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Another Year In The Same Life




blog-0165560001361682605.jpgTrue story.


Sat down at my desk Friday afternoon, and I thought, "Wow, I really fucking hate this." And, at that moment, as I am gazing through the poorly installed blinds of the front windowed side of the building, admiring the graveyard just across the road with its towering granite angels, and Jesus memorials weeping green streaks of algae -- I realized that what I hated was the lack of work while at work. There was no productivity in my day due to slowing business, and despite all my asking for extra to do, there was none to be had by anyone. So, I am thinking I would rather be doing something productive at home than sitting here on my duff, earning a paycheck by accomplishing nothing.


Technically, my day had ended by 2:30 p.m. that afternoon. We aren't allowed to have books, magazines, or newspapers at our desk, but it has been generally accepted get on the company net and read the weather and local news. This actually irritates me even more because there is plenty of reading I could be doing that is GOOD for me. And realizing just how ridiculous this whole line of thinking is, I am trying to stay rational and just appreciate having a paycheck....


Yeah, that's not working at all.


So, to make up for the 8 hours a day that I am absolutely sedentary - in the middle of winter- I quit caffeine. This seems to have tripled the dissatisfaction I am feeling, but it gives me the rationale that my unhappiness is simply due to the caffeine withdrawal. A fun little trick I learned in Church - ignoring the cause and filling in the gaps with a nonsensical delusion. So far, the cutting of the caffeine has yielded no benefit that is obvious, but I am drinking more water and eating a lot more fruit. Of course, I even bought a juicer....


I wonder if this is a mid-life crisis of sorts? I am not panicking, but any moment that is spent unproductive, or not the way I want, is really starting to irritate me on a major level. I don't feel a sense of time running out, just that it is being wasted. Making time for more enjoyable things, I have managed to cut time out wherever possible. Shit, I even got an additional dog to the one I already have!


Hmmmnnn... Maybe I DO need to work on slowing down.



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That sucks that your place of employment won't even allow books...  Corporations and their dumb-ass policies... What's wrong with contributing to a person's happiness if their work is done?


Giving up caffeine, eh?  I'd be camping out in headache-city if I tried to do that.  Forget that!  As far as juicing goes though.. That's great!  I'm not really a juicer though.  I'm more of the green smoothie type... Mmmmm good stuff!


But yeah, I get the whole time being wasted stuff...  We get this one shot at life only for it to be monopolized by bills and corporations and while the wealthy people do their thing.  Sometimes, I really wonder what the fucking point of it all is.  It seems like one struggle after another.  For what?  Oh to build character... Okay, again I ask, for what?  If some corporation owns me what does it matter? 


So many questions... So much resent... So much frustration.  Why?  Because I'd like my life to be mine.  But that's asking too much.


So you see... I'm somewhat in the same place and don't have any answers...  Just more questions.  But with regards to all those other things that it seems we don't have control over... It's good to see you doing good things for your body.  If we don't have health, there's not much of anything else we really can have.

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I agree, if we don't have our health, there is not much of anything else we really can have. And, even more, I think that is what irritates me about this place. I literally sit, on a phone, navigating the fun world of logistical nightmares. The first 5 hours of my day are spent sorting out the night before and upcoming pick ups later that day. FIVE hours of no physical exercise, no major stimulation, but just five hours of mind numbing, flirtatious truck driver bullshit. I almost want to go work for a restaurant again....

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Well, happiness is found in many forms.  For some it's money, for others it's more time and for the the crazy ones, it's their careers.  Unfortunately, I'm required to have a career in this social experiment on humanity so I can live within the accepted structures of society.  So I do the best I can. 


Maybe you should consider something that stimulates you more?  If not the restaurant... Maybe something else that has you one the move?  A lot of times there's great opportunities out there if you look hard enough.  Nobody says you have to stay where you are.  Look around, maybe you'll find something.  =)

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Well, I am trying to write more. I figure, I will spend the time writing up blogs ahead of time and proof read. Should my boss come along and demand to see what I am writing, he can find his ears burning and his mind racing from me not copying down company secrets, but instead ranting politically about the issues with religion, women's rights, and congressional headaches. I don't think it is his right to forbid me from penning words as long as on my free time.

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