Jump to content

My Friend Died Today


Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

I met Rico 14 years ago when I was in a christian cult. A church friend of mine introduced me to him because he thought I'd be better equipped to convert him. He was way too smart for me to convert him, but we did become lifelong friends in the process.

 

Rico had muscular dystrophy, a rare kind. Most cases of MD live to their late teens. Rico had been told he had as little as a year to live since he was 15. He made it to 36. When I met Rico he was 6ft tall and about 130 lbs, maybe less. He could walk with a cane. The vertebrae of his ceck were fused together so he couldn't turn his head, and a childhood illness had left him with only the ability to whisper. But, he had the greatest, most generous and loving attitude of anyone I know. As the years went on he became wheelchair bound and emaciated and only someone familiar with him and listening very closely could discern his speech.

 

A few years ago he and a friend set off for Burning Man. Little did I know he wasn't coming back. He had never really had a family of his own and on his journey he met a girl who took him in to her family, so he moved to Tallahassee Florida. I was so happy to see him finally be happy and have all the support that he needed. He visited me once, a couple years ago, and we had a great time. We've kept in contact through email and IMs, but I always kept promising I would come visit him. Now it seems I'll finally be going to visit him, for the funeral.

 

His girlfriend Rachel told me this morning that he had been sick for a couple of weeks, and then just collapsed. By the time the ambulance arrived there was irreperable brain damage and the took him off life suport this morning.

 

He emailed me last week asking for words of love and I dropped the ball. I could have told him how very very much I loved him and always will, but i responded with a single flippant sentence. I know he knew I loved him, but holy christ, I don't know if I regret anything I've ever done in my life more that that at this moment. So, I'm telling you guys.

 

I'll never forget exactly what it felt like to be hugged by him, the gentle stick-man. I'll never forget the hours upon hours we spent talking about life, both before and after my deconversion. I'll never forget how he tearfully confessed his most heinous sin to me one night, that he had once kicked a dog. I laughed a bit inside. Rico was a wonderful human being with more life in his frail body than many athletes I've known. And Rico loved to love. Everyone could tell and everyone loved him back. I'm going to miss him so so much. My only comfort is that his suffereing is through. He didn't deserve one instant of it.

 

Goodbye Rico. I love you, bro.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(((HUG)))

 

My sympathies Shiva.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. When folks are sick and their health is bad, most of the people around them become platitude boxes and talking Hallmark models instead of just being themselves. Effectively eulogizing the person before they are even gone, instead of just being the people this person knew and valued all his life.

 

Don't be harsh on yourself for being yourself. Your friend knew you cared, and he may have even appreciated your "flippance" simply for it's being genuine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry, Shiva. It sucks losing people you love. It sucks even worse when you feel like there was anything left unsaid or undone before they had to check out. :(

 

Thank you for posting about him. He sounds like he was a great guy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(((Shiva, Rachel, and other friends of RIco)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But, truly, he does live...in your heart and memory and how your life was affected by his.

If death is the end...celebrate life. Tears, sobs, regrets... All a part of celebrating life, as well.

When someone (especially a dear friend) passes...we naturally judge how we treated them.

The greatest gift you can give him...is to value the gifts he imparted to you.

-Saddened for the loss and pain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

It's all gravy, homey. The ringer's crush brings a necessary wave of relief. I feel like I've been doing squat thrusts for the last 12 hours. There's nothing I can do but be sure to let my loved ones know as often as I can that they are loved.

 

I love you, fwee.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's all gravy, homey. The ringer's crush brings a necessary wave of relief. I feel like I've been doing squat thrusts for the last 12 hours. There's nothing I can do but be sure to let my loved ones know as often as I can that they are loved.
Consider yourself fortunate that you have loved ones that allow such a heartfelt showing without thinking that you're some sort of psycho for expressing such sentiments.

 

I love you, fwee.
Now you're gonna make me cry. Is this payback for my 'bugs in your butt' comment? :HappyCry:

 

I love you too, Shiva. :HappyCry:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Shiva H. Vishnu
Consider yourself fortunate that you have loved ones that allow such a heartfelt showing without thinking that you're some sort of psycho for expressing such sentiments.

 

Don't get me started on my family. If any of them go I have no idea how I'll handle it. Worst of all, if I have to see my sister die..............goddamn I don't even want to think about it. Bitterness and I would never experience a solitary moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Shiva, I'm so sorry to hear of this loss, but I am glad you told us about Rico. (Did you mention him previously?) I'm glad that he had 21 years beyond what the doctors said, and they sound like very good years despite the increasing weakness. I'm glad for what Rico and you shared together for all those years.

 

Yours, ficino

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.