A Message To Knupfer, All True Believers, And Various Other Trolls Who Stop By

[buffettphan]

Since you think it is your mission in life to re-christianize us, we need to be sure YOU indeed are a True Believer. Therefore, please read and follow the instructions in Mark 16:18 before posting. Until then, we will continue to believe that your talk is merely the drivel that it has always been. Anyhow, here's a nice glass of citrus-flavored bleach with your name on it. Thank you.

 

Waiting..........

 

* * * * * *

 

Kudos to Marty for coming up with this idea.

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?show...c=26258&hl=

 

 

Mark 16:18 states:

"...and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all..."

 

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT ADVOCATE THE DRINKING OF POISON. THIS IS SIMPLY A "PARABLE" TEACHING THE VALUE OF CRITICAL THINKING!

[florduh]

This makes me wonder if some believer nutball actually drank poison and got sick or died, could the publisher of that dangerous advice be sued?

[buffettphan]

This makes me wonder if some believer nutball actually drank poison and got sick or died, could the publisher of that dangerous advice be sued?

 

 

I wondered the same thing, which is why I included a disclaimer on my post. I'm still half-expecting some dumbass-snake handler to tell me I'm going straight to hell though..........

[Thurisaz]

This makes me wonder if some believer nutball actually drank poison and got sick or died, could the publisher of that dangerous advice be sued?

 

I can't imagine that someone could be sued if the other person was so fucking dumb to actually follow that kind of advice/command. With a hefty dose of cynism I say that actually if someone dies that way, you should be honored for eliminating some more stupid from the human gene pool.

 

Of course, at least that's how it appears from over here, in the US you seemingly can be sued easily for other persons' braindead ideas. The countless disclaimers in instructions, manuals and the like ("Warning: Do not try to dry your wet dog in this microwave oven!") are a stuff of legend over here. I trust that by far not everything quoted over here as having been found in a manual meant for US customers is genuine, but even if just half of it is...

 

...then I suggest that all manuals et al in your place should come, from now on, with only one generic disclaimer: "We do not take responsibility for your own idiocy".

[R. S. Martin]

Of course, at least that's how it appears from over here, in the US you seemingly can be sued easily for other persons' braindead ideas. The countless disclaimers in instructions, manuals and the like ("Warning: Do not try to dry your wet dog in this microwave oven!") are a stuff of legend over here. I trust that by far not everything quoted over here as having been found in a manual meant for US customers is genuine, but even if just half of it is...

 

...then I suggest that all manuals et al in your place should come, from now on, with only one generic disclaimer: "We do not take responsibility for your own idiocy".

 

Uh, yes, Thurisaz, that might work if only we ignoramuses knew what idiocy was. Since we don't it has to be spelled out for us. Such as Don't dry your cat in the microwave.

 

Now I have to go get a cat that I can't dry in my microwave so that the instructions work. Otherwise I have a microwave oven all for nothing...it just sits there and all I do with it is cook food....there is no cat that I can't dry in it....

 

Did you say DOG!!!! Oh my goodness! Dogs BARK! My landlady would hate it if I got a barking animal. Dear me! what will I do. I guess my microwave will have to go on sitting on the shelf with nothing to do but cook food.

 

**************************

[R. S. Martin]

Thurisaz, there really is a story--of urban legend status, I suppose--that when microwave ovens first came out someone dried a cat in it and the cat exploded. It goes without saying that it happened this side of the ocean because--well--so far as my own learning is concerned the other side of the ocean didn't exist except in history books until I learned to know people like you on the internet.

 

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Europe might be just as far advanced technologically as Canada and the US. It wasn't in the history lessons because the history lessons took place several centuries ago before "we" crossed the ocean. I have heard about the autobans (sp?) in Germany. I understand there really is no speed limit because when people finally do get into an auto they are so thrilled to get out on their own that they just open the throttle and let loose. Don't know if there's a shred of truth in that.

 

And then there's the terrible snow they get in England. My pharmacist is from England. One day after they had a most terrible storm that shut down the entire country (or local area where he wanted to travel). He had gone back to visist, landed, got himself a car and wanted to head out to his family. The cop or guard wouldn't let him pass. There was all of--maybe not quite--two inches of snow on the ground. He pulled out his passport and shoved it in front of the guy's nose and said, "Here look at my passport!" Finally the guard looked and saw. "Oh you're from Canada. Go ahead!"

 

So yeah, the stories fly both ways across the Atlantic. I love this stuff. But back on topic. All true believers.....

[Amethyst]

Guys, he's been warned. Please don't encourage him.

[Loren]

Actually, it seems to me that there's only one doctrinally correct answer to "WWJD?": Jesus would die for me.

 

So...

 

What method of death is the Christian going to choose? If they really are serious about doing things the biblical way, I have a hammer and spikes and we can go to the hardware store and get a couple of four-by-fours. I have a post hole digger and would be happy to do the work (purely out of a spirit of service).

 

Otherwise, shut the fuck up about it.

This makes me wonder if some believer nutball actually drank poison and got sick or died, could the publisher of that dangerous advice be sued?

This is another one I've wondered about. With all the damned preachers, damned theologians and damned Christian "councilors" who are bent on telling the rest of us how we should change our lives down to the most trivial detail, why do we not see any mention of them being legally bonded like a locksmith, a plumber, an accountant or a carpenter?

 

I would strongly encourage anyone who's being "ministered to" by one of these folks to ask them just how willing they are to take full legal responsibility for the results of following their directions.

[Karhoof]

With a hefty dose of cynism I say that actually if someone dies that way, you should be honored for eliminating some more stupid from the human gene pool.

Though the irony would be lost on most of them,

it would give me intense pleasure to personally nominate anyone who did, for a Darwin Award.

 

[florduh]

I can't imagine that someone could be sued if the other person was so fucking dumb to actually follow that kind of advice/command. With a hefty dose of cynism I say that actually if someone dies that way, you should be honored for eliminating some more stupid from the human gene pool.

 

Of course, at least that's how it appears from over here, in the US you seemingly can be sued easily for other persons' braindead ideas. The countless disclaimers in instructions, manuals and the like ("Warning: Do not try to dry your wet dog in this microwave oven!") are a stuff of legend over here. I trust that by far not everything quoted over here as having been found in a manual meant for US customers is genuine, but even if just half of it is...

 

...then I suggest that all manuals et al in your place should come, from now on, with only one generic disclaimer: "We do not take responsibility for your own idiocy".

 

 

You probably don't see as much urban legend as you think. Sadly, most of it is real. Lawsuits have been won because a power lawnmower didn't have a warning that it was not to be used to trim hedges. Then there is the famous McDonald's hot coffee incident. I have a hair dryer that has a label urging me not to use it under water. So many true stories it's pitiful.

 

In all these cases the prevailing plaintiff won a large settlement not because they were advised to do something dangerous, but simply because the manufacturer or distributor didn't have a crystal ball and post a warning that the pencil you just bought is not to be embedded in your eye.

 

The Bible actually prescribes lethal activities for its readers to engage in. As far as I know, no publisher of that book has been assigned any legal responsibility for the damage incurred for taking such advice. I think that if I published a book advising my readers that if they really believed, they could fly off their rooftop and safely land, I would be sued for everything I and my insurance company have.

[par4dcourse]

My Ambien bottle warns in large print MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

[I Broke Free]

I wish I had kept all the warnings that came with my kitchen step stool. It would have been worth a good laugh. Jeez, you would think I bought flame thrower!

[Jeff H]

In regards to lawsuits and warning labels:

 

http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

 

And on the microwaved cat/dog in particular:

 

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/techno/microwavedpet.asp

 

Warning labels are still funny though

[BiMamaFeminAtheist]

When trying to explain just how fundamental my family was growing up I tell people, "We didn't handle snakes - but we knew people who did."

 

For an interesting read, I recommend "Salvation on Sand Mountain". This is a non-fiction account of a news reporter covering a snake-handling, poison-drinking church in the Appalachian foothills. Odd, and yet so very familiar for someone like me. (I'm so glad I found this forum, where people don't think *I'm* crazy just because I was brought up that way!)

[florduh]

When trying to explain just how fundamental my family was growing up I tell people, "We didn't handle snakes - but we knew people who did."

 

For an interesting read, I recommend "Salvation on Sand Mountain". This is a non-fiction account of a news reporter covering a snake-handling, poison-drinking church in the Appalachian foothills. Odd, and yet so very familiar for someone like me. (I'm so glad I found this forum, where people don't think *I'm* crazy just because I was brought up that way!)

 

Hey, we were ALL brought up crazy!

 

Honestly, I admire the snake handlers for being true to the religion, however misguided. When Christians start deciding which parts of the inerrant word of God they're going to ignore, handling snakes is number one. To me that proves they don't REALLY believe the Bible. The Appalachian snake handlers actually take their God at his word.

[Thurisaz]

...II have heard about the autobans (sp?) in Germany. I understand there really is no speed limit because when people finally do get into an auto they are so thrilled to get out on their own that they just open the throttle and let loose. Don't know if there's a shred of truth in that.

 

Almost correct. Spelling is "Autobahn".

And yes, there's no default speed limit on our Autobahnen. However, that does not mean that speed limits may not be in place on many parts of them. For example, if you travel the A2 from Hannover to Brunswick (rather close to where I live) you won't find a single mile where you can drop the hammer and travel as fast as your machine allows - go over 120 kph and get caught, you're in trouble. Not much of a wonder as there's so much traffic on that road, and so much of it is big-arse trucks... it's one of the main east-west-connections through Germany after all.

As for the thrill of speed, quite a few (usually young) people who just got their driver's licence probably really act like that. I wasn't one of them but the fact alone that far more 18-to-25-year-olds are caught speeding than the average German driver speaks volumes

[Drifter]

Since you think it is your mission in life to re-christianize us, we need to be sure YOU indeed are a True Believer. Therefore, please read and follow the instructions in Mark 16:18 before posting. Until then, we will continue to believe that your talk is merely the drivel that it has always been. Anyhow, here's a nice glass of citrus-flavored bleach with your name on it. Thank you.

 

Waiting..........

 

* * * * * *

 

Kudos to Marty for coming up with this idea.

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?show...c=26258&hl=

 

 

Mark 16:18 states:

"...and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all..."

 

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT ADVOCATE THE DRINKING OF POISON. THIS IS SIMPLY A "PARABLE" TEACHING THE VALUE OF CRITICAL THINKING!

 

 

Good plan. If we don't drink it, we're not real Christians. If we do, we're probably dead. So, it's a win-win for you. UNLESS we drink it and actually live.

[buffettphan]

Good plan. If we don't drink it, we're not real Christians. If we do, we're probably dead. So, it's a win-win for you. UNLESS we drink it and actually live.

 

Kinda like those ol' pesky Salem witch trials......... only that was REAL LIFE....

 

not a parable teaching the value of critical thinking skills....

[Babelfish]

As for the thrill of speed, quite a few (usually young) people who just got their driver's licence probably really act like that. I wasn't one of them but the fact alone that far more 18-to-25-year-olds are caught speeding than the average German driver speaks volumes

I think that applies pretty much everywhere.

[florduh]

Good plan. If we don't drink it, we're not real Christians. If we do, we're probably dead. So, it's a win-win for you. UNLESS we drink it and actually live.

 

Greetings, Drifter.

 

I don't think a win/lose scenario was the idea. It's just another way of pointing out that even people who claim they are Bible-believing Christians pick and choose which parts they believe.

 

In addition to not drinking poison, I've noticed a lack of moving mountains and doing even greater works than Jesus. I've seen no one sell all their possessions and give all to the poor. You must know what I mean. "God said it, I believe it, that settles it" - I call bullshit.

 

To reiterate my earlier post: Honestly, I admire the snake handlers for being true to the religion, however misguided. When Christians start deciding which parts of the inerrant word of God they're going to ignore, handling snakes is number one. To me that proves they don't REALLY believe the Bible. The Appalachian snake handlers actually take their God at his word.

 

DO YOU?

[Karhoof]

Good plan. If we don't drink it, we're not real Christians. If we do, we're probably dead. So, it's a win-win for you. UNLESS we drink it and actually live.

So.... which one is it?

 

Is your faith greater than the size of a mustard seed?

[Spiderwire]

Good plan. If we don't drink it, we're not real Christians. If we do, we're probably dead. So, it's a win-win for you. UNLESS we drink it and actually live.

 

I haven't checked out any of your posts yet, so I don't know if you're playing nicely with all the boys and girls or if you're going immediately into fucking prick mode, but I can certainly see the self-righteous smirk on your face as you typed that. "UNLESS we drink it an actually live, you heathen! That would fix your little red wagon, wouldn't it? THEN you'd see the power of my God! Hallelujah!!! Yes, Lord! Glooooo-ray!" You wouldn't drink anything poisonous if someone had a shotgun pointed at your head and you know it. You love the thought of doing it and emerging unscathed - imagining how your God would allow a belly full of bleach to magically cascade through your digestive system without so much as a hiccup. That same warm and fuzzy you get thinking about that is probably similar to the one you get when imagining Jesus coming through the clouds to sweep you away to his magical kindgom in the sky one day.

 

What an absolutely delusional state of mind to choose to possess.

[Thurisaz]

Good plan. If we don't drink it, we're not real Christians. If we do, we're probably dead. So, it's a win-win for you. UNLESS we drink it and actually live.

 

Correction: Unless you drink it and remain unharmed.

 

So... you willing to do it? You willing to put your money where your mouth is?

[Thurisaz]

In addition to not drinking poison, I've noticed a lack of moving mountains and doing even greater works than Jesus. I've seen no one sell all their possessions and give all to the poor. You must know what I mean. "God said it, I believe it, that settles it" - I call bullshit.

 

:whs:

[Robbobrob]

Let's pretend for a moment that someone proves to us that he did drink posion and come out unharmed? Even if he can link such a thing to his god, that only really proves that that particular god is a jerk.....because he picks and chooses from humanity whom to not harm and whom to all harm come to. Ick. How disgusting.

 

That is a mark of a devil in my book. Only evil beings would pick sides like that. True Universal Deities would not, being here for us all.