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Goodbye Jesus

The Bluegrass Skeptic

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Who is up for a comedy filled with demon spawn, demon dong, demon molestation, and tons of elite Hollywood stars?

This girl was, and I lived to tell the tale!


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Welcome to Hollywood! Where, just like we suspected, A-Listers like to party, sing about taking off panties, and live in excess. This tale is spun around two longtime Hollywood friends Seth Rogen (Pineapple Express) and Jay Baruchel (Million Dollar Baby). The latter of which doesn't really care for the mainstream life and is starting to question his friendship with Rogen. Needless to say, upon reuniting and going to Rogen's house, the play video games, hit the bong, and play more games. It doesn't take long afterwards for Rogen to pressure his friend in going over to James Franco's house (Spiderman, Oz). Just a simple house party, nothing to worry about.


At this point in the movie, viewers are exposed to the overblown hype that is Hollywood. Folks are partying, doping, singing, and getting blow jobs like it is an everyday thing. Franco appears to be a hippie that loves to flirt with both sexes, and way overplays his part as an art lover, which is intentionally done. Needless to say, Jay uses the old "I'm out of cigs let's run up to the store" excuse on Seth to get the hell out of this virtual Sodom and Gomorrah environment only to suffer through an earthquake and what appears to be people floating into the sky when they get to the convenience store.




The duo rushes back to Franco's house and find that not only has no one at the party disappeared, but they didn't even notice the earthquakes or chaos going on outside. Literally newly unmanned cars are wrecking, the Earth is splitting open, and everyone says they didn't see or hear anything -- until the next quake hits. The celebrities go running out into the streets, panicked and not knowing what to do. Rhianna gets swallowed up by the earth. Emma Watson, nowhere to be found. It is quite the disaster scene, and I personally enjoyed seeing Michael Cera (Juno, Scott Pilgrim) getting boned by a light pole.



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When it is all said and done, by morning, there are only six celebrities left in what was once James Franco's awesome new house. From here you have the comedic personalities of Danny Mcbride (Pineapple Express), Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Craig Robinson (The Office, Pineapple Express), and Jonah Hill (Super Bad). Emma Watson turns up, but after an overheard rape discussion, she decides to rob them at the point of a fireman's axe and try to survive on her own out in the destroyed wilds of Hollywood. Typical shenanigans follow involving food and water rationing, not ejaculating on the only porno mag in the house, and more.





Throughout their stay in the house, the movie brings in elements from movies like Rosemary's Baby, The Exorcist, and a number of others into play. Putting their own spin on our favorite horror movies quite successfully, though more graphically. This is where the whole demon rape and titty fucking references come into play. If you have a child under the age of 16, I wouldn't recommend this movie unless you want to explain it all after the film is over. Though, there is a scene over ejaculation in the house that is a bit over the top too between Franco and McBride. After a Big Brotherish type of living style, Jay points out that this whole end of the world experience seems eerily reminiscent of the Revelation end times in the Bible. Most agree that is indeed what has happened, but that means they still have a chance to redeem themselves right?


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Once agreeing this is the Christian prophecy come to being, the movie progresses at an odd pace. While they are in the house, there is a lot of comedic dialogue and slapstick going on. On the several occasions a member or two leave the house to search for supplies, you really appreciate the special effects that went into this film. The demons are not cheesy renditions. They are designed to be taken seriously being very animalistic, intimidating, and very well rendered. When McBride's character decides to leave the house because he is too self-centered to be able to function in a roommate situation, you immediately think he is going to be eaten. Which would have been a better option, but he becomes a cannibal, with a motely crew of leftover survivors from outside the house.


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At some point, there is a house fire, and the remaining four members of the house run out into the safety? of their front yard, watching the house collaspe under the burning flames, while they are out in the middle of .... a burning world. Realizing they are completely exposed, Franco suggests they hop in the car and drive away from there. Of course Craig, Seth and Jay agree, until a big ass demon lands on top of the garage they need to get into. Craig, the only character that really took the end times scenario to heart, decides to create a diversion and give his friends a chance to make a run for it with the car. That is when the men see firsthand what redemption with God looks like. Craig is saved at the last second from the jaws of the beast, and seeing this, the trio knows they have to get their shit together or they will be demon food before the hour is out.





Driving wildly through the streets, they get blindsided by Danny and his bus of cohorts. I find the concept of time in this film very confusing. I don't feel like much time has passed, but hey, it's not supposed to be a serious film. Danny reveals that he is a leader now and that his former roommates are now food for his little group of heathens. He is the ultimate interpretation of depravity, but somehow, it is all still amusing as hell. Channing Tatum (Magic Mike) makes a surprise cameo in this sequence, and I will say that it is not in a way you would EVER even consider him appearing in a film.... In this scene, the group also learns how easy it is to gain and lose redemption within the space of a few seconds.




Escaping Danny's repulsive clutches, and dinner table, the original two friends of this film - Seth and Jay - run, trying to hide anywhere they can, completely exposed to the underbelly of Satan's minions roaming the planet. During their futile effort to hide, they come face to face with the big boss himself: Satan. Towering an impressive sky high height, the beast sees them, and realizing they are discovered, the two men make amends and bond their friendship. Determined to not let death take them individually, they agree to die together, never to be separated again.


Now, I don't want to give away too much in the story line. Let me put the end to this final fight in perspective. Remember that scene in South Park's Bigger Longer and Uncut? You know, where Hussein and the Devil are lovers and in the blackness of the screen you can hear their magical butt loving and Hussein saying,"You like that, don't you bitch?". This movie has exactly one of those "Oh my God, did I really just see THAT?" moments. And it is brilliant. After that moment? You could just hit the STOP button on your remote. Unless you like 90s boy bands, then by all means, keep watching.




Overall, I give this movie a 3.5/5 Zombie Jesuses. I might watch this show a couple more times. Seeing men using urine as sustenance in a comedic fashion is always a laugh. Watching men remake some of their own films within the guise of another film, it's alright. The beginning of a disaster movie based off of the Christian rapture is pretty good. I think the disaster scenes at the beginning of the film would have made Christians clap in delight all the while pointing at the screen and saying to their friend,"See! This movie thinks it is a joke, but it isn't! See that unmanned car crashing into buildings! That is what will happen to you if you don't make it to Heaven the first time."


This movie is available in RedBoxes all over the country right now. It's worth the buck to watch. ;o)


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