I recently wrote about finding peace. My life took a turn in the road where I am now between jobs, looking forward to moving to a new phase in the unfolding of my life. In reorienting myself, I'm finding it an opportunity to further understand the nature of finding that inner peace, the center from which we are able to move outward into the world, how that who we are is not grounded in our sense of accomplishments, or shortcomings. They should not be.
In a group I belong to of former members of my original church organization, one member posted some thoughts about God, how that imagining God seeing her through a microscope caused in her to feel a sense of envy from God, that she needed to appease him, rather than being reflective of a creative love force that brought her into being. I understand the heart behind such symbolic perspectives. This is what I shared in response:
The shortcoming I see in envisioning God as external to us and evaluating us as doing this or not doing that in order to be 'obeying' him, is that that sort of mental image turns the focus upon ourselves. We are in effect judging ourselves, using some external idea. We are looking at our own ego, and not seeing who we are beyond that.
Our inner peace is not a product of how we evaluate ourselves by some standard. The source of it does not come through telling ourselves we did something right, or in telling ourselves someone is pleased with us when they look at us as a person (be that God or anyone else). That sort of exercise only creates a temporary state of mind through 'thinking good thoughts'. That's important for some things as a temporary 'fix' to feeling bad or something, but it is not knowing Peace, which is unconditional, unlike these things.
That Peace is known in our very Being, unconditionally. If we are to envision God in the meditations of the heart, than it is to see that unconditional Being that is within our very self. It does not come through the thumbs or or thumbs down approvals of some external or internal judge, but in releasing all judgement into that unconditional Being itself. From that center in ourselves then, that Peace, we see ourselves and the world without these valuations. We see ourselves, and others as we are, eternally. We become grace, we become compassion, because that is who we are.
This very much reflects where I am at now. It is a hard place to hold at times as we fall into habits of mind, trying to judge ourselves as we try to present ourselves to the world as needs present. But if we rest in those things, we are dependent upon the things we tell ourselves, rather than in resting in that very Being, our center. As I move to open new doors, I have to be mindful to first rest in my center. From there, who am I can move without self imposed hindrance.