Well, wasn't going to post anything about this, but because I've come to know some of you, and care about you...albeit in a virtual way...I thought I'd share this here.
I've decided to go back to faith. Not my former faith life, that 'former' me is gone. When I deconverted from Christianity, no one could ever prepare me for the journey that would lay ahead. There were days, when not having any beliefs at all were great. I'd say...liberating, at times. And then there were moments, when I missed my faith...the habits, rituals, traditions. But, I had given up on seeking a god anymore, and definitely didn't think much about Jesus, any longer. The Bible still isn't proof of a deity's existence, but if I'm honest, faith is meaningful to me. Buddhism attracted me for a time, and other beliefs. But, I resigned myself to the fact that this life is what matters. And it does. Something happened to me though over the past week. I can't explain it, and even if I tried...you all might think I'm wishful thinking, or that what I'm feeling isn't real. Maybe it isn't, but there is a joy that I have, thinking of Jesus again. The man. Not all the trappings of a story that could very well be man made, but the person that he may be. There are historical accounts that there could have been man named Jesus, who was crucified. But, why he was, we don't know. But, of what I feel, there is something there...something my heart sees. My eyes can't see it, nor my mind understand it, but my heart sees it. His love. His desire to see me happy and whole. It isn't the same as I believed before, that if I didn't believe, something horrible would happen. This feeling isn't coming from fear or wishful thinking. I'd never have guessed that I'd ever come back to this faith. But, there may be a way to follow our own path, and still follow other paths.
So, anyway, just wanted to share. I don't intend on clinging to a church, or going back into the cult like behaviors of my former faith life, but I do plan to go to church this weekend...and maybe just go to different ones, just to be close to people who feel like this.
I have made some nice friendships here, and hopefully, this won't turn you away from me. We all have a separate path to take in life, and who knows where this one will lead, but for the first time in a long time...I feel at peace. Even if we discover in the end, that there is nothing...a great Nothing...what I feel right now is still worth seeing through.
Oh, and don't worry. I won't preach to anyone here. lol That's not my thing. This is a personal path, and it's time I stop struggling...and just let it lead me.