So, firstly you may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog. This is a temporary name till I think of a cool one. I changed it to this as the Latin one was starting to feel too pretentious for me to bare. Still throwing ideas around, I'm sure I'll find something.
Anyways, on to the content of my post. I was reading something of Sapolsky's quite awhile ago now and he remarked how humanity has learned to delay gratification for insane periods of time, even hypothesizing that the concept of heaven is one of the grandest delays of gratification to be seen.
I know with myself I for some reason seem to wish to rob myself of reward or gratification in any of my accomplishments. Each thing I do is not really good enough, and when I look at others gloating over their meager accomplishments I am not always able to fight off the temptation to keep them in touch with reality. Whether its the money I'm earning, the company I work for or the position I'm in - there's something to criticize to make it not that much of a big deal. I just can't give myself anything.
I continually put hurdles to my happiness. I have to finish my degree, get a certain type of job at a certain type of organisation and be at a certain position earning a certain amount of money. Once the stars have aligned in such a fashion - then, and only then have I made it and I can be happy. Which to be honest, is totally bullshit. If I stop and think about it, I have it really good right now.
I don't earn a lot of money, but I still have plenty left over after my bills. I have a flexible job that pays more than most jobs in the small town I'm in at the moment and I'm past the halfway mark towards getting a degree - something I've wanted to do for a long time. Yet, I find myself not allowing me to be happy. I think this ultimately has root in my feelings of inferiority, which is somewhat ironic as I also find myself having feelings of superiority in many ways as well.
The first steps I am trying to make me content is to stop thinking about the future and what it holds. Think about the here and now some more. It's about time I lived in the present rather than the ever elusive future that beguiles me so.