Lilith Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Hello all. I've been browsing the forums here for a little while and am extremely comforted by the testimonies. It has been a good year and a half since my deconversion (well, since I actually could admit to it) and I still have not told anyone in my family except for my husband. He was distraught, of course. He still can be, if he allows himself to think about it for too long. I went through a lot of the same steps I am reading that others went through. Lots of questions, Messianic Judaism, Judaism, agnosticism, etc. I just went through them at an apparent hyper-speed. It took, I would guess, a good six months for the deconversion process to "complete." And by complete, I mean to the point where I could actually say it outloud. "I am not a Christian." It was the most difficult five words ever uttered by a human. I have spent the past two years deep in study on all sorts of religions, ideas, ideologies and concepts. I have a long way to go, but have come a long way too. Now if I could just break the news to the rest of my family..... Namaste Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ TexasFreethinker ☆ Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Welcome Appellation, It's nice to have another Texan on the site and I look forward to your posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Hello all. I've been browsing the forums here for a little while and am extremely comforted by the testimonies. It has been a good year and a half since my deconversion (well, since I actually could admit to it) and I still have not told anyone in my family except for my husband. He was distraught, of course. He still can be, if he allows himself to think about it for too long. I went through a lot of the same steps I am reading that others went through. Lots of questions, Messianic Judaism, Judaism, agnosticism, etc. I just went through them at an apparent hyper-speed. It took, I would guess, a good six months for the deconversion process to "complete." And by complete, I mean to the point where I could actually say it outloud. "I am not a Christian." It was the most difficult five words ever uttered by a human. I have spent the past two years deep in study on all sorts of religions, ideas, ideologies and concepts. I have a long way to go, but have come a long way too. Now if I could just break the news to the rest of my family..... Namaste Yay! More exC to the fold! Warm Welcomes to you Appellation! The sentence “I’m not Christian” were that hardest sentence for me too. I remember it, where I was, and how I felt. But after it was done … o’boy! The happiness and freedom! Well, the next months were not always good, because it felt like falling in dark space without any ground ever showing up. But now (2.5 years), I have never been more confident and happy. When I mustered up the boldness to tell my wife, she was calm and just said, “I’ve been thinking in those lines too.” And I was shocked, and relieved. Today I’m agnostic/atheist, and she’s a deist. And we live in more harmony than ever before. So again, welcome! Oh, btw, you might discover that this site is very addictive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith Posted May 28, 2005 Author Share Posted May 28, 2005 Come to think of it, my mom does know. I think the next person who would be most receptive is my dad, but my step-mom and my inlaws will all be devastated. It all seemed to be happening really fast, once it all came crashing down, but in truth, I think it was in the making for several years. I spent months looking for anything that would save my faith, but to no avail. I am much happier today for it. I am currently returning to my "roots" in the area of paganism/witchcraft, but don't tell my dh. That would devastate him more than anything. One friend called spells, "intesified prayer" and that is a beautiful way to look at it. I have never lost my relationship with God (or the Divine, or whatever name you may call Him/Her/It) and so that has been the one comfort through the ordeal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Welcome to the forum appellation!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Demona- Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Welcome, Appellation. You're right, it does seem to happen too fast to those who aren't aware of your own internal struggle. My de-conversion was nearly a decade in the making, but up until the end of '03, I was referring to myself as a "Christian white witch". Of course, now I realize how ludicrous and ill-fitting such a label is. Mainstream Christianity condemns witchcraft and the occult, both of which I'm fascinated by. I hope your hubby comes to understand your beliefs, and becomes more adjusted to it. It may take awhile, but I think (if he truly loves you) he'll eventually be content now that you're more comfortable in your own skin. Again, welcome to ExC, and I hope you enjoy it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Hi appelation: I know exactly what you mean. I am not a Christian either. gulp. breaks out in cold sweat. Breathe, breathe, don't forget to breathe. When I come to this forum, I feel like an alcoholic attending an AA meeting. "Hi, my name is Mythra. This is my 74th straight day without a drink". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Hi appelation: I know exactly what you mean. I am not a Christian either. gulp. breaks out in cold sweat. Breathe, breathe, don't forget to breathe. When I come to this forum, I feel like an alcoholic attending an AA meeting. "Hi, my name is Mythra. This is my 74th straight day without a drink". It'll get easier with time ... promise. And the Freedom Feels So Great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Freedom does feel great, Hans. Thanks But I still wake up at night sometimes, and think "what if I'm wrong".. Whoever wrote the Bible might have thought that the earth was flat, but they had some serious understanding of the human psyche and how to keep converts converts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Freedom does feel great, Hans. Thanks But I still wake up at night sometimes, and think "what if I'm wrong".. Whoever wrote the Bible might have thought that the earth was flat, but they had some serious understanding of the human psyche and how to keep converts converts The reason why the Bible is such a powerful tool to convince people is that is so dynamic. It has bad and good behaviors from God, and commands us to hate and to love, to kill and to save, to show mercy and yet condemn. It’s really flexible in its use, and therefore is a great religious document to fool everyone. Just pick and chose what fits you best, and you’ll find your religion in it. The longer you reason and rationalize Christianity and belief, the more you see the atrocities and contradictions in there. I’m not against religion or belief, but I don’t think anyone can say that they know God more than that he’s some sort of a superior life force, unattainable and unknowable. To be a generic theist or deist makes more sense to me that to accept that some people 2000 years ago had better understanding of the world and life than we do. Today we can be easily fooled by hoaxes and urban legends, even though we have superior techniques to reveal lies. How much easier it must have been to be fooled back then! If you feel you’re wrong you should search God in your own mind and in your own experience and thought. Don’t let anyone say they have the truth, and you don’t. If God exists, he placed the knowledge of him inside you and not in someone else to commands you to give up your own ideas. I went through some periods of questioning myself, but I realized that if God wants me to believe, he will speak to me personally, and not use someone else’s arguments. And I think its ok for you to be in a flux and void, and put your thoughts to that there might be higher power, but don’t let a specific religion take the credit for the truth, and force you to actions of irrational dogmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Hi appelation: I know exactly what you mean. I am not a Christian either. gulp. breaks out in cold sweat. Breathe, breathe, don't forget to breathe. LOL....I hear ya brother. Preach it! When I come to this forum, I feel like an alcoholic attending an AA meeting. "Hi, my name is Mythra. This is my 74th straight day without a drink". <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yea, me too. It's not so much that I fear I've made a wrong decision, it's more that I just don't want to deal with having to explain all this crap to my extended family, and risk hurting them in the process. It's easier to just lay low. What I really am ***deeeeep breath*** What I have found that fits me best is an eclectic form of witchcraft. ***obligatory disclaimer*** It's not all hokey-pokey-ooky-spooky. It's basically full circle for me. I was raised in the occult, learned a LOT in the Word of Faith movement, and now pretty much practice the same faith-generated beliefs therein. It's a little more ritualized (my prayer life) and it's minus one saviour and a host of demons. OK....I feel better now...don't I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spamandham Posted June 5, 2005 Share Posted June 5, 2005 Welcome appelation! Those words were hard to say the first time. Eventually, I found myself saying "I'm an atheist". The first time was really hard, having been through fundyism, then fun-deism. But you know what, I find I actually enjoy saying it now. I'll echo TexasFreetHinker's thoughts in welcoming another fellow Texan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith Posted June 5, 2005 Author Share Posted June 5, 2005 Welcome appelation! Those words were hard to say the first time. Eventually, I found myself saying "I'm an atheist". The first time was really hard, having been through fundyism, then fun-deism. But you know what, I find I actually enjoy saying it now. I'll echo TexasFreetHinker's thoughts in welcoming another fellow Texan! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Thanks spamandham. I'm really enjoying Texas (recent transplant). I appreciate the kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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