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Quick Responses To Avoid Long Discussions


KT45
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In a few more weeks and a month college will start back up again and I will be faced with a dilemma. I didn’t deconvert from Christianity until the end of the semester near finals. Before then I went to bible study, some youth fellowship thing, church and blah, blah, blah. Anyway toward the end of school I didn’t do as well as I liked since I failed a class (thermodynamics sucks!!! :vent: ) but it a lot to do with the fact that I was studying like crazy. I mean who could concentrate when you feel that the faith you grew up with was all a lie. I bookmarked many websites and read many books. As you can probably guess it was a big distraction that hurt in the long run.

 

Well when school starts again I can predict another distraction. Other Christians. Many don’t know I deconverted. I can’t see myself avoiding them and eventually they will come and try to ask me stupid questions. “Why aren’t you in bible study?” or “Do you want to go to church with us?” etc. Now as much as I would love to debate for hours with each Christian that knows me :ugh: I need to concentrate on my studies. I would like to know the quickest strategies to avoid long conversations or debates that are longer than 5 minutes. Of course as many of you know this is harder than it seems. Because no matter what explanation you give you usually can’t leave it at that. To the person you are talking to you aren’t merely giving explanations for why don’t believe, you are saying things that threaten their faith so they have to explain themselves. I’ll try to give an example.

 

Them: Hey I haven’t seen you in bible study lately. You used to always go. What happened?

Me: I choose not to go anymore

Them: Why?

Me: Well I’m not a Christian anymore

 

Okay at this point you get the typical shocked look. Why would someone want to leave a loving religion like Christianity? More than likely they figure you did it so you have the opportunity to sin now without guilt. Of course no one actually leaves Christianity for anyone reason but I won’t feel like going through all of them. Anyway let’s continue. At this point any number of questions could pop up but I’ll just shorten up those responses into one word.

 

Them: Why?

 

Okay this is the part I don’t want to last long. My response can’t lead to a debate or anymore questions afterwards. I also have to remember that anything that I say can and will probably lead to a discussion about them trying to defend there faith or even worse bring in some pastor to speak with me and waste my time :ugh: I could say “I don’t want to discuss it right now” but that will leave them with the impression that I did it so I can be a sinner. That and I would feel like I’m running away from a conversation.

 

Okay here are my possible responses to this question. Please give me your insight or even better responses than these

 

1. Me: There are many reasons I don’t follow YHWH

Them: Whose YHWH?

Me: If you don’t even know who YHWH is it would be a waste of time explaining myself to you.

 

2. Me: You know most of those times where it’s hard to figure out why YHWH did something or he

did something you couldn’t understand.

Them: Yeah

Me: Well I left because of all of those and then some. (While they are thinking I have time to run away.)

 

3. Me: Well it’s 3 three simple things. I’ve studied facts that would lead me to believe the bible and YHWH aren’t real. Secondly there are many things that YHWH did that I considered immoral. Lastly I don't feel christianity is the best resource for producing freethinking moral people. (Of course I have more reasons but I want a quick conversation. By giving more than one reason I’m hoping that they will think it’s too much time to comprehend and leave)

 

4. Me: I believe the bible is just like mythology.

Them: But it is real

Me: Prove it!! ( I don’t like this one because they might try to or they will try to later)

 

5. Me: I don’t feel Jesus in me

Them: Why don’t you give him another chance

Me: I’ve been a Christian for 10 years. I’ve given him many chances. I just quit. Maybe if he reveals himself to me I will believe (I hate this one. It’s too sentimental and crap. I didn’t join because I wanted to feel I want Jesus. I joined because they told me I’d go to hell if I didn’t at the age of ten. It's kinda funny though, to make sure I didn't go to hell I got saved about 5 or 6 times just to make sure :lmao: .)

 

6. Me: Why should I keep following a hateful God that’s not real

Them: but Jesus loves you….

Me: Fuck you (This is good if I want to feel badass, but I think the Christian will walk away feeling like she has one somehow like she just avoid a conversation with an antichrist.

 

Well, what do you think? Thoughts? Suggestions?

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Gosh, you really are in a bind!

 

My deconversion began last summer, so it really wasn't an issue for me during school. However, I can relate to dealing with non-school related stress, during the school year. And that just adds more to the situation.

 

My best advice for you is to just lie about it. I know it is a copout but it saves time and stress. I haven't told my mom that I no longer believe in the Bible(although I allude to it sometime). I just go along to get along. It sucks for awhile because you want to yell out, "How can you believe that shit?" But you get used to it, especially when you don't want to waste time debating.

You can make up any excuse not to hang around them; however, you need to just finesse that your lack of faith to them. Because you know they are going to start praying and evangelizing and etc, etc...

 

I think you might eventually fall away from them. It is really hard to be friends with Christians. Many of them are incredibly arrogant and pious.

So my advice is to just give it to them in doses...eventually they'll get the hint that you don't have that in common with them anymore.

 

Good luck.

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Them: Hey I haven’t seen you in bible study lately. You used to always go. What happened?

Me: I choose not to go anymore

Them: Why?

Me: Well I’m not a Christian anymore

 

Okay at this point you get the typical shocked look. Why would someone want to leave a loving religion like Christianity? More than likely they figure you did it so you have the opportunity to sin now without guilt. Of course no one actually leaves Christianity for anyone reason but I won’t feel like going through all of them.

 

And the insideous side effect???? You still care about what they think. YOU are worried about how they will view your conversion and the reasons for it.

 

So what if they think you did it to freely run around sinning?

 

All you have to say is this if you care.... "I did the research, found out my former beliefs were based on stories that had themselves been based on even older former beliefs. My life is too short to worry about whether or not my beliefs are in line with the wishes of a deity who cannot seem to speak up about those wishes. I have to study now. Talk to you later."

 

And if you don't care...."Sure you want to ask? You might get spattered with my skeptic juice."

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Yeah, that's a hard position. I'm actually in the same one - to an extent. I personally have always prefered to tell the truth. So, what's the truth in this case? You say you don't want to talk to them about it. Just tell them that. If they are true Christians and really are your friends they won't bother you with it. Granted, their religion tells them to "compel" others to come to Christ. But it's really none of their business what you believe, and you don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to. Just tell them the truth - you don't want to discuss it.

 

Just my 2 cents

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Turn the tables on them. Put THEM on the defensive. Ask them why they don't believe in "Allah", "Vishnu", "Zeus", "Mithras", or my personal favorite, "Santa Claus". Don't let them weasel out of it either. Demand their reasons for denying these other "gods" and Santa. When they finish giving you their litany of reasons for rejecting these other obvious myths, just say "Ditto!"

 

Or as Stephen Roberts said, "I contend that we are all atheists. I simply believe in one less god than you. When you understand why you deny all other gods, you will understand why I reject yours."

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My best advice for you is to just lie about it. I know it is a copout but it saves time and stress. I haven't told my mom that I no longer believe in the Bible(although I allude to it sometime). I just go along to get along. It sucks for awhile because you want to yell out, "How can you believe that shit?" But you get used to it, especially when you don't want to waste time debating.

You can make up any excuse not to hang around them; however, you need to just finesse that your lack of faith to them. Because you know they are going to start praying and evangelizing and etc, etc...

So my advice is to just give it to them in doses...eventually they'll get the hint that you don't have that in common with them anymore.

Thanks for the advice. But in actuality I can't see myself living that way. Pretending to be what I'm not, going to church meetings, saying I love Jesus would really eat at me you know. Even if I did avoid bible studies or church meeting or my old christian friends, in the end I would feel like I'm running away. It's like I'm not being me. I've lived my life in fear and by being quite natured for a long time and hated myself for it. Pretending to love something I don't just......hurts. I'm not really sure how you deal with it LosingMyReligion. Maybe you are a stronger person than I. But I really can't see myself pretending.

 

And the insideous side effect???? You still care about what they think. YOU are worried about how they will view your conversion and the reasons for it.

 

So what if they think you did it to freely run around sinning?

 

All you have to say is this if you care.... "I did the research, found out my former beliefs were based on stories that had themselves been based on even older former beliefs. My life is too short to worry about whether or not my beliefs are in line with the wishes of a deity who cannot seem to speak up about those wishes. I have to study now. Talk to you later."

You are right I still do care about what they think. That's been my attitude for a while, worry about how others would feel about me changing or how they would feel about me speaking my mind. I've constantly lived my life worrying about what people think of me and I'm sick and tired of it. Thanks for the advice. I also like your advice about a quick responses. I'm trying to picture myself saying that and the christian still hounding me with stuff like "wait can we talk about this" or "I still don't understand"

 

I was thinking of another response by saying "I've already discussed this with my father who is a pastor and I still haven't changed my mind. I really don't want to be bothered with this issue or have another debate about it!"

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Thanks for the advice. But in actuality I can't see myself living that way. Pretending to be what I'm not, going to church meetings, saying I love Jesus would really eat at me you know. Even if I did avoid bible studies or church meeting or my old christian friends, in the end I would feel like I'm running away. It's like I'm not being me. I've lived my life in fear and by being quite natured for a long time and hated myself for it. Pretending to love something I don't just......hurts. I'm not really sure how you deal with it LosingMyReligion. Maybe you are a stronger person than I. But I really can't see myself pretending.

 

Actually, I don't do anything. I don't goto church...I don't goto Bible Study...and I don't have anything to do with Christianity.

I just tell my mom(keyword being my mom)that I am still into the bible. If I told my mom that I no longer believed in Christianity--ontop of my being gay too--that would take her outta here.

I basically lie about it for the greater good...But if your circumstances are not as dire I say screw em. :) Just tell them you are into it anymore.

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Turn the tables on them. Put THEM on the defensive. Ask them why they don't believe in "Allah", "Vishnu", "Zeus", "Mithras", or my personal favorite, "Santa Claus". Don't let them weasel out of it either. Demand their reasons for denying these other "gods" and Santa. When they finish giving you their litany of reasons for rejecting these other obvious myths, just say "Ditto!"

I like that one but there is only one problem I see with it

Me: Why don't you believe in other gods, like zeus on allah?

Them: Because the bible says so

Me: Ditto!.....Wait, God dammit!!! :lmao:

 

Or as Stephen Roberts said, "I contend that we are all atheists. I simply believe in one less god than you. When you understand why you deny all other gods, you will understand why I reject yours."

I have to memorize that one

 

"I don't believe in a supreme being, but I do believe in the freedom of religion. Let us depart with different beliefs."

I like your response Han, it's really simple to do. I'm trying to picture this response in a normal conversation and I can only see like a scene in shakespeare

Me: Let us depart with our different beliefs

Them: Splendid!!! And depart we shall til we meet again my good man. Cherrio!!!

Me: And a grand day to you as well!!!!

....And they pulled up their pantolooms and walked away :grin:

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Hm. Short, sweet, and to the point. How about...

 

Them: Hm, we haven't seen you in Buybull study lately... why not?

You: I don't feel like going.

Them: Why not?

You: I just don't. So how about them Cubs?

 

Them: Hm. We haven't seen you in church lately... why not?

You: I don't attend.

Them: Why not?

You: Because I don't. So how 'bout them Mariners?

 

Them: Hey there, want to go to church with us?

You: No, thank you.

 

Them: Why?

You: Look, if you really want an answer, email me about it and we can discuss it. I don't want to go into it right now.

 

If they press it, you can pull the broken record tactic, and just keep repeating "I'd rather not discuss it now." If they don't back off after 3 repeats of that phrase, change your phrase to "I'm not going to discuss it now." And just keep repeating it, over and over again.

 

If you want to get into a talk about it, that's fine, and it's up to you. If not, you don't have to tell them anything at all. Just a simple, "no thank you" or "I'm not going to talk about it" is fine. If they press the issue, they're being rude.

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Actually, I don't do anything. I don't goto church...I don't goto Bible Study...and I don't have anything to do with Christianity.

I just tell my mom(keyword being my mom)that I am still into the bible. If I told my mom that I no longer believed in Christianity--ontop of my being gay too--that would take her outta here.

I basically lie about it for the greater good...But if your circumstances are not as dire I say screw em. :) Just tell them you are into it anymore.

I went through that with my parents and I thought they might kick me out. Thankfully they are understanding. I just have to deal with the random debates.

 

Do you still live with your parents? Do you have to sneak in your boyfriend in the house or hide any "reading material"? It would just seem difficult to live hiding your sexuality without some emotional consquences

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I just say, "I don't care to discuss that subject." "I really don't have time to talk about this" works well too.

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I failed (well, it was a D) this one class the first time because it was really hard, I failed it the second time because I was obsessede with reading about ex-christain stuff and I didn't study like I should have... so I feel your pain. Once my psychological issues were resolved, I was able to get an A in that class. :)

 

I would just avoid talking to Christiansm if you can. :shrug:

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Heh. Or if they get really nosy you could just tell them you eat babies for breakfast. Then ask if they have any, or if they're planning to have any... and tell them, "Great! I'll definitely have to keep in touch!" :fdevil:

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I wouldn't waste a minute arguing with them. They ain't worth it. Since you are not a christian anymore, lying is OK--little white lies, I mean.

 

1) I have class on xxx day and time (when bible study happens).

2) I got a part time job and I work that day

3) I go to another church -- rats, I really got to go. I am meeting my study group at the library.

4) I am sort of busy right now;

5) blah, blah, blah

 

That's what I would do, because somewhere along the way, I realized that I really don't give a damn what other people think about me. Sinner? Lier? Loud? Antisocial? Free country they can think whatever they like. Their problem, not mine.

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Well, what do you think? Thoughts? Suggestions?

 

I was a PK (pastor's kid) at a Lutheran college, so I went through something similar to what you went through.

 

My experience is that for most people at college, what you believe and how you show it isn't that big of a deal. In my Freshman year, I had a few people who know my background ask if I wanted to go with them to Sunday services, or to the Christian coffee-house bible study. I just told them "no", and after a few repititions, that was pretty much the end of it.

 

Friends/acquaintances aren't like your parents or pastors - they're more concerned with doing well in school than with your spiritual health.

 

If you come across some who want to have the discussion, you could choose to be honest and tell them that you're an atheist, but most theists translate "atheist" as "satan worshipper" (or something in that vein).

 

You might consider telling people that you are agnostic. Most christians translate that as "hasn't really decided what you believe", and while that's not strictly true, it's true enough.

 

Hope that helps

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You could also answer, "I'm a true Christian already. A Nontheistic Liberal Unitarian Monist Christian, with some inclination to Objectivism and Humanism. So shut up. I'm busy praying to myself."

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My responses would be:

 

How come you don't go to Bible Study anymore?

Don't feel like it.

 

If they try to encourage you to go, say thanks but no thanks and change the subject.

 

Would you like to go to church with us?

Thanks, but no thanks.

 

If it's someone you otherwise enjoy the company of and would like to hang out with say "Thanks, but no thanks. Would you like to meet for coffee later?"

 

Never get into answering "Why" or say you aren't a christian anymore. Then it just opens them up for evangelizing. All you have to say if they ask is "It's personal and I'd rather not talk about it." Most people respect that.

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People often forget that "None of your business" is a truthful and reasonable response to many questions. If you prefer something a little more diplomatic, you can say, "Well, it's a long story..." and the not offer to tell the story.

 

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. No one is entitled to an explanation of your feelings, decisions, or opinions.

 

Never complain and never explain.

- Benjamin Disraeli

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If it's someone you otherwise enjoy the company of and would like to hang out with say "Thanks, but no thanks. Would you like to meet for coffee later?"

 

 

And if it's someone you don't particularly like, just tell 'em "Cram it, churchie!" :lmao:

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