Why God Owes All Masturbators An Apology

[Guest Glaswegian]

Thanks to modern science we know that when the average male in his prime ejaculates his semen contains enough sperm to populate half of China - 600 million spermatozoa in a typical spurt. Therefore, Jewish religious leaders who lived at the time of Jesus were wrong when they held that masturbation was a grave sin because it was a deliberate waste of sperm that should have been used solely to add to the population. Now, given that one of the attributes of God is omniscience, why didn't the God who was allegedly in Jesus tell those Jewish religious leaders that all of that stuff they proclaimed about 'spilt seed' was completely at odds with the facts of human biology? That it was idiotic of them to gnash their teeth over 'spilt seed' since there was enough seed in the testes of any one of them to populate all the planets in the Milky Way in the course of a lifetime?

 

But do you know what is even more contemptible than those Jewish religious leaders' attitude towards masturbation? God's attitude towards it. After all, if He is omniscient and knows 'all things at all times in all places' then He must have known that the religion born of His alleged Son would wreak havoc on the mental and emotional life of hundreds of millions of people as a result of the anxiety and guilt it fostered regarding the practice of masturbation. He must have been fully aware that the Christian religion's teachings about masturbation would cause misery and suffering on an enormous scale across the centuries.

 

For example, some of the 'remedies' for masturbation in young boys which the Christian religion has inspired are as follows:

 

'Tying boys' hands to their bedposts or chaining them to walls when they slept; putting a wire ring through the foreskin of the penis or wearing a spiked ring on the penis, both procedures making erection and stimulation extremely painful; the wearing of straitjacket-like restraints to keep the hands away from forbidden territory; and, in a few cases, even castration and removal of the penis.'

 

Since these cruel and unnatural 'remedies' for masturbation in young boys derive from a religion whose founder professed that he regarded the 'suffering of little ones' as particularly abhorrent, you would think that the God who was allegedly in Jesus would have been strongly moved to inculcate a more enlightened view about masturbation in His Son's contemporaries not only for their sake but for the sake of future generations destined to be exposed to the Christian creed, wouldn't you? But He is silent on the matter.

 

Regards

 

James

[Renfield]

Female masturbation is worse.

Talk about upsetting the patriarchal minded. I'm 57 and while I was growing up I've come across all kinds of moronic ideas.

Religion needed members and the best way to do that was to condemn homosexuality and masturbation and in some cases contraception. The only time one was supposed to even think about sex was within marriage and the more kids the better.

I remember reading that clitoral orgasms were infantile and vaginal were mature. Oh, yes even after the sexual revolution.

Religion used Onan( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan )as the reason masturbation was bad. Then later it was decided he didn't masturbate but instead used coitus interruptus, also bad.

I've always had trouble understanding why pleasure is such a taboo in this counrty.

[Asimov]

Thanks to modern science we know that when the average male in his prime ejaculates his semen contains enough sperm to populate half of China - 600 million spermatozoa in a typical spurt. Therefore, Jewish religious leaders who lived at the time of Jesus were wrong when they held that masturbation was a grave sin because it was a deliberate waste of sperm that should have been used solely to add to the population. Now, given that one of the attributes of God is omniscience, why didn't the God who was allegedly in Jesus tell those Jewish religious leaders that all of that stuff they proclaimed about 'spilt seed' was completely at odds with the facts of human biology? That it was idiotic of them to gnash their teeth over 'spilt seed' since there was enough seed in the testes of any one of them to populate all the planets in the Milky Way in the course of a lifetime?

 

I think if I were God I'd want to disassociate myself from the morons as much as possible.

[Guest Glaswegian]

Since it first appeared on the earth - and throughout its long and deplorable history - the Christian religion has been the mother of sexual insanity. The mental asylums of the world have been filled with individuals beyond number (a number which is replenished daily) who drove themselves mad, or were driven mad, as a result of Christianity's morbid and unnatural teachings about sex. Human beings owe more to Kinsey than they do to Christ or his Church for the more enlightened view about sex which now exists in the Western world.

[♦ ficino ♦]

As far as I know, there's no verse in the bible that explicitly condemns masturbation. It's possible that when Paul talks about the "malakoi" or about "malakia", which is usually translated something like "effeminate", he means masturbation, because malakia in modern Greek means that. But it could also mean the passive partner in anal intercourse or something else - maybe just "effeminate"! What's more subversive than that?

 

Anyway, in my Christian days we were always taught that masturbation is a sin or something God wants us not to do. The justification in protestant circles was usually that it is bad for real sex with a spouse later because it focuses you on yourself and not on another person. When I heard of catholic arguments and tried them out on protestant friends, i.e. that sex should always include reproduction as a goal, my friends were amazed that they'd never heard those arguments before.

 

When you consider that all churches will marry people who are too old to conceive children, then you discover that the "sex must include reproduction as a goal" is not actually held by churches as an absolute.

[Darkside]

As far as I know, there's no verse in the bible that explicitly condemns masturbation. It's possible that when Paul talks about the "malakoi" or about "malakia", which is usually translated something like "effeminate", he means masturbation, because malakia in modern Greek means that. But it could also mean the passive partner in anal intercourse or something else - maybe just "effeminate"! What's more subversive than that?

 

Anyway, in my Christian days we were always taught that masturbation is a sin or something God wants us not to do. The justification in protestant circles was usually that it is bad for real sex with a spouse later because it focuses you on yourself and not on another person. When I heard of catholic arguments and tried them out on protestant friends, i.e. that sex should always include reproduction as a goal, my friends were amazed that they'd never heard those arguments before.

 

When you consider that all churches will marry people who are too old to conceive children, then you discover that the "sex must include reproduction as a goal" is not actually held by churches as an absolute.

 

 

 

My church taught that it's okay to masturbate as long as you're thinking of Jesus.

[Lizard]

 

 

 

 

My church taught that it's okay to masturbate as long as you're thinking of Jesus.

Uhm...that's gross..

[Renfield]

I'm for equal opportunity orgasms, clitoral, vaginal, both simultaneously, doesn't matter to me. As long as I get there, I don't really care "where" there is.

 

Sue Johanson would be proud!

 

 

 

 

My church taught that it's okay to masturbate as long as you're thinking of Jesus.

 

Is that why some people say, "Oh god, oh god I'm cumming."?

[Guest Glaswegian]

Religion needed members and the best way to do that was to condemn homosexuality and masturbation and in some cases contraception. The only time one was supposed to even think about sex was within marriage and the more kids the better.

 

Psychologists have long recognised that religion is inextricably bound up with the sex instinct and they provide numerous examples of the complex and subtle ways in which religious behaviour and experience are shaped and informed by it. But it is not only psychologists who have discerned the connection between religion and the sex instinct. Many religionists have known about it as well - at least at an implicit level. After all, why do you think that religions have been so concerned with the sex instinct throughout the ages? Why do you think that some of them have been obsessed with it? Why do you think that Christianity, for example, has been so anxious to suppress the sex instinct in its followers? Is it not because this religion's policy-makers (e.g., the apostle Paul) have understood, albeit in a dim, rudimentary way, that when the sex instinct is allowed to express itself naturally - say, in a good healthy shag - the sublimation of this instinct into religious feeling and sentiment is less likely to occur?

[snookums]

Psychologists have long recognised that religion is inextricably bound up with the sex instinct and they provide numerous examples of the complex and subtle ways in which religious behaviour and experience are shaped and informed by it. But it is not only psychologists who have discerned the connection between religion and the sex instinct.

 

another rather famous idea is that sex is linked to biology - that good ol' rooting reflex.

Eats - roots & leaves...

 

Is that why god created an organism and gave it to 'girls' as well.......so they would all go to chruch when they found out that "xian hubby' was zipshit at giving her one at home?

 

[snookums]

Since it first appeared on the earth - and throughout its long and deplorable history - the Christian religion has been the mother of sexual insanity. The mental asylums of the world have been filled with individuals beyond number (a number which is replenished daily) who drove themselves mad, or were driven mad, as a result of Christianity's morbid and unnatural teachings about sex. Human beings owe more to Kinsey than they do to Christ or his Church for the more enlightened view about sex which now exists in the Western world.

 

Yes.....and women were its target group........any kind of 'passion'...was immediately thought of as 'hysteric's'......Women didn't fair very well from either intitution....the 'mental health system'....or the religious system...

 

............the witches of Salem and Europe I& all the other 'eve's' of the world....blamed for 'man's' evile obessions with sex.

 

Oh......women blood was seen 'naasty'... their 'lifes blood'.....is 'evile'...

 

 

 

and don't forget Ziggy

 

Sigmund Freud (May 6, 1856-September 23, 1939; (IPA pronunciation: [ˈziːkmʊnt ˈfrɔʏ̯t]) was an Austrian neurologist and the founder of the psychoanalytic school of psychology. Although Freud's writings were not always perfectly systematic, the received views of his theories generally include the following hypotheses:

 

Human development is best understood in terms of changing objects of sexual desire.

The psychic apparatus habitually represses wishes, usually of a sexual or aggressive nature, whereby they become preserved in one or more unconscious systems of ideas.

Unconscious conflicts over repressed wishes have a tendency to manifest themselves in dreams, parapraxes ("Freudian slips") and symptoms.

Unconscious conflicts are the source of neuroses.

Neuroses can be treated through bringing the unconscious wishes and repressed memories to consciousness in psychoanalytic treatment

[LosingMyReligion]

Wow, I just killed 1,200 children in the span of a few hours today.

[Guest Glaswegian]

Thanks to modern science we know that when the average male in his prime ejaculates his semen contains enough sperm to populate half of China - 600 million spermatozoa in a typical spurt.

 

Among certain groups of males who are renowned for their sexual potency the sperm count is, of course, much higher. For example: Glasgow males.

[Epicurienne]

"Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted

God gets quite irate"

 

I can't believe nobody else posted this until now! [LOL]

[Guest Mr. XC]

what about girl masturbation? we aren't spilling seed or disrupting our eggs...so is it ok for us?

Here is the Jewish reply on female masturbation. I am not sure if Christians agree.

http://www.askmoses.com/article.html?h=237&o=53

What about females? Unlike males females will "Waste" an egg every month if we do not have intercourse and concieve a child, likewise, we are only alotted a certain amount of eggs where as men will always produce sperm. Is masturbation forbidden for a female as well, according to scripture?

 

Editor's Comment

 

1. The "waste" of the woman's egg is part of nature, not her own doing.

 

2. Female masturbation is not expressly forbidden by Jewish Law.

[Darkside]

 

 

 

 

My church taught that it's okay to masturbate as long as you're thinking of Jesus.

Uhm...that's gross..

 

 

Sorry, forgot the that was a joke.

[♦ ficino ♦]

I looked on that rabbinic website. The views on masturbation there are idiotic. Especially when the rabbi on there admits that female masturbation is OK. The Torah does not actually talk about male masturbation. If the male body spills its own seed via nocturnal emission, then the difference between masturbation and NE is just of frequency, not of principle. Moreover, allowing female masturbation disallows the argument that masturbation is bad because you fantasize and get off on yourself and not your spouse.

 

It would make more sense for the Torah types to allow both sexes or neither to masturbate, but to say it's OK for females and sin/spiritually backward for males sounds is just a double standard. Not only does it show bias against male pleasure, it treats males' spirituality as mattering more than women's spirituality, since it doesn't even bother telling women it's unspiritual to masturbate.

 

I really hate these hidebound, text-based religious systems.

[snookums]

Thanks to modern science we know that when the average male in his prime ejaculates his semen contains enough sperm to populate half of China - 600 million spermatozoa in a typical spurt.

 

Among certain groups of males who are renowned for their sexual potency the sperm count is, of course, much higher. For example: Glasgow males.

 

We've talking 'BIG'....really BIG ..& powerful squirts aren't we?!

& I also hear...... Glaswiegian's are also very- very sexy....smooth talkin' lovebuckets on big hairy legs!

 

I would like to 'research' this wonderous claim further...for myself! I 'm getting tingles just thinking about it.

 

Mmmm...yum

[Guest Mr. XC]

If the male body spills its own seed via nocturnal emission, then the difference between masturbation and NE is just of frequency, not of principle.

I foresee a market of male chastity belts to solve the accidental stimulation that is sometimes responsible for nocturnal emission. All that is needed is good marketing material to target the fundie market. The only problem is that this will be taken seriously by some, which will not sit well with my conscious.

[Guest Glaswegian]

The merest glance at the history of religion will provide you with many examples of religious behaviour in which the operation of the sex instinct is so obvious as to be naked.

 

For example, during the Witch Holocaust in pre-Enlightenment Europe, the Christian Church set up ecclesiastical tribunals to deal with individuals accused of witchcraft and filled them with men whose faith in their religion was regarded as beyond reproach. These devout Churchmen were extremely diligent in their investigation of those charged with witchcraft, especially when the accused was a woman or girl of 'pleasing appearance'. In these cases, the Churchmen were so diligent that they often insisted on discovering - or to put it more pertinently in this context - uncovering evidence of witchcraft for themselves. This 'hands on approach' by the Churchmen involved their personally undertaking detailed and thorough examinations of the naked bodies of these attractive females for 'marks of the Devil' (e.g., moles, boils, unusual birthmarks, and blemishes of every sort). In the eyes of the Churchmen, the sanctity of God and the protection of the Christian faith also required the repeated insertion of their devout fingers into female orifices for the detection of warts and other 'sinister' cutaneous excrescences, and in some instances even the smelling and tasting of these orifices for 'infernal odours and secretions'....

 

In the foregoing example, the sex instinct can be easily seen manifesting itself in the behaviour of the Churchmen in a lurid way.