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True Confession I Made To Liberal Christian Friends...


WakingUp
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I have a small group of friends that I have known for years, we have been spiritual buddies and all of them are very liberal "Christians"...some believing in reincarnation even. Today, I just laid out where I was because I'm no longer a "liberal" Christian. I sort of feel like a "lost" soul...since I've let go of fundamental Christian teachings. Anyway, thought I'd share the email I sent out. It will be interesting to get reactions frommy friends-I think for the most part they will be understanding.

Ok, the email:

 

"Now, I'm going to let it all hang out. I am not sure where I am on my thoughts about God and the soul and everything, really. Let's just say I am questioning it all. It's not that I want to do this...it's just happening...and I can't go back. I told Jana I feel like a "lost" soul-whatever that is. I think I would most likely qualify-today-as an agnostic and that's a fairly "lost" place to be. Definition of agnostic:

 

1 : a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable

 

A thought popped out the other day when thinking/talking about whether I am a "christian". No, I'm not in the traditional sense of the word but yes, I do follow many of the teachings of Christ. As of today(I know this is subject to change and I hope it will change), I think God can best be defined/described as the place where most of the religions intersect. The good teachings that the major religions have in common (and if we can go back farther and look at the ancient religions-goddess, Egyption, Celtic, myth type religions too)we might most accurately find reflections of "God". I don't think "God"-if there is one-is the HEbrew God. I don't think Jesus was truly God's son-as in born of a virgin-but He was one that intuitively understood what was behind the scriptures...he was able to parse out the man-made stuff/interpretations and get to the essence. I'm thinking maybe Buddha and other great teachers were similar to Jesus in this ability. Man oh man, I never thought I'd be in this place!! yikes!! All my foundations seem to have crumbled and dissappeared. I keep praying "God, if I've gone off track, please bring me back". And that's another thing-prayer! When was the last time you had an answered prayer? I don't think I ever really have. There have been coincidences perhaps or my efforts after praying have brought about results...but nothing miraculous, ever. I have prayed for some sins/weaknesses to be taken away for years, for people to be healed, good stuff mind you and nada, no answers. I am tired of the response God answers "yes, no, maybe". I think that is just rationalization to make ourselves feel better...to keep believing that GOd is answering our prayers. God has not made himself/herself knowable by answering prayers, imo. When was the last time you moved mountains? These are the questions that I have stuffed in the mystery box and NOT let out until this 49th year-this year of preparation for my year of jubilee--the big 50!! Little did I know what was going to happen this year!! Once I allowed myself to ask the questions, to honestly sit with the questions and to be ok with the answers not lining up with the past answers/understandings/teachings---man "all hell broke loose" as they say. Or maybe this is "you-know-whos" curse coming true! Remember how he said, a couple of months ago, that bad stuff was going to happen to me now that I was considering goddess stuff and new age stuff.

 

Lest you and I get despressed with my lack of spiritual clarity, I do still consider myself spiritual and believe there is a spiritual side to us. I do still LOVE seeking all things spiritual but I'm really confused about what I KNOW and what there is to seek. I feel like I have very little assurance about anything anymore. Kind of like I'm blind and groping in the dark-hoping to find something to hold on to. I am at a place of feeling like a blank slate...waiting for something to be written."

 

WakingUp

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Sounds to me like you're learning to be honest with yourself.

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WakingUp, thanks for sharing your story. You and I must be twins in more ways than one. I had no idea others were asking these basic questions when they're pushing their fiftieth birthday. But I figure better late than never. Being spiritual and not believing in God goes together for a some of us. I've met people on the internet who called themselves spiritual atheists. If you go to my website you'll find a few links to articles that explore this. My website is in my profile; just click on my name in the top left-hand corner of this post. That will bring up my profile.

 

Ruby

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I would like to read what your friends respond. Keep us posted!

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