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Save Yourself By Becoming An Atheist


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http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/...articleID=11875

 

Save Yourself By Becoming An Atheist

Stan Grimes

July 26, 2006

 

Religionists get all riled up when news agencies trumpet the “all out war” between Israel and Hezbollah. Armageddon is whispered in Christian chapels all over Christendom. The Second Coming is shouted from the rooftops of zealots everywhere. Christ is coming again and he’s going to judge all you buggers. If you want to live on a glorified planet or go to the kingdom with golden streets and winged harpists, you better get on your knees and beg forgiveness for all those terrible things you’ve done. You know, like when you lusted after your neighbor’s husband or wife and that other time when you took five bucks out of the collection plate…you know what I’m talking about. Don’t look so surprised. You know who’s been naughty or nice.

 

Don’t panic. I have some saving news for you. The best way to weasel out of this Apocalypse is to change your belief. That’s right. Become an atheist. It’s easy. Convert to the truth and you will be passed by when you hear of earthquakes in diverse places and when somebody tries to tattoo the numbers 666 on your belly button. Just take your queue from Dorothy of the “Wizard of Oz” and close your eyes, snap your shoes together three times, and you will be saved from the hurricane that’s about to beset you.

 

It will be the simplest thing you will ever experience. Here’s how to do it. Walk slowly into your bedroom, skip the kneeling by your bedside thing, and lay calmly down on your bed. Close your eyes and begin thinking about Santa Claus, remember to be perfectly silent. Now, compare Santa Claus to God and repeat three times, God and Santa are the same. Soon you will begin to hear jingle bells outside of your bedroom and you will see the red glowing nose of Rudolph. This is the first step to an atheist epiphany. Once you realize that God is actually Santa Claus, your belief in the mythical Armageddon will dissipate into the atmosphere; in other words, it will vaporize into the land of make believe.

 

Take my word for it. Santa will save you and remember Santa has many helpers including the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and several Keebler elves. Peace of mind will overcome your continuous guilt for sleeping with that Joe Doe guy you met in a bar on Girls Night Out and that little sliver of guilt you have carried around for years in your conscience for taking your neighbor’s newspaper because the paperboy threw yours in a mud puddle. Remember, if you know the truth, the truth will set you free. Free yourself of your myths and accept Santa as your savior.

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Rev,

 

As much as I respect your posts on this site and on your own, I frankly am surprised at the lack of response to this particular post.

 

I don't see the present problem in Israel and Lebanon as anything but political. This is just plain zionism, a political and social movement that has been going on for decades, even preceding the Holocaust. Christians and some Jews may make something biblical about it, but I do not. It's "liebensraum", as the Germans, used to say, "living space". And the goal of Israel right now is hegemony in its area, as a protection against encroachment by muslim peoples who populate the region, and perhaps even dominate.

 

Even if the call to atheism were answered en masse, it would not change the issue. It's more a class of cultures and competition for land and resources than a matter of religious dominance.

 

If we who are atheists seek to advance our position in a world dominated by the monotheistic religious dogmas, I think we need to take a different track than the one proposed by Grimes.

 

Piprus

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Rev,

 

As much as I respect your posts on this site and on your own, I frankly am surprised at the lack of response to this particular post.

 

I don't see the present problem in Israel and Lebanon as anything but political. This is just plain zionism, a political and social movement that has been going on for decades, even preceding the Holocaust. Christians and some Jews may make something biblical about it, but I do not. It's "liebensraum", as the Germans, used to say, "living space". And the goal of Israel right now is hegemony in its area, as a protection against encroachment by muslim peoples who populate the region, and perhaps even dominate.

 

Even if the call to atheism were answered en masse, it would not change the issue. It's more a class of cultures and competition for land and resources than a matter of religious dominance.

 

If we who are atheists seek to advance our position in a world dominated by the monotheistic religious dogmas, I think we need to take a different track than the one proposed by Grimes.

 

Piprus

 

It was meant to be a joke. :)

 

Hatred transcends religious differences. Israel and the surrounding nations have a long and bloody history against one another, and that's something that's not soon forgotten. It seems to me that the entire Middle East is caught in a giant cycle of revenge. I can certainly sympathize as my wife and I often get caught in the same thing -- on a much smaller scale, of course. It's really hard to put the hatchet down when you're still steaming from the last attack!

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It seems to me that the entire Middle East is caught in a giant cycle of revenge.

 

WORD!

 

:banghead:

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Heh, I would expect someone familiar with the lore of Asatru--especially the sagas--to know exactly what problems arise from continuing a cycle of revenge. A different interpretation than the original writers of the sagas intended, perhaps, but the problem associated with such a cycle are both universal and deplorable. But I have no doubt that it would be extremely difficult for either side to put down arms, let alone both.

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Here is another way atheist are saved from the end times. In those times everyone is supposed to worship the "Beast" or the false prophet. Atheist don't worship anyone or any deity so if everyone was an atheist then the end times could never come.

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Here is another way atheist are saved from the end times. In those times everyone is supposed to worship the "Beast" or the false prophet. Atheist don't worship anyone or any deity so if everyone was an atheist then the end times could never come.

But we all know atheists really know and care about god and they will obviously care about anyone who opposes him. :lmao:

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That was amusing. Thanks for the link. Saddly, I wonder if anything will ever be solved in the Middle East.

 

You're welcome. I thought it was pretty funny, too.

 

I don't know. Who thought that'd we'd ever be friends with the Russia? I sure didn't. Perhaps, thorugh some hard to imagine chain of events, they will find peace in that region.

 

 

Here is another way atheist are saved from the end times. In those times everyone is supposed to worship the "Beast" or the false prophet. Atheist don't worship anyone or any deity so if everyone was an atheist then the end times could never come.

 

lol... Yeah, you should try and sell that idea to all the end times people. I'd really like to know what they'd say. :)

 

 

Here is another way atheist are saved from the end times. In those times everyone is supposed to worship the "Beast" or the false prophet. Atheist don't worship anyone or any deity so if everyone was an atheist then the end times could never come.

But we all know atheists really know and care about god and they will obviously care about anyone who opposes him. :lmao:

 

Yes, we're all just closet believers here. No True Atheist™ exists! No, not one. lol...

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