accused of treating God like a genie, not having enough faith and just some really rude responses. Basically saying God doesn’t work the way I want and I need to keep waiting and stop being selfish. The good ol “Job response” is popular. Like we are all Job right? 

I tried having faith, praying and asking God for mundane ordinary things. Nothing was responded to. I didn’t treat God like a genie, I treated him like the bible says, to ask in faith and just ask if you need anything. I listened to healing scriptures, read scripture (that ceetain verse Christians exploit annoys the heck outta me.l the one where Jesus healed our diseases... totally not why it means) oh and Jeremiah how God has a “plan for you” ... oh yeah.. so he has a plan to not fulfill all he tells me he will do for me in the bible? Give me a support system, health, joy... fruits of the spirit etc? That Jeremiah verse wasn’t even meant to be directed at Christians. 

I felt stressed after praying, trying to pray earnestly...wondering why after faith nothing happened. I asked for others healing too! I wasn’t selfish as soooooooooooo many Christians accused me of... I’m not joking! I didn’t understand why with all the love I had for God in my heart I wasn’t hearing from him at all. I tried hard. I sought help and even baptism.. who I didn’t eventuate then was told in so many words I’d go to hell for not being baptised. I couldn’t finish the bible or somehow keep reading... with reading issues and concentration issues it was impossible. I felt attacked spiritually within myself if I tried to do more than a line. I felt pressured to read the bible. I recently saw some posts of mine on worthychristianforums from like 2013 and I was suffering and needing help. More blame back on me. 

 

I was under stress in my heart so much...I wrote about that and accused then of “works salvation”!! Someone even said I wasn’t even saved. Even a pastor online made me more confused and questioning. 

 

I was constantly empty and unfilled. Churches were cliques...women snubbed me and even a high-up leader did. I wondered what I was doing wrong. I gave God my all. I did it with a true heart... not for anything from God. 

 

Now ive given up God I no longer have these spiritual panic attacks and ocd over it. All day I’d fret I was sinning and then have a guilt like feeling in my heart... sometimes I’d go to read the bible during one and then have another attack.  I recently had listened to Christian music and went into a sweat...some sort of panic attack. I felt like I was dying. 

 

I feel so free from the pain but lost all sense of hope now. 

The loss of hope is a natural feeling because you placed all your hope on heaven, or god helping you, etc. Christianity was your purpose. You can find another purpose now. Find out what drives you, what gives you pleasure, what do you enjoy doing? Start there. And if your friends were all Christians, start looking for secular friends, I can tell you from experience these friendships are much more genuine, based on real things in common, not dependent or conditional on fairy beliefs.

[Insightful]

Hi QO,

Yes don't be alarmed by the sudden loss of Hope.

I agree with truth-seeker - all of your hope was placed on one thing, which you no longer Trust.

You will find new purpose and meaning and your life will have satisfaction and hope again!

Hang in there.

[Questioningone]

I feel like I wasted so much of my life, pocket, time and energy over something that I can never get back. All the fruitless nights praying, begging, crying... endlessly. All was wasted. All to someone who doesn’t exist. I’ll never get back those years or take back those mistakes. I still feel inside I’m doing “wrong” over silly things and need to get this out of my system for good. 

 

I have stopped praying and am no longer seeking help from God from prayer. I tried that for years it did me no good. God didn’t heal me of any of my problems and illnesses. I never thought I’d become an “ex Christian”..... I scrolled this site like a year ago..I was questioning then. I thought these people here were never real Christians, I was told all ex Christians were “never one to start with”, I don’t believe this anymore. I believe they tried it, had the whole heart for it, loved God but something just didn’t “add up”. The questions were never answered, the fact I was unable to read much, concentration, physical pain, mental torment,  the prayers felt fruitless, the emptiness continued... the void was never filled.. so much. Something just wasn’t “right”. This was me but I fought it internally, blamed myself and sought help online on christian forums. Initially I was on a “high” with God, I learnt much about the bible and felt so much warmth and love in my heart. I loved others. Slowly it just..died. I wondered why I stopped doing things. I tried to get back to them but somehow I just couldn’t. I somehow couldn’t master forgiveness. I tried and tried. People on the internet were so perfect over forgiveness and I got kind of attacked. No one seemed to understand. 

 

I felt i have lost lost myself over the years. Interests and somehow a “sense of self”. I gave this up as I felt in my heart lead to do. The bible talks a lot about sacrifice and denying yourself. 

 

If there is a “god” he isn’t the biblical god. I’m agnostic currently as I believe there is “something” but I don’t believe the Christian god is correct. Reasons being there is lots of unanswered questions and unexplained spiritual experiences I have had in my life. It’s possible the bible is not the creator of this world. I still believe there is a creator. I hope this doesn’t offend but it does say this is for “ex christians” not atheists alone. I have a longing for something other than humans and soemthing other than this sinful planet. Surely this isn’t all there is? I do believe in angels and believe I was visited by them. Someone had prayed for me and at that exact time I reported what I felt back to them. There is no explanation. They told me the time, it matched. 

 

If there was a Christian God I believe he left my country of New Zealand. Either that or he didn’t “chose me”. The bible talks about pre-election. If this is true, I certainly wasn’t chosen. I constantly felt this in my heart. A gut feeling I wasn’t chosen by god. I always had this sickly gut feeling I didn’t truly love God or was one of his children. It makes sense now. I wasn’t chosen. Maybe we don’t really chose god..he chooses us. Making my own decision doesn’t matter I guess. I don’t know what there is out there. I don’t know. But something I did must’ve been wrong. 

 

I dont know what what to do right now. I can’t explaon the past and I can’t explain things that happen to others. Maybe the bible is wrong?  

 

I fought and fought to hold onto my faith that god cared about me, he would hold me up, keep my faith etc...in fact I had a song I sung over this. I prayed about it. It didn’t work. 

 

I prayed last night a little I admit. I asked God for one last time to help me..if he was there. Obviously I’m still on this forum so he isn’t. I guess this is “testing god” but I’m desperate and wanted to try one last time. 

 

I have depression and have had no success in that. I constantly feel empty, strange and different from others in a sickly awful way. I am treated like I am below others and can’t connect wit others. Treated bad everywhere I go. I was raised by a narcissist mother, non existent dad and abusive stepfather. Two brief friends my entire life. I haven’t had a mate in 13 years. I thought Jesus was my friend and that was why I had nobody. I always considered myself a Christian  till I was about 22 when I discovered what a Christian was. I just called myself it because I had gone to church! That doesn’t make one a Christian! I thought that was why I had no friends and felt odd to others around me. I felt an emptiness and longing but I was badly bullied instead. I thought I had a friend in Jesus..as the song goes when I became a Christian around 2013. But no friend treats someone like this. I loved him so much...

 

Im lost

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

12 hours ago, Questioningone said:

i was terrified of those “I visited hell” videos and then these contradicting arguments in groups if I asked a question.... I’d be so confused and tossing in my head.

By "I visited hell" videos are you talking about near-death experiences and the like? Reading or hearing about them is evocative for sure, but if your church's pitch on it is messing with your head I suggest you go around and research the whole scope of near death experiences. They tend to reflect the person's own religious beliefs or the person's culture's religious beliefs (a muslim will experience a muslim heaven/hell, a buddhist some buddhist version of it, etc.) There are also chemical ways to evoke a near-death like experience such as with DMT or ayahuasca. There's actually really interesting literature out there comparing after-life vision imagery across various religions, near-death experiences, and psychedelic experiences. They all share various common elements, and may in fact point to some interesting commonalities and themes in human experiences. A big one is Aldous Huxley's "The Doors of Perception and Heaven and Hell". Your church probably exposed you to a very narrow, specific subset of recordings of such experiences that they showed you in order to validate their teaching - but the fact that they had to be so selective is itself pathetic and invalidating. Don't worry about the "evidence" they provided - the subject matter of such experiences is very interesting but your church or denomination's interpretation of it is most certainly BS.

 

12 hours ago, Questioningone said:

Basically they all just say how Jesus suffered... we must too or like my wealthy ex catholic psychologist “this is my allotment, deal with it” or point out just suffering verses. 

What a trashy "psycholigist". I wish I could get paid for pointing at a book quotation and giving my clients excuses for why I don't have to do my job.

 

12 hours ago, Questioningone said:

I feel traumatised... I feel sick. I no longer have spiritual nightmares though. 

It is in fact trauma and you are in fact experiencing a type of PTSD. It's not discussed a lot in open because people are politically correct and afraid of offending major religions that are protected by their culture and their government. It is, however, occasionally discussed, and I think awareness on it is growing. Here's one link that describes what the author called "RTS - Religious Trauma Syndrome" <http://journeyfree.org/rts/rts-its-time-to-recognize-it/>. I hope it helps you recognize and diagnose your experiences, and find the appropriate healing process!

 

[TruthSeeker0]

10 hours ago, Questioningone said:

I feel like I wasted so much of my life, pocket, time and energy over something that I can never get back. All the fruitless nights praying, begging, crying... endlessly. All was wasted. All to someone who doesn’t exist. I’ll never get back those years or take back those mistakes. I still feel inside I’m doing “wrong” over silly things and need to get this out of my system for good. 

 

I have stopped praying and am no longer seeking help from God from prayer. I tried that for years it did me no good. God didn’t heal me of any of my problems and illnesses. I never thought I’d become an “ex Christian”..... I scrolled this site like a year ago..I was questioning then. I thought these people here were never real Christians, I was told all ex Christians were “never one to start with”, I don’t believe this anymore. I believe they tried it, had the whole heart for it, loved God but something just didn’t “add up”. The questions were never answered, the fact I was unable to read much, concentration, physical pain, mental torment,  the prayers felt fruitless, the emptiness continued... the void was never filled.. so much. Something just wasn’t “right”. This was me but I fought it internally, blamed myself and sought help online on christian forums. Initially I was on a “high” with God, I learnt much about the bible and felt so much warmth and love in my heart. I loved others. Slowly it just..died. I wondered why I stopped doing things. I tried to get back to them but somehow I just couldn’t. I somehow couldn’t master forgiveness. I tried and tried. People on the internet were so perfect over forgiveness and I got kind of attacked. No one seemed to understand. 

 

I felt i have lost lost myself over the years. Interests and somehow a “sense of self”. I gave this up as I felt in my heart lead to do. The bible talks a lot about sacrifice and denying yourself. 

 

If there is a “god” he isn’t the biblical god. I’m agnostic currently as I believe there is “something” but I don’t believe the Christian god is correct. Reasons being there is lots of unanswered questions and unexplained spiritual experiences I have had in my life. It’s possible the bible is not the creator of this world. I still believe there is a creator. I hope this doesn’t offend but it does say this is for “ex christians” not atheists alone. I have a longing for something other than humans and soemthing other than this sinful planet. Surely this isn’t all there is? I do believe in angels and believe I was visited by them. Someone had prayed for me and at that exact time I reported what I felt back to them. There is no explanation. They told me the time, it matched. 

 

If there was a Christian God I believe he left my country of New Zealand. Either that or he didn’t “chose me”. The bible talks about pre-election. If this is true, I certainly wasn’t chosen. I constantly felt this in my heart. A gut feeling I wasn’t chosen by god. I always had this sickly gut feeling I didn’t truly love God or was one of his children. It makes sense now. I wasn’t chosen. Maybe we don’t really chose god..he chooses us. Making my own decision doesn’t matter I guess. I don’t know what there is out there. I don’t know. But something I did must’ve been wrong. 

 

I dont know what what to do right now. I can’t explaon the past and I can’t explain things that happen to others. Maybe the bible is wrong?  

 

I fought and fought to hold onto my faith that god cared about me, he would hold me up, keep my faith etc...in fact I had a song I sung over this. I prayed about it. It didn’t work. 

 

I prayed last night a little I admit. I asked God for one last time to help me..if he was there. Obviously I’m still on this forum so he isn’t. I guess this is “testing god” but I’m desperate and wanted to try one last time. 

 

I have depression and have had no success in that. I constantly feel empty, strange and different from others in a sickly awful way. I am treated like I am below others and can’t connect wit others. Treated bad everywhere I go. I was raised by a narcissist mother, non existent dad and abusive stepfather. Two brief friends my entire life. I haven’t had a mate in 13 years. I thought Jesus was my friend and that was why I had nobody. I always considered myself a Christian  till I was about 22 when I discovered what a Christian was. I just called myself it because I had gone to church! That doesn’t make one a Christian! I thought that was why I had no friends and felt odd to others around me. I felt an emptiness and longing but I was badly bullied instead. I thought I had a friend in Jesus..as the song goes when I became a Christian around 2013. But no friend treats someone like this. I loved him so much...

 

Im lost

Have I mentioned Religious Trauma Syndrome before? If not, here's some info on it https://journeyfree.org/rts/

This is what many of us go through when we deconvert and leave religion. A secular therapist would be able to help you with these issues - find one that you can have a discussion with before committing, as it's important they understand what you're going through.

And from what you write about your family, it would be helpful for you to also read this other post of mine

 

[Questioningone]

I am reading the journeyfree article and relate. I can’t read well due to concentration issues. 

[Dexter]

The only apologetic I ever heard for someone fervently praying while in an abusive situation and God doing nothing is the William Lane Craig argument that I am going to paraphrase badly. Basically he claims that you cannot know to what greater good an evil can bring about. That lesser evils are used to inspire greater goods. Imagine a martyr scenario where a saint is brutally tortured and killed, but their death is used a rallying event and inspires mass conversions as a result. So if you asked why god would allow... the answer would be because some greater good came of it. 

 

Now, that being said, this apologetic pisses me off. Because I have worked with abused people and some of their stories are so goddamn tragic that anything less than a cure for alzheimer's is insufficient to be called a "greater good."

 

I once heard a great podcast where this scenario was presented. What if there was a machine that could cure infant cancer but to run it, lesser evils like pain, abuse and suffering have to power it. Would you then see why there is pain and suffering? The atheist podcaster said he did see - that we need to find a new power source for the baby cancer machine. 

[NeverHealed52Years]

On ‎12‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 7:40 AM, DestinyTurtle said:

link that describes what the author called "RTS - Religious Trauma Syndrome" <http://journeyfree.org/rts/rts-its-time-to-recognize-it/>. I hope it helps you recognize and diagnose your experiences, and find the appropriate healing process!

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this link!!!

 

I think more then one of you may have posted this website link, and at least one of you might have told me about this website before.... But, I can't remember exactly.... SORRY...    Sooo,  Thank you also to the others.... you know who you are!

[Questioningone]

3 hours ago, Dexter said:

The only apologetic I ever heard for someone fervently praying while in an abusive situation and God doing nothing is the William Lane Craig argument that I am going to paraphrase badly. Basically he claims that you cannot know to what greater good an evil can bring about. That lesser evils are used to inspire greater goods. Imagine a martyr scenario where a saint is brutally tortured and killed, but their death is used a rallying event and inspires mass conversions as a result. So if you asked why god would allow... the answer would be because some greater good came of it. 

 

Now, that being said, this apologetic pisses me off. Because I have worked with abused people and some of their stories are so goddamn tragic that anything less than a cure for alzheimer's is insufficient to be called a "greater good."

 

I once heard a great podcast where this scenario was presented. What if there was a machine that could cure infant cancer but to run it, lesser evils like pain, abuse and suffering have to power it. Would you then see why there is pain and suffering? The atheist podcaster said he did see - that we need to find a new power source for the baby cancer machine. 

Wow that is just shit...honestly. Someone has to die for others to have happiness. Sick type of god...

[ConsiderTheSource]

On 12/1/2018 at 6:52 PM, Questioningone said:

 

I felt stressed after praying, trying to pray earnestly...wondering why after faith nothing happened.

 

The only thing worse than unanswered prayer is "answered" prayer.

 

I had two very specific instances of "answered" prayer in my 20's.  Twice desperate to make imposed sales goals at work, twice prayed earnestly sobbing on my knees.  Both times getting an "answer"; an unexpected large sale on the last day of the commission month.  

 

I now fully understand that both events were random.  But, associating them with my earnest prayer kept me in the greatest mindfuck invented by man an extra 15 or more years; sucking away the most valuable of my days and years.  So much pain.  So much cognitive dissonance.  And, most of all so many lies; lies after lies from this cult.  

 

Often, "answered" prayer is the worse thing that can happen to a person.  But, I have been making up time fast over the last 8 years.  Living reality.  "Worshipping" facts and reason.  And, really living every day.

[Riversong]

Yssss to the ptsd and religious trauma syndrome. And narcissistic parenting. An antidepressant helped me a lot as well as my therapist who is trained in trauma. She actually is a Christian, but understands the mind fuck that xianity can bring. 

 

Best wishes to you. It does get better