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Christianity - The Death Cult... And Spiritual Abuse

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I have posted snippets of my deconversion journey before. It has been a gradual process that has not yet fully ended. I'm going to share a few personal experiences with a Christian organization in hopes that others who have faced similar situations can find solace in knowing that they are not alone.


In my life, I have used religion as a coping mechanism for pain. Two years ago a relationship ended badly which served as the catalyst for a long, intensive depression. The ended relationship was not the cause of the depression, but its failure accentuated deeper emotional pains. It should be noted that the mental anguish I was experiencing would be classified as more of a functional depression. I managed to continue my career and was promoted twice within this time. However, away from the office, the demons began slashing at my soul.


There came a point in that depressive state that I was faced with what I perceived to be my only two options: suicide or religion. The first I contemplated to such an extent that a suicide note was composed. I kept it in an area of my home that could be located easily by anyone should I make the random choice to end it all at a whim. I eventually concluded that suicide was a selfish and silly option. Instead of seeking professional help, I reverted to the only coping method that had seemed to work for me in the past: religion.


I became involved in an evangelical missionary organization whose primary focus was aimed at the Dalit, or untouchable class, of the Hindu caste system in India. In order to join this organization in a full time capacity, it was required that each potential staff member raise their own monthly financial support. While I continued working my usual sixty-five hour week in my current field, I spent every other waking minute composing letters and reaching out to friends, family, and acquaintances for monthly support. Once seventy-five percent of the monthly support was raised, I would quit my lucrative career and devote my life to what I perceived at that time to be a noble cause. Though I never expressed this, internally I believed that if I self-sacrificed enough, the depression would leave me. Indeed, for a time it did.


This organization often spoke about suffering for the sake of Christianity. In fact, when their seminary/bible college students graduated in India, one of the first acts of their ministry would be to go to the outskirts of a remote village in India, dig their own graves, and pray that they would be willing to die under persecution for their efforts in evangelizing the non-Christian people groups of the Indian subcontinent.


This organization stressed the need to be emotionally and spiritually broken. It is in that brokenness, they would say, that Jesus could shine through a person’s life. They would constantly speak about the need for complete humility in an individual’s life. Examples were given of people that applied to join this ministry but were rejected because they were not humble enough. As I was in my period of raising support, I was told on numerous occasions that Satan would tempt me away from the organization by increasing my wealth through promotions in my current profession.


Eventually, I began to see similarities of authoritarian control in this organization similar to what I had experienced in Mormonism and other Christian cults. Instead of sinking back into the depressive mire, I simply cut off contact with this organization. I threw myself one hundred and ten percent into my current profession and gave myself very little free time outside of work. The prophecy of promotion came true. Nevertheless, it was not because Satan was tempting me with riches, but because I produced results that were pleasing to my superiors. During this time I also began thinking very critically about the diversity of my past religious experiences. I started reading books by rational thinkers, and began seriously questioning my belief in any form of divinity.


Several weeks ago, one of the leaders of this missionary organization contacted me. I had not gone about severing ties with this organization the correct way. Instead of confronting this demon from my past, I simply cut off contact. I did not even write letters to those that had agreed to support me on a monthly basis informing them of my decision not to move forward. So when this individual called, I decided I needed to stop avoiding this situation. I agreed to meet with him last Friday.


It was during this meeting that I came to a deeper realization of how very susceptible I have been to religious control. The gentleman I met, looking very haggard, spoke in a very solemn tone. He used many Biblical references. He asked me vague questions like, “Did you feel like the Lord ever called you to this organization?” The questions he asked were all subjective. As he was asking me these questions, I thought about how subjectively I have lived my life. The spiritual paths I have taken in my life have all been based on feeling.


As he spoke, the thought came to my mind, “this guy is quoting the Bible like an indoctrinated Muslim would quote the Qur’an. He is speaking about eternity and answering to Jesus for not following Him fully the way an Imam would speak about Allah.” I began to feel sick to my stomach. In the past, I would never have equated a Christian organization with Islamic fanaticism. And yet, during that conversation, I saw fully that it seemed to be very, very similar. No, this Christian organization does not promote suicide bombing, but they speak of death and martyrdom as being one of the highest sacrifices. An organization like this does not seek long-term, peaceful, solutions to the injustice in the world. The only peace they promote is that which is found in Christianity. In this organization’s collective mind, there is no hope for reconciliation between peoples of diverse faith traditions. Their goal is Christianize the world, even at the expense of their own lives. It is another death cult. Christianity is a death cult.


The meeting concluded, and I left in a very emotionally distraught state. I could not bring myself to renouncing Jesus and telling this true believer my inner thoughts at the time. Each time I tried bringing up the subject, I was shut down by Bible verses and lessons in humility.


And so, I will write a letter. This letter will be different than the one I wrote to the Mormon Church when removing myself from its records in 1999. And yet, it will be the same. I am hopeful that when this experience is fully closed, I will never again submit myself to spiritual abuse in order to cope with emotional pain. I am hopeful that I will recognize spiritual abuse before submitting to its control.




Johnny Smith

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"The Death Cult" is right. After I left it occured to me just how morbid it was. It even rivaled and beat ancient Egyptian religion.


I remember once watching a program on TV about Hindus and they were shown in the temples purifying themselves by the sacred fire. My mother, who thinks anybody who isn't white and Christian is absolutely dangerously bizarre, said something along the lines of, "Eeew, look at those freaks and their 'sacred fire'. What kind of nut case holds fire sacred?"


It occured to me that it made a lot more sense to honor an element that did, in fact, purify (after all, water and food are only safe to eat and drink after being heated by fire) and provided both light and comfort, than worship in front of the ancient Roman torture device your God was murdered on, and eat your God's dead body and drink your God's shred blood every other Sunday. It's ironic that it mirrors the supposed Satanic rituals Christianity condemned for thousands of years and is still condemning.

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Exactly - what kind of freaks hold symbolic cannibalism to be sacred?


Oh my word, we were all that kind of freaks!


We were also freaks who thought it made perfect sense that we should grovel in gratefulness, fear and pleading before an invisible supreme being who deliberately created us with the impulses he despises; personally decided that all the 'bad' options he would make possible for us then forbid to us be diametrically opposed to the motivations he built into our fabric; conceived and implemented the cruelest of consequences for making such choices; deliberately and with forethought, created an evil being then gave him the sweet deal of earth as his sandbox and human souls as his playthings, singlehandedly staging the entire 'original sin' scenario so that he could lock billions upon billions into his punitive, premeditated gameplan with the actions of 2 naive and innocent people; then from that point on, gleefully demanded the mass death, bloodshed and pain and torment of innocent animals and people, culiminating in the unltimate martyr-complex drama queen slaying of his own offspring, so that we will be forever piddling ourselves before him for his great sacrifice, doing our best to appease him so that he may 'save us' from this whole cruel end-to-end brainchild of his. Our only true raison d'etre is to try to avoid becoming too happy and comfortable making ourselves and other living beings a priority, so that we may earn the highly prized future opportunity to prostrate ourselves before him, nonstop, for all eternity - so that his ego's unquenchable desire for adoration and worship may in the end, be finally sated the way he always needed it to be. Those of whom by accident of birth or defect of thought process are incapable of satisfying his needs properly - well off to the fires of neverending torture they deservedly go.


Big fat difference between him and that satan character we genius apes also invented.

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