skysoar15

Anyone Else Feel Like Buzz Lightyear? (Read More)

9 posts in this topic

I am talking about 'Toy Story' when he realized that he was just an action-figure.

Right now, I often feel like a drunken Buzz out of his mind after finding out the truth about his own delusions. 

Cheesy comparison, but it's relevant to me. 

 

Life is still going on and he's just there...drinking tea with Molly's toys not giving a fuck.

He gains a renewed purpose, but honestly...I'm still figuring out what mine is.

 

I'm no longer a part of an 'army' of Christian brothers, spreading the message.

I'm no longer part of 'God's chosen people.'


There are days where it's impossible to get out of bed.

Life just seems so meaningless at times.

 

Sure it's melodramatic, but I really do feel lost at times.

I stayed away from the forums for a couple of weeks because staying on here all the time just wasn't healthy for me. 

This is all part of the deconverting process, for sure. 

 

Taking it one day at a time.

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PLEASE EXCUSE THE ANNOYING COMMERCIAL BREAKS IN THE CONVERSATION:

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Oh, and as an incentive (no, you won't be given any bogus promises of eternal bliss), if you do become a regular contributor by signing up for any monthly or yearly patron package, this annoying ADVO will disappear.

And now, back to the regularly scheduled conversation...



Look, you lost a huge part of your daily purpose and identity with a group. Thats a big hole to fill, but if you are handling this in a healthy manner, you will end up ok. 

Grieving takes time.

Growth takes time.

Finding a new purpose in life takes time too. So be patient with yourself and just ride it out and get help when you need it. 

Youre gonna be ok in time.

 

Oh, and the analogy is spot on I think.  

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Another comparison is Neo in the Matrix. Reality didn't change, just your perception of it. Like us, you saw through the lies and removed the pretend framework from your life. You currently feel adrift since what used to anchor your mindset was removed. But before you lies a big world to explore, and you have incredible potential for growth and to become what you would like to become. Every day you have a powerful ability in your choices to become better at whatever you choose to be. Or those same choices can take you in circles. As Jeff said above, it takes time to adjust. But now there is no god to please, no demons trying to deceive, no church to obey, no calling on your life except what you create (and you can change it if you please). I wrote a LOT after deconverting, and found that it helped a lot just to get my thoughts and rants out onto the computer. I didn't publish anything, but it sure helped clear my mind. I did write a book, but didn't publish.

 

I find it helps me to spend time in nature, letting the rain fall on me, listening to the birds, feeding them, getting my hands into the soil, planting things and watching them grow, smelling the scents of dirt and flowers. It reconnects me to being part of life on this planet. I also took singing lessons, trying something I'd never done before that was creative and challenging. Getting up on stage the first time was a huge deal, but life-changing for me. The local jazz singing community gives me some friends and activities to enjoy. I also started working out again, following a modified P90X program (mostly pushups and body-weight stuff). That helps me feel better about myself, and the improved body gets me attention that I enjoy.

 

The power for change is in your choices. But do give yourself some time to adjust and adapt to reality. You will create your own "meaning" by what you love and do daily.

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Maybe this could help you.

The more I learn about evolution and how our world formed, the more connected I feel. I am not "spiritual" about nature, but I am constantly in wonder; especially about early humans and how the different groups lived and merged into what we now are.  

 

You dont have to have a purpose given to you by some being to create purpose for yourself

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Sky,

 

It may be more weird than that.  According to Dr. James Gates, we could be living in a computer simulation, no shit.  

 

 

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@skysoar15, I understand. I'm about a month and a half in to my discovery and so far it's still earth shattering on a daily basis. I'm constantly daydreaming and pondering what's real. I know it gets better, but for now,  I'm raw. 

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I think it's a decent analogy, and I definitely empathize. This especially stands out:

 

 

There are days where it's impossible to get out of bed.

Life just seems so meaningless at times.

 

I also had a lot of days where I just didn't want to go on. I didn't care whether I lived or died. I wasn't suicidal, but I simply didn't care whether or not I'd wake up the next day. It was also hard on my wife because I'd say things like, "Just pull the trigger and get it over with." I can see how she could've thought that I was suicidal, but for me it was more of an expression of despair. My whole worldview had been turned upside down as I realized that the "truth" that I'd built my whole life on was actually a big, fat lie. I felt like the ground had been yanked out from under me and I was in a free-fall with no place to get a foothold. Everything looked so bleak.

 

Thankfully, time healed those wounds. I was eventually able to pick up the pieces and move on with my life, and I suspect that you will be able to as well. Just keep your head up and learn what you can, but also do things that you enjoy doing so you can keep some sanity. I wish you the best as you move forward.

 

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I also had a lot of days where I just didn't want to go on. I didn't care whether I lived or died. I wasn't suicidal, but I simply didn't care whether or not I'd wake up the next day. It was also hard on my wife because I'd say things like, "Just pull the trigger and get it over with." I can see how she could've thought that I was suicidal, but for me it was more of an expression of despair. My whole worldview had been turned upside down as I realized that the "truth" that I'd built my whole life on was actually a big, fat lie. I felt like the ground had been yanked out from under me and I was in a free-fall with no place to get a foothold. Everything looked so bleak.

 

Thankfully, time healed those wounds. I was eventually able to pick up the pieces and move on with my life, and I suspect that you will be able to as well. Just keep your head up and learn what you can, but also do things that you enjoy doing so you can keep some sanity. I wish you the best as you move forward.

 

 

Ditto Citsonga. Many days I could hardly get out of bed I was so depressed. But I forced myself to come to this board.

 

Skysoar, I also felt the same way as you and many others who have lost their faith. Ex-c knew I was in tremendous bad shape and a lot of pain when I arrived here in 2010. I felt as if i was falling down a black hole and couldn't climb out. I spent the first 4 years on this site everyday and minute I could be here. I drove the members crazy with my questions. If it wasn't for Ex-c, I'm not sure where I would be today because they continued to lift me up and give me hope that I could make it through this. It's a huge loss for a lot of us. That's what you have to understand. It was the greatest loss I have ever had and it can take a lot of time to heal. My whole worldview fell apart and I had no idea what to do. But Ex-c was here for me to help me form a new worldview.  I still stumble.

 

Please keep posting. Someone is always here for you. You are not alone. And like Citsonga said...it does get better.

 

((hug))

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Ditto what others have said about this site! I had to limit myself to twice a week or I'd never get anything done. The folks on this site brought such clarity and healing when the wheels first came off my faith. 

 

One thing that helped me was to tell a never-Christian atheist about my struggles. It was refreshing to have them go "WTF?" because it helped me realize how far off base my belief system was. 

 

Keep us posted!!!!!

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